Ungodly

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Vintage Publishing

A deadly personal vendetta...

 

“Who are you?”

“Where am I?” An agitated Jason Collins shouts.

He’s blindfolded and tied down to a chair. His hands clammy and his wrists aching from the rope tightly gripping them together.

“I hear you, I can hear you breathing. I can hear your footsteps!” he shouts once more. Meanwhile struggling to get loose.

His heart beats increasingly rapid—there’s a knot in his throat that’s tough to swallow. He panics and turns his head left and right; his attempt to free himself is in vain.

He hears footsteps on what he assumes is a wooden old floor. Jason calms himself down—at least he tries to. He needs to hear the footsteps, he needs to hear his assailant approaching him slowly.

Jason hears someone chuckling. A woman! Is the only clue he manages to detect from this unknown individual. But who? He wonders. And what do they want?

“Listen, I don’t know what you want but please, take my wallet. You won’t find much in there but just take it. Okay?”, he says out of breath.

“And take my car!” he adds. But where is his car? The last thing he recalls is getting inside his car and passing out. He was on his way to Stacy’s house.

“You fool”, the mystery woman says. Jason can hear her pacing around him.

“What do you want from me?” he cries. He’s afraid and he should be.

“I want what you took from me”, she softly says.

“Carlin”? at last, he recognizes the voice. It’s coming from the girl he has been seeing for the past three months. The woman who he led to believe so many lies.

“Carlin, what are you doing?” he asks—worried and confused.

“You lied to me, Jason. You lied to me, when you shouldn’t have”, she replies.

“No, wait, what are you talking about?” Jason’s attempt at playing stupid backfires.

“I was fine before I met you. I believed your intentions were pure. I gave you my untouched body and I gave you my heart”, she continues.

“But I can only get one of those things back”, she concludes while letting out a laugh. A dark one, indeed.

“Carlin, wait, I’m sorry. Just let me loose and we’ll talk about it. Okay?” a paranoid Jason frets.

“No, I’m done listening to you. You should’ve known better than to cross me”, she says.

Carlin spreads her legs open and sits on Jason’s lap while facing him. He gets startled—still trying to swallow that knot in his throat.

She removes his blindfold and stares into his dark hazel eyes.

“Carlin, I’m sorry, Stacy means nothing to me. Please don’t hurt me”, Jason pleads. His face is smudged from fear.

“I’m assuming that is what you have told her, as well. But you see, baby, an eye for an eye and a heart for a heart!” Carlin’s ire is palpable. Jason witnesses her fiery red eyes—bright red and orangey eyes looking straight at him.

He is petrified and beyond frightened. What he feels now is the inevitable outcome of his fate.

“What are you?” he whispers. Deeply disturbed by the sight of her eyes.

“They say I am the devil itself. But I say I’m just a woman scorned!” Carlin screams and rips Jason’s beating heart out of him.

She holds this palpitating organ in her hand. Bloodied but now satisfied; she takes a bite out of it.

She stares at Jason’s lifeless corpse with a bloody mouth, and whispers: “Now we’re even”.


Submitted: January 09, 2019

© Copyright 2020 jaylisbeth. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

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Sue Harris

Wow, what an ending! You did a brilliant job of building the suspense and Jason's fear. I was prepared for a gory conclusion but this was shocking. He certainly messed with the wrong woman, what a vendetta! Great job, Lis,
shockingly good. Bravo!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 3:54pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, Sue :) Horror is a genre I want to pick up again.

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:59am

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WinnerWire

Holy shit to the ending

Wed, January 9th, 2019 4:04pm

Author
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Thank you so much for reading, friend :) It means a lot to me.

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:58am

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Adam L.

Well damn! Hell hath no fury... this is the most disturbing and twisted revenge. In awe with your story Lis.

Wed, January 9th, 2019 4:21pm

Author
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Thank you, amigo! :)

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:58am

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Melancholic Wisdom

Oh wow, the ending really took me by surprise! Definitely I thought towards the end that she really is the devil, quite the gory end. The anger and heartbreak was captured well, great work Lis!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 7:28pm

Author
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Thank you so much, MW. This is unlike anything else I've posted here on Booksie. It means a lot to me that you read :)

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:56am

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Mike S.

