Why?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is just miscellaneous writing about a small aspect of my life which has really changed me. Maybe some of the young readers out there could understand.

Submitted: December 20, 2018

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Submitted: December 20, 2018

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Why?

Why do you drag me in and later ignore me?
Why do you have eyes for her only?
Why do you suddenly like me when she not here?
Why are you so nice in real life?
Why do you all of a sudden hate me online?
Why am I so into you?
Why am I still into you after being hurt by you?
Why do I have all the time for you when you don't have a second for me?
Why do I keep trying?
Why can't I unlike you?
Why do I keep getting hurt?
Why are you someone so meaningful to me?
Why am I an object to you?
Why can't you understand how much pain you cause?
Why is it normal for you to be mean to me?

All this pain, has been going on for too long, that I'm so used to it
This pain is something I can just bare
Something that will hopefully turn into happiness after this patience 
But if that was meant to be
It would've already been?

This is a week before my 15 birthday, and it's something I'm used to
Depression
Sadness
Didn't achieve my goals from last year
If you didn't mean so much to me, I wouldn't be writing this
Or I wouldn't have written about our first kiss
Why, why do I have to go through this as a 14 year old?
They say "your too young to have problems with boys"
Oh how badly I wished this was true

It's sad how such a stupid text on a fricken Xbox made me write this
Because it was rude, and something you'll never understand of how much it hurts
My thoughts about you are running wild everyday
And you wouldn't think about me for one second of any day
And it sucks how I can fix my life
Which is to cut you out, not give you my everything because you don't do the same
But that's something I just can't do
I don't know why
I'm just another person in your life
And you're my first kiss, my first dream man
I'm scared that this year, it's not going to be me for your New Years kiss
And it's going to her
But it's pretty obvious
It's going to be her
And oh man, that is going to feel like a bullet in my heart 

I tried distracting myself with another guy
It worked for a bit
But the feelings keep returning 
Those hurtful feelings
I'm here giving advice to other hurting girls
And yet I don't follow that advice
Which is what I really should do
Every Time I see you with her
It hurts so much
I'm scared to see you two alone
As you two might kiss
And it sucks how she's my cousin
And she can't see the pain
That he causes
Why
Someone help me and just
Tell me
Is there a whole purpose this is happening?
Why, just why?


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