Shadow Dad's Famous Christmas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Writers Rift

Submitted: January 19, 2019

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Submitted: January 19, 2019



Shadow Dad’s Famous Christmas

There are several things in life I really love, classic cars, Pavlova and my family.

One Christmas day in the near future I was actually getting just a little too much of all these things, something I had always thought would never happen.

I’ll tell you just what happened on that weird and wacky day.

“Time to get out of bed and open your presents,” Shada Wife called to our family.

All of our kids scrambled out of bed quickly and rushed down the stairs bumping into each other in their haste.

“Ouch,” said Shada Storm rubbing her head with her hand after colliding with her brother Shadow Light.

“Where’s your father,” Shada Wife said, peering up the stairs.

All of a sudden she had to dash out of the way as she saw me zoom down the stairs in a shrunken classic 1960’s Pontiac.

“Wow,” I said hopping out of the classic red car, which then mysteriously vanished. “I was just lying in my bed when I heard my wife call and all of a sudden this Pontiac arrived and speed me down the stairs. “Not surprisingly it was a very short and bumpy journey.”

“Time to eat your breakfast,” Shada Wife said handing out salmon sandwiches to everyone including me.

“I’ll get myself some porridge,” I said giving my wife a bit of a disgusted look. “I’m feeling really hungry but I’m never going to eat those.”  I went to the cupboard and reached for my usual breakfast, after walking to the bench I suddenly noticed that I was holding nothing in my hands. Puzzled I went back to the cupboard and grabbed my porridge again. After putting a plate on the bench I poured in ½ cup of milk onto the spot where my plate happened to be only moments ago.  What a mess I made. Taking another plate out of the drawer I poured in the milk and added my porridge. After placing my plate in the microwave I was astounded to see it zooming around in the oven like it had four wheels. Then after I tried to remove it the porridge took off like it was racing in the Bathurst 1000. Astonished I watched in disbelieve as I saw my breakfast vanish through the unopened lounge door and speed down the driveway leaving traces of porridge in its wake. Sadly I had to resort to eating those yucky sandwiches.

“Time for presents,” Shadow Light called handing one to me.

“You always give me such fantastic presents,” I called back ripping back the untidy wrapping. When I had almost finished, I swore that something had moved. All of a sudden the present seemed to get a mind of its own. An old, tiny, weather-beaten wheel emerged and started to move slowly up my leg, then suddenly a 2nd wheel popped out and a 3rd and then a 4th. They suddenly acted as if they were having a race darting all around my body. I was very startled as I kept trying to swat them with my hands. But they were very fast and I kept missing them every time.

“Shada Wife you can have my present now,” I said giving one to my wife while trying to ignore this small nuisance.

She opened it to find a very expensive iPad inside.

“I didn’t buy you that I said in disbelieve, I bought you that DVD you asked for. What’s going on here?”

“Here’s my present Dad,” said Shadow Aspire.

I was very cautious opening my present this time, kind of scared with what I was going to get.

Would you believe what I got was the small body of a classic car? The wheels raced of me and attached themselves to the 1960’s Cadillac.

“Have my present now,” sang out Shada Storm. “I can’t wait to see what I got you.”

“I certainly can wait,” I replied handing out a present to each of my children.  None of the presents I distributed did I had any recognition of buying at all, but the children were all overwhelmed at my extreme generosity, so I decided to keep quiet when I saw all of their excited faces.

“Have my present now,” sang out Shada Storm again, handing my parcel over to me.

I took it a little bit scared by now. I opened it very slowly and peered inside. It was a miniature sized motor which I then took out of the wrapping and placed under the bonnet of my very small car. “Fancy having to be a mechanic on Christmas Day,” I said with a slight smile on my face.

We continued opening presents for a few more minutes before I received my ones from my two stepchildren, which happened to be car seats which I popped into my small vehicle and a petrol-can filled with petrol which I accidentally poured a little out off onto my jeans while I was unwrapping it. Then it was time for my last present which happened to come from Shada Wife. The parcel was very small and I guessed what it must be, the keys to start my new car. I was getting quite excited by now. I finally had a classic car which I had always wanted. But now how was I going to drive it? It was so small. But I needn’t have worried because apparently while I was opening all of my presents I was shrinking every time. I looked up at my now enormous wife and hoped she wouldn’t crush me with that gigantic foot. But oh well at least I now had my classic car. Which did look about 60 years old but a good coat of paint would hopefully do the trick. 

