WHEN JAMES ROTHSHAM WRANGLEMIRE ROBBED HIS HOME TOWN BANK

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Oh my...I gotta get out more....

WHEN JAMES ROTHSHAM WRANGLEMIRE ROBBED

HIS HOME TOWN BANK

BY

DONALD HARRY ROBERTS

1

Yup. It’s a story around these part we’ve been telling folks ever since that day someone dressed like a masked hobo walked into the town bank and robbed it at gun point of every dollar he could get before he had to skedaddle cause the cops came roarin up the street sirens blaring and lights a flashes and causing such a commotion that there masked man had lots of warning and got clean away before the cops even got out of their cars, all five of them. That’s all our little burg could afford and not one of them had ever done anything more than give out a few parking ticket and arrest Rufford the town’s illustrious drunk.

2

Chief Balenarnny walked into the bank, gun drawn and shouting like a banshee as if the robber should have been afraid of the law, but I think he was well aware the robber was gone since the bank manager, Lu Lucas came running out waving his arms and yelling, “He’s getting away. He’s getting away.” And pointing down the street at an old black ford automobile leaving behind a cloud of dust you coulda seen all the way to Toronto, fifty miles away.

It was Chief Constable that got back in the car and went after the bum that robbed the bank but that was a mistake cause he went too fast around the bend just outside town and crashed the car, killing himself in the process which is how that bend got named Dead Man’s Corner.

3

Mrs. Fendenrab, the constable’s wife went into hysterics when she got the news and never did quite recover. She wondered around town looking for Farley every night unless she had a lucid moment and remembered he’d been killed. Then she’d wail for hours and hours keeping the neighbours awake til the wee small hours of the morning. She did that for nearly two years then one winter nigh she wondered off toward Dead Man’s Corner and froze to death and everyone figured it was a good thing that she followed Mr. Fendenrab into the here ever after. The neighbours didn’t wish he ill but they were thankful for the peace and quiet thereafter.

4

The Chief replaced old Fendenrab with a young feller just out of the academy and promoted Ben Bustleinker to Chief Constable who was twice as thick between the ears as his predecessor but not so brave as to go screechin off on his own chasing a bank robber. Of course he did have one talent and that was good because it was just about then that computers were coming in and he knew a lot about that sort of thing. Truth is, that’s all he knew and that’s all he did, except on Saturday nights when all the constabulary got together to round up the Saturday night drunks and stuff them in a cell and fine them all 50 dollars for being drunk and disorderly, except for Rufford who never had fifty dollars all at once his entire life, not even getting ten dollars a day for sweeping Main Street, all hundred yard of it including both sides.

5

Two days before Christmas that same year, that same feller came into town and robbed the bank again and again he got away scot free with 25000 thousand dollars and a box full of Mrs. Dullmadden’s expensive jewelry she kept in the bank for safe keeping. That stuff, according to the insurance man, Stemmy Wilding was worth a hundred thousand but if it could be got rid of on the street the robber would only get 10 grand for the lot. And sure enough it got sold in the city for just about that much, but we never found out about that for three years and by that time the bum had robbed our bank twice more and never got caught.

6

Five more years went looping by and the Hobo Robber seemed to have forgotten us but there were other small town banks getting robbed by a fellow in a grey suite, wearing a bowler hat and mask. We were all pretty sure it was the same robber cause his MO was identical with the Hobo. We figured he just got tired of robbing us and being a bum. So he moved up to bigger fodder and nicer trappings.

This robber fellow got himself a big name and lots of stories wrote about him in the news papers and he was getting bold and that is probably how he got himself caught in the end. He got to bold and tried to rob a bank in a bigger town with a police force big enough, smart enough and fast enough to deal with the likes of him. He got billed as the Notorious Mr. Bowler hat.

But then he disappeared for a bit, laying low until things cooled off the police said.

7

But the police never let down their guard because they knew the robber’s type. He’d be back and sure enough he came back but not just by chance. It got out that the payroll for the local Sawmill was coming in to town, which it had never done before and anyone should have seen it was all set up by the local constabulary, but it seems the robber wasn’t quite as clever as he thought he was because everyone in the bank that day was a police officer and the minute he walked in they all had their guns out and pointed at the The Notorious Mr. Bowler hat who had changed again, back to the Hobo costume, which didn’t matter because everyone knew that the two were one in the same.

 

8

The Hobo robber started to cackle, the kind of cackle only an old, old man can cackle. Then he took out his gun and before he could aim it every police officer in the place put a bullet in him.

Then the town Chief went and took off the robbers mask and everyone gasped in complete and utter shock. Lying dead on the floor in his home town where he first started to rob banks was James Rothsham Wranglemire our very own mayor who we’d been electing back into office for over a decade. Go figure. And that friends is all. Tra la la la.

 

 


Submitted: November 26, 2018

© Copyright 2020 Donald Harry Roberts. All rights reserved.

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Comments

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Megan Fox

Ha, if it wasn't for the police cars I'd date this story in the 1880's or somewhere there. Nice woodsy vibe to it.
Megan

Mon, November 26th, 2018 3:56am

Author
Reply

Thanks Megan

Mon, November 26th, 2018 5:19am

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hullabaloo22

Haha! Loved it, DH. Could picture every word so maybe I need to get out more often too!

Mon, November 26th, 2018 9:40pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Hully

Mon, November 26th, 2018 2:03pm

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Joe Stuart

A nice bit of humour there Donald. You must have had fun writing this. ~ Joe

Mon, November 26th, 2018 10:00pm

Author
Reply

I did Joe...lots

Mon, November 26th, 2018 2:03pm

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