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Don't Make Me Write

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: December 28, 2018

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Submitted: December 28, 2018

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Don't make me write about the time I skipped school when I was in kindergarten & how I sat at the edge of a creek as a 5 year old child, all day & all alone because I was afraid of a bully at school

Don't make me write about how many times I got into the car with someone who was driving while under the influence of alcohol or drunk because they were to fucking proud to hand over the keys & let me drive

Don't make me write about the 24 cans of beer that were always in my locker in high school or how they got there

Don't make me write about the abuse that women who are my dear friends in Trinidad are forced to endure because they have limited resources to assist themselves & get to safety

Don't make me write about how I slowly watched my Mom die from a horrible & curable disease 

Don't make me write about our snowmobile being stuck in slushy snow & ice 2 miles out on a frozen lake in Burks Falls at midnight

Don't make me write about the snake that was coiled up around an oil lamp that fell on my back as I was leaning into the fridge to collect ingredients to make breakfast for 12 people in Algonquin Park

Don't make me write about the time I drove 3 kids & my husband home from a wedding in Toronto to Collingwood and I couldn't keep my eyes open

Don't make me write about how my husband's Grandmother & best friend were killed by a drunk driver

Don't make me write about being gang-raped by 4 guys in high school, who took me out for a joy ride to the country & refused to take me home until all of them were sexually satisfied

Don't make me write about my girlfriend in Trinidad who can't walk properly because she has a bone coming out of her foot & cannot walk normal 

Don't make me write about the time I thought I was going to meet the love of my life & enjoy a week together in the Caribbean and he kept me hostage for 4 days while he sodomized me, day after day after day until I was finally able to get away

Don't make me write about the time my parents hired a male babysitter; a supposed friend of the family who only wanted to play strip poker & when I lost and refused to run around naked he took me in my room, forced me to lay down where he laid on top of me, humping me, so he could get off without actually having sex with me

Don't make me write about how I was paired off by church members with a "prayer buddy" and mine was the same man who tried to sexually assault me. Each morning I was forced to speak to him before I went to school so we could "pray together for healing in the world"

Don't make me write about the time we were camping as a family & there was a black fly that was bothering me and after I had blurted out ... "get off me you little bugger", my Dad took me into the trailer and cussed me proper about the correct use of the word, loud enough that everyone around us could hear

Don't make me write about the time I peed in my sleeping bag on a camping trip because I was too scared to wake up my parents in the middle of the night to go to the outhouse

Don't make me write about the times I witnessed people abusing children or animals

Don't make me write about the time I took a family members car keys away & called them a cab instead of letting them drive because they were so drunk

Don't make me write about the guy in highschool that pursued me with such intent & purpose that I was literally afraid of going to school

Don't make me write about the time I flushed down a weeks worth of birth control pills because I wanted a baby so bad

Don't make me write about the guy who I met in the Dominican Republic who showed me how to manicure the "promised land" & then made love to me all afternoon; even though I was married

Don't make me write about the security guard in Varadero, Cuba who banged on my door for hours at 2 AM, hoping that I would finally open the door & let him in, so he could have his way with me

Don't make me write about the time we woke up with our four puppies in bed, only to step out into dog shit covering the entire carpet because they had all been sick during the night

Don't make me write about the time we had company coming for a meeting & we got home to discover that one of the dogs had knocked a planter off the tv & there was dirt everywhere

Don't make me write about the April Fools joke that my brother & I played on my Mom one year where we replaced the sugar with salt in her morning cup of tea

Don't make me write about how I would wear clothes from my closet to school & then change into a girlfriends clothes, because the clothes I had to wear were not like the cool kids

Don't make me write about being a redhead with freckles and being different than everyone else

Don't make me write about the time thieves broke into our yard in Angus, Ontario to try & steal our snowmobiles and instead our dogs went missing for a week, out alone at night with no warmth, food or shelter

Don't make me write about the time the police came knocking on the back door of my husband's Grandparent's house looking for him at 2 AM because he & a cousin had decided it was a good idea to try & steal some jugs of oil from the gas station