NEVER lie in a relationship, it's the quickest way to the end--excellent, J. B!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 7:48pm

Author
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I have to agree wholeheartedly with you, Mike :) Thank you so much

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:55am

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Jeff Bezaire

What an ending! :D Like plunging a dagger or nose-diving into the sea, it's so sudden and brutal, but so well done! Spectacular writing! A great personification of heartache as well. For anyone who reads this story, there can be no denying there's nothing worse than a woman scorned. I think this could scare some men straight.
Incredible work, my friend! A well-crafted story, the supernatural element is well done too - just enough to add an extra dimension of intrigue to the story, and that ending . . . dynamite!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 8:38pm

Author
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Ha! Thank you so much, Jeff. This is what a night of insomnia gave me, especially after watching a Horror movie that still scares me to this day; 'Hannibal'. Thank you so much for reading and the kind comment, my friend.

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:55am

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hullabaloo22

Okay! That was some piece of flash fiction, jaylisbeth. Not the ending I expected but you know, it fitted really well with the story. The first piece of horror I think I've read from you, and I'm hoping you'll be doing more!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 8:41pm

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Thank you, thank you, Hully :) It is my first piece of Horror since my early teens. I am so glad you enjoyed it.

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:52am

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Joe Stuart

Well done, Jaylisbeth. This started as a real world terror story that might have had a predictable ending, but then it swung into the supernatural and gave new meaning to 'you stole my heart so now I am taking yours'. Eew!

Wed, January 9th, 2019 10:26pm

Author
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Ha! Well, thank you, Joe, I am deeply grateful :)

Thu, January 10th, 2019 5:51am

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johngumbs

You did not scare me with your story because I am an ex-soldier. The story is brilliantly written. Then ending, well, wasn't expecting that. You have thr gift of writing.

Sat, January 12th, 2019 3:36pm

Author
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Thank you very much, John

Mon, January 14th, 2019 5:54am

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NaQeeba Zafar

Oh my giddy aunt! What an ending! Wow it was a nice story but you reveaveld the mystery too soon. You should have extended the mysterious section of the story and it would have made it more engaging. It's just an interpretative comment. Otherwise, the story is well-written and interesting.

Sat, January 19th, 2019 9:39am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, friend! :)

Tue, January 22nd, 2019 6:11am

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Tom Allen714

Well Done Jaylisbeth, a woman scorned has no equal when it comes to Revenge...Tom...

Sat, January 19th, 2019 5:35pm

Author
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Thank you so much, Tom :) I couldn't agree more.

Tue, January 22nd, 2019 6:09am

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TheSinningCrow

Fear and suspense are the best ways to create horror. Most of your thriller/horror stories are about revenge, and you should keep at this, because you create Stori with great fear and suspense, and it leads to a brilliant ending. Jason should of known better that some women will take extreme measures to get revenge, especially if they have been cheated on. I have no sympathy for him, and he got what he deserved. This reminds me of an Asian film, sadly I don't remember the name of the film, but I will say it's a good compliment I'm giving you :)
Love the line when she says that people call her the devil itself. A brilliant stroke of fear, because it means that Jason will know that he has no way out. I hope you do more horror, because the revenge theme you know how to do, and do it in creative ways. Excellent story Lisbeth.

Sun, January 20th, 2019 9:09pm

Author
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I am highly honored, Dexter, thank you so very much for the compliment. I will most definitely try to break through the realm of Horror again.

Tue, January 22nd, 2019 6:05am

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Ian D. Mooby

I always love stories of revenge and betrayal and this one is no exception. I was hoping for more torture, but you sell the story without having to resort to that level of gore which speaks to your skill as a writer.

Sat, January 26th, 2019 8:42pm

Author
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Thank you so much for reading, friend. This has been my first Horror piece and I suppose I still need to work on that.

Mon, January 28th, 2019 6:13am

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Spyguy

Truly a tale to tell a tale, & a lesson to be learned & taught! I wish you joy & peace this Valentine’s Day, my sweet, beloved, Princess of the literary screen! You bring me joy & caring, & that’s why I’m a’sharing!

Thu, February 14th, 2019 10:35am

Author
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Awwww :) Well thank you, my sweet Spy!

Thu, February 14th, 2019 5:47am

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KJGG1230

That was awesome! Keep it up.I love your writing, and this elevates it even more, so thank you!

Wed, April 3rd, 2019 2:04am

Author
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Thank you very much :)

Wed, April 3rd, 2019 5:37am

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Curon

WELL NOW. That ending was... Shocking. This is what happens when you drive someone too far into madness. They become a heart eating demon apparently. lol

Sat, April 20th, 2019 6:47pm

Author
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Thank you so much for reading :)

Mon, April 22nd, 2019 7:35am

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Robert Helliger

Great horror story.
The ending is suspenseful, and well written.

Fri, August 16th, 2019 7:32am

Author
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Thank you so much :)

Wed, September 11th, 2019 11:58am

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