A SAD WALK

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two people walked together... then they didnt. One recounts his feelings

Submitted: November 14, 2018

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Submitted: November 14, 2018

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A Sad Walk,

One year ago this week, you had walked up a long trail…up to a path along a ridge.  The view from the ridge was good… but in many ways, it was not what you had expected.  As you looked around you felt a bit bewildered, intrigued that the view, so different from your expectations, was so inviting.  The view made you feel happy and relaxed and intrigued.  As you walked further along the ridge, you began to enjoy the view even more…..  thinking, 'this is different from my expectations, but good'… sometimes very good… very different, but somehow right….

You walked and walked along that ridge… far from your home… into unknown territory,

Then it happened ….

You picked up a small stone… and threw it down the hill.  The stone rolled down the hill…. Bouncing and picking up speed…. repeatedly hitting the ground and causing more stones to roll.  Below, a few people saw the stones coming and took cover.  Some were hurt. One person was really hurt.  You came down the hill and saw the damage.  When the people asked you why you threw a stone, you said, “I never even considered that I might hurt others… but don’t worry I will never do it again”.

A week later you walked up that trail again, and this time you looked around, picked a mid-sized stone and threw it toward the village below.  Before you released the stone, you waited a while and took aim.. throwing the stone carefully at one of the people you had hurt the week before. You waited a bit, picked up another stone and threw it again…. And then again, and again and again….. every hour, then again, the next day and the next day and the next day.

Finally, on the fifth day, the person whom you had hurt the most, climbed up the hill and hid and waited and just when you picked up your next stone, he called out – “HEY STOP THAT”!

You were upset that you had been caught.

That was a year ago.

The stones were lies, intended initially to hide and exclude…. Because throwing more stones, for weeks and months, was easier than acting like; an adult, a parent, a child, a friend, a lover or a partner. 

But after you threw the first stone, the stones started to change… from lies told without consideration of their consequence, they transformed into lies intended to avoid taking responsibility for your actions and to cover your ass. 

After the 2nd week, the stones changed again, and finally and without you having any real understanding, the stones you were throwing were intended to destroy your own life from within, because you had been taught you were not worthy of being happy or acting in your own best interest.

The path you climbed: was the path of becoming closer to someone.

The path along the ridge: our relationship

The view: Your vision of your own future

The stones: lies of so many types.

The mistake you made – was not thinking before you threw the first few stones.

I wondered why you threw those stones… then I found out….

You had thrown the same stones before – hiding your birthday dinner…. and other events too…. And no-one had gotten hurt, because no-one knew….. so why not throw more…. Throwing stones and telling lies was your way to deal with the challenges of your life.

The mistakes I made – was believing things would change and not walking away long before I did, 

And now, when I am back in the town by the ridge, I walk or drive, along the shadow of the ridge path and I see the missing stones or the shadows of the stones you threw or the empty hollows where you picked up lies and threw them at me….. and I feel … nothing. 

Nothing.  - Just the presence of empty space that could have been filled with happiness.  It’s not sadness, nor regret, just knowledge of what might have or could have, but never will.

I walk along the path that is mine, and you walk along the path that is yours and whether you think about the ridge or miss it doesn’t matter…. It can never be found again. 

In life and love, the wind and rain always win. The ridge is already dust…time and weather have worn away the ridge in an instant or a year or a decade or millennia.  The wind and rain are patient and know that even the hardest stone can be turned to sand…. and dust.  And soon you and I will be dust too. Me before you… but that’s ok. I’m at peace with my life and death.  I have a pile of stones by my bed to remind me that this is all a dream, and a story and in the end, karma will exact its price…. And even the wind and rain fear that….. even if you don’t.

I love the feel of a smooth stone in my hand. I wish I could remember the feelings it invoked before it hurt me so badly.

I can’t, and that’s sad.

Sam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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