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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: December 18, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: December 18, 2018



It all started with him coming and talking to me on the last day of chemistry lab of 2ndsemester of college. Don’t know why I was very happy from inside and it was very much visible to everyone around me so I acted as if I didn’t care much but to be very honest it was the first time in my life some guy came and talked to me personally so I think it made me feel special. Even though he was my classmate I only knew him as the naughtiest kid in the class who was madly in love with his schoolmate back in his hometown and never we had a ‘Hi’ also before that day.

As my final exams were approaching, I completely forgot about that incident and like a good girl I deactivated all my social media. Suddenly one day I get a call from an unknown number I pick it and after lots of puzzles I came to know it was him, after which I was screwed saying I didn’t reply to his what’s app messages, those days we didn’t have double tick and blue tick. Then it took me some time to explain him that I’m not using what’s app. But after that the conversation was good, funny and some class gossips and it went on for an hour or so and it ended with me telling him that I will give him my notes so he can get a Xerox and prepare for exams. Things were very normal and he became a good friend of mine, before him I never had friends with the boys so he being the first, I did everything so that I don’t lose this friendship.

Our 3rd semester started as we were different departments, we were no more classmates so we would generally meet after assembly or after classes and our talk will be always about his girlfriend as it was a long distance and no mobile, he will be always saying she is cheating and I will be always consoling but some days he will be happy because she would have called somehow because of which he would have missed his lots of classes. His breakdown was affecting me somehow so I helped him as much as possible, even I made one of my friends who know’ s his mother tongue to call her girlfriend’s family and talk to her to know about her well being. It was the time for Diwali holidays and he tells me that he is going to meet her and he has arranged everything for the meeting. I was very happy thinking finally, he will be happy and I told him I would help him get gifts for her. The day came, he left to meet her and I came to my home. After reaching he called me and broke down, saying she is cheating on him and it was a mistake to go there and it happened daily. He was there for 7 days, but that girl only met him one day for a few hours. This hurt him very badly and he will have very bad break downs daily and I will just try to console, not knowing what else can be done. Our exams were approaching my studies were getting affected because of his breakdowns, but at the point of my life I didn’t care.

While our exams were on he started telling me that he loves me and I will ignore not knowing what to say. Now he started telling it more frequently I said there is no future so ignore it, but he was very good in convincing but still I managed not to get convinced. But one day he said if I don’t say the 3 words he will stop meeting and talking to me. I requested him not to do this, but he was not listening, this brought in my fear of losing him. So, I said those 3 words, even though I knew I didn’t have any feelings like that for him. It was the first time I was saying those 3 words to somebody before that never said to family or friends (Now also I don’t tell them). But we had a pact we will not tell anyone about this according to everyone we were best friends and that thing didn’t change. Finally, that semester ended and somehow he managed to maintain attendance, but got arrears in many subjects. I wrote his lab records and last moment assignments because of which at least he didn’t have arrear in labs.

Next semester started very well. We started spending more time together and in very less span of time I felt something for him. I started doing things which he asked for and for things which he didn’t ask. I was very happy, had many making out sessions I was literally on cloud nine. I was so lost that I shut all the doors around me and stopped seeing the things that I should have noticed. My close friends’ roommate had some problem with him so they called me to tell and make him stop doing it. When I went they told me, the way he is talking to is very flirty and had very personal questions. I was shattered from inside and somehow they managed to make me tell the truth about the relationship I had with him. They were all very furious and seized my phone and I was also convinced that he is not a good guy. But the next day I was not feeling good without talking to him so I requested my friends so they agreed and then the plates turned, he convinced me that my friends are wrong and I stood for him against my friends. My friends just said one thing we all know he is not good for you, but you will not understand now, still we will be there for you always.

Things became normal between me and him and luckily for one lab we were together. I was very happy, but I never thought it will back fire me, if I talk to one guy in that lab I will be screwed for that whole day and I will have a major breakdown because of it so I decided I will not talk to any guy from now on so this screwing up will end. Then the same thing happened with Facebook so I deleted my account. Basically, I had blocked myself from everything just to escape from his anger. After this I had my good as well as bad days and the bad days will be so bad that I will be just crying and not doing anything else. My friends will feel very bad for me, my best friend broke down seeing me like this and requested me to leave but still I was adamant about not leaving him. To add cherry on the top I have caught him cheating on me many times, but then he will say something and convince me. I had lost my peace of mind, won’t focus on studies. I knew things are not correct, but still never told even my friends anything and always tried to prove me right and them wrong. I still can’t understand what had got into me during those days. So, almost 2 years went on like this with ups and downs and me ignoring the things that come against him. I

