Half past midnight

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
The loss and miss of a partner

Submitted: January 03, 2019

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Submitted: January 03, 2019

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Half past midnight

 

It was half past midnight, and the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I typed your birthday message. Wishing you luck on the day you were born, the day I don’t get to share with you anymore.

 

The day we met still clear in my mind, that day on the airport, a girl meeting a girl, I have never seen your face before, but the smile that radiated from you while you hold up the sign with my name on it was just for me. I did not see the frown of the old man when I hugged you and held on to you for longer than I should have and stared in your eyes.

 

Your smile which I saw a hundred times after that across a room, in a crowd, your smile which always made my heart beat faster, your smile that now breaks my heart in a thousand pieces.

 

It is our first holiday apart, our first Christmas not laughing about the cat’s antics with the Christmas tree, my first holiday without you.

 

We had fifteen years of laughter, of fighting, of loving, of being there for each other. Fifteen years of not seeing your smile every day anymore, not dealing with your morning grumpiness before coffee.

 

I can go on forever about what you meant to me and how I am missing you, but I was too emotional closed off, and you were in love with falling in love. I was too old-fashioned. I believed in love and in forever, and you loved the feeling of falling in love. I wanted you. You wanted everyone.

 

I found this forget about your smile and the way it made me feel. During the I . You were the one I long for and you were the one who I look for in my every day.

 

As I press “Finish” I let out my breath, which I did not realise I was holding. It hurt, but I needed to move forward, or I will always see your green eyes and your radiant smile, but my life is not over. to. I don’t want to become the jilted lover who turned stalker and became the grumpy seventy-year-old that every kid hated. Then with a sigh, I pressed delete, I am not ready for this, maybe I will be one day, maybe I will never be. I am just happy to be me at the moment and not be defined by who I am with, to learn to be myself, and to know what I want.

 

It is half past midnight, and I hope you are happy wherever you are my friend.

 


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