Don't make me write about what goes on at Youth Camps that are sponsored & attended by kids of parents who are actively involved in the church

Don't make me write about all the people I have helped by lending them money; knowing full well they could never repay what I had given them

Don't make me write about the crazy man who came across the street yelling & screaming obscenities at me & then assaulted me in broad daylight

Don't make me write about the stranger who came to my rescue that day, someone I've never again seen in my life

Don't make me write about the day I discovered I had cancerous melanoma

Don't make me write about the day my Mom died; how I had just started a new job, how my husband wouldn't allow me to go to the hospital to spend time with her because he didn't want to look after the kids & then learning the next morning at 4 AM that she had just died 

Don't make me write about the anger that wells up inside of me knowing someone who I thought loved me wants to hurt me so bad & in such a way that I will never recover

Don't make me write about swimming in Paudash Lake and coming up out of the water to discover a water snake within inches of me

Don't make me write about the letters I've written to my parents that were filled with hate for the way they raised me

Don't make me write about the ministers I've cussed for sweeping sexual abuse under the carpet 

Don't make me write about the hundreds of thousands of dollars that exchanged hands in lieu of the sexual abuse that members of my family were subjected to

Don't make me write about the incident at my wedding rehearsal, where my Father & the Priest had a toe to toe heated discussion about how the service would be performed

Don't make me write about the day I got married to my second husband & not one family member from my side was there

Don't make me write about how many times I've given my heart to someone who doesn't give a shit about me ... thinking that this "was finally love"

Don't make me write about the time I had to call an ex-boyfriend who had stolen $15,000 from me & I begged him to buy me a ticket so I could leave Tobago & get home safe

Don't make me write about the Tall Man who made sure I had a fresh cooked dinner on the table every night I came home from work, but this same man would humiliate & cuss me in front of members of our families & think this was normal

Don't make me write about the way he came running through the airport determined to save me from making the biggest mistake of my life, by choosing myself over him

Don't make me write about being taken to a women's shelter in the back of a police cruiser 1.5 hours outta the city so I was safe

Don't make me write about calling my Father to tell him I was in a women's shelter & safe but I couldn't even tell him where I was 

Don't make me write about how I was told to secure my home once I returned, to keep all the windows closed & locked, pull the couch in front of the door to make it harder for someone to break in

Don't make me write about calling the man who said he loved me from the women's shelter & then him telling me to resolve my own issues as he hung up on me

Don't make me write about the man that was a professional hockey referee who lied to me for 3 years telling me he was saving the money I gave him in an account for us to start a new life

Don't make me write about finding out he used my money to pay for the brand new Cadillac that now sits in his driveway

Don't make me write about the emails I deleted from him because he felt I should pay back the $1,000 dollars he had lent me to get a plane ticket, so I could get home safe

Don't make me write about the $150 I actually sent him when I returned home because I felt guilty

Don't make me write about the times I was forced to have sex & the condom that was used was an old bread bag

Don't make me write about all the money I have spent on weed to smoke while I try and numb the pain of surviving all the shit I've lived through

Don't make me write about all the business ideas I've had that I let slip through my fingers because I'm afraid of failing

Don't make me write about the time I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime to be mentored by one of today's greatest poets and I threw it away because I felt I wasn't ready

Don't make me write about my desire to be out on the ocean sailing & exploring life in other places that I've only dreamt of or seen on tv

Don't make me write about the times I've looked after someone else's needs before I looked after my own

Don't make me write about how I cannot define self-love and therefore I cannot give it to myself or to others

Don't make me write about the estranged relationship I have with my own child because I'm duplicating exactly the same behavior I was taught as a child

Don't make me write about the time I drove out of the Brampton Courthouse on 2 wheels on the day the verdict was read in my child's sexual assault case & the accused walked free

Don't make me write about how the Father of my children stood up, pressed charges and had to divorce his wife because a member of her family sexually assaulted OUR child

Don't make me write about all the things that are so painful to write about ... maybe tomorrow, but please don't make me write about them today


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