n the mid of our final semester, he tells me that his mom came to know about our relationship and she screwed him so it’s the time to end. I was like fine for mom only right no problem, for our happiness, we can’t hurt her. I told my friends but they were not believing, they were like you guys will be back. In those 2 years my friends had made peace with him and for my sake accepted him and started spending time with us. As my friends told we were back together again and I came to know it later that this happened when he was high and not in the senses. Unaware about the high thing I thought we both will go for a trip, things which was not right between us might become right. But that trip became the worst nightmare of my life, got slapped by him just because I was trying to convince interstate marriage is possible. The slap left marks on my, neck my friend teased me thinking that it was hickie.

That evening I was going through his mail while preparing his presentation I saw a number, unaware whose number it is I checked in true caller after which found out the number was of a girl, she was junior in our college. I called him asking him what’s going on and he was like which girl I don’t know any girl like that and after some time he accepted that he is dating her, but he didn’t want to lose me that’s why hid it, I was literally heartbroken. Don’t know what I was thinking I started convincing him that she can’t handle you I’m the only one who can handle you and he didn’t get convinced. So, I said I want to meet her and also told him this thing shouldn’t come out, if my friends come to know about things might get spoiled. That day, evening, I met her and I didn’t mention her that I was in a relationship with him since he told me not to, talking to her I realized one thing she said yes, after which he used the mom’s excuse to break-up and after that breakup it was around a month I came to know about them and for that whole month she was always around us and I never noticed. Smiled in front of her, but inside I was breaking. After she left I cried very badly can’t talk to my friends about this, I talked with him. He was like he will help me get out of this, trust me, now I feel like shit but that time I was ok with that idea. This girl just had breakup almost 4 months back because of which she won’t meet him in the college since that breakup gave her a bad name in the college. Now for them to meet I will sit with them, inside I will be crying and smiling from outside.

One fine day things went out of my limit, I was doing his project in my lab and these two were sitting by my side and romancing, I went out took some fresh air and then when I came in his hard disk was not getting detected and all his important files were in it. He started screwing me very badly, we packed our bags came out. I didn’t utter a word and was quietly walking and he was screwing me very badly. Suddenly I hear my best friend shouting my name from behind, seeing her running towards me, I felt GOD has only sent her. She saw my dull face and asked her what happened and he started shouting I spoilt his hard disk. So she started calming him down and then she notices this girl thinking that he was ragging her she tells her to leave. I stopped her and said to my best friend do you even know who is she, ask him he will tell you. She asks him and he tells her that he loves this girl. My best friend gets furious listening to this and starts shouting how can he do this to me. I try to calm her and tell her everything is over just leave it. She tells me to wait there and goes to get her bag. After she leaves I tell this girl everything that was there between me and him. I saw my best friend coming towards me with other friends and they stood at a distance to give us privacy. And I even told this girl that he broke up telling his mom is not allowing but after some days he came back into relationship. I don’t know why hearing this he got angry and he started screwing me telling how can I talk so bad about his mom. I was confused and I asked him what wrong did I say. He kept on repeating it. I didn’t want to make an issue I said fine from now on we are not talking to each other I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I said bye, my friend came there to take me. She shouted and said him a bad word (before this she has never used a bad word for anyone) and said never ever dare to come near me. He gets more angry listening to this he comes to hit her and my bestfriend’s boyfriend come in between and I come in front of my bestfriend’s bf so I get the hit. My friend gets more furious starts shouting and he also starts shouting. I, my other friends and her bf took her from there. Still, I was not in my senses, when he was calling me from back, I told my friends to leave me but they literally dragged me from there. I had a very bad break down and my friends were always there for my support.

But still after this I was still in contact with him, thinking at least let me be a good friend to him, but this time also he always contacted just to get his work done and finally few months back I sternly said no to his demands and it made me feel very happy from inside.

It’s not like I only had bad days with him I had many good days, which still stay in my mind and those good days I always think now also. I know that he has treated me like shit but then also I don’t know why sometimes I feel it would have been good if he was with me now. He comes in my dreams. His thoughts cross me very frequently. I want to put a stop to all this very badly, but don’t know how.

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