I drove my Cadillac outside all eager for a good ride. But then something strange started to happen, it began to snow. This was going to be the first white Christmas New Zealand had ever seen - but wait, it wasn’t snowing, after all, there were multitudes of Pavlova falling from the sky making the ground all white.

 “Yuck,” Shada Storm cried rubbing the yucky mess from her face and running back inside.

The Shadow boy twins Shadow Light and Shadow Aspire were having the time of their lives, opening their mouths and trying to catch the falling food.

I was trying desperately to keep my precious car spotlessly clean by making sure that I ate all of the falling debris.

It was getting on towards 12.00 by now and my Mum and my Parent in Laws all arrived at the same time. And how do you think they found us. I was hunched over the Cadillac feeling sick. Shadow Light and Shadow Aspire were throwing up near a Pavlova snowman. Shada Wife was oblivious to what was going on as she was too busy preparing dinner and Shada Storm was upstairs playing her new game on the Nintendo Switch.

Dinner consisted of Roast Turkey cooked by Shada Wife’s Mum, pumpkin, kumara, roast potatoes, vegetables and a baked ham bought over from my Mum’s, all would have been very yummy indeed if it weren’t for me suffering from a queasy stomach. After the main course, Shada Wife went to the kitchen to fetch the dessert. Upon seeing the Pavlova that she had cooked I rushed madly to the washhouse tub to throw up, Shadow Light headed for his usual red sick bowl and Shadow Aspire ran at full speed up the stairs to the bathroom sink. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite make it on time and left a huge mess at the top of the stairs. Shada Wife was completely confused as she had no idea what was going on and still wanted to serve me up a big slice of Pavlova. I have not had a slice of Pavlova since that day.

Later in the afternoon after I had recovered somewhat I thought that I would go back outside to check on my classic car, which by now was completely covered in gooey marshmallow mess, at least by now the sun had come out and there was a bright yellow sun in the sky. Apparently, according to Shada Wife’s parents and my Mother, the only place with Pavlova snow was at our house. That was very weird.  I spent 20 minutes with the garden hose spraying the Pav off my car before deciding to take it for a drive around the block.

“Want to come for a ride with me,” I called to my wife before realising what a silly question that actually was.

“I’d love to,” Shada Wife called back, walking over to my Cadillac.

I was actually quite impressed with her ability to wedge herself into my small vehicle. She had one arm out of the left front window, her leg poking from the driver’s door and her other arm sticking out of the back passenger window.

But there was trouble when there came time for me to get in to drive, there was hardly a space left in my car for me to fit in. Sadly Shada Wife decided maybe I should take off on my own and with a little bit of effort had to exit the car.

Putt, Putt, Putt the car slowly started to move its way down our driveway with all of my family following me. What an audience I attracted with my Cadillac, people seemed to notice me from their windows and soon a huge crowd of people were on the footpath pointing and talking. It was certainly the strangest drive that I have ever been on in my life, chances are I’ll be on the news tomorrow, Shada Wife, of course, had her video camera, but there was also a lot of other people taping me. I was a little nervous at all this attention.

This is how my journey went.

As I was driving there was a sudden jolt at the back I waved at some small blonde haired girl but she didn’t wave back instead she looked surprised spoke a few words to her mum and turned and started to run away.  Looking in my rear view mirror I noticed that she was running after a tyre that was rolling down a driveway. Startled I suddenly realised that it had come off my car and now I was left driving with only three wheels. Within a short space of time, I felt a second jolt, to look back and watch another wheel going drifting away with a larger redheaded boy chasing it. Oh No! I was losing some of my Christmas present. Surprisingly the car was actually moving quite smoothly on only two wheels.  But within a few minutes and a third jolt, the car automatically tilted right up balancing precariously on one wheel. It certainly made driving very difficult. I was so scared that I let go of the steering wheel but the car seemed to be able to drive on its own and then, of course, the fourth wheel came off making the car bounce as if I was on a trampoline.  A big gust of wind suddenly thrashed at my vehicle lifting the top of the car into the air and leaving me a crumpled mess lying on the road. Upset I picked up the steering wheel that was lying beside me and walked slowly home.  Shada Wife came running up beside me and gave me a massive hug which automatically made me feel better especially when I realised on that small walk the tingling in my joints that I was experiencing was me growing back to my original size. 

I’m sure when I do own a classic car which I have picked myself it will be a much more enjoyable experience.

To this day I still love classic cars, Pavlova and my family as luckily this day is yet to come and hopefully never well.

Considering that this all happened in the near future maybe all it was, was a bad dream.

The End

Written by Shada Wife

© Copyright 2019 ShadaStorm120. All rights reserved.

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