I Still Don't Know How ?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Hypothetically portraying the struggle of an introvert boy regarding love. Satire of an autobiography. Based on the student life in Dhaka,Bangladesh.My very first story.
(Updated and remastered)

Submitted: January 23, 2019

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Submitted: January 23, 2019

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I Still Don’t Know How?
Ishraq Hassan (2019)

Life is complicated. You never know where it takes you. Sometimes, it may take one to the higher level of Success; then again, it may also take someone to the greatest peak of misery. This is just a general notion of life which everyone is pretty much aware of. Besides; the idea of life has somehow always remained similar, especially when it comes to the matter of desire. Some wish to be rich, some wish to be popular, some wish to be beautiful, and it goes on and on. However, my life was obscure in a different way, where I never really thought I would ever get involved in. It was more like I was infected by a virus called “LAFS”. “Figured it out already? Yes! You guessed it right!” .It stands for “Love at First Sight” which literally made me a Wacko for an adequate amount of time and took my introvert life into a warped path. I was actually doing well, as being a university student my CGPA was good enough, I was moderately admired by my lecturers ,did tutoring for pocket money, and so on. I was honestly pleased with my life schedule with no intention of changing it .But who knew, that it would only take one damn smile from her to make me go “Cuckoo”. Therefore, enough with the ridiculous introduction and let us proceed to the story which made me write this disastrous tale.
 

University is sort of a whimsical place. Not sure about girls ,but the boys who starts this 4 years of journey as a freshmen ,may tell you when you ask them ,that their main goal is to focus on their studies ,score good results and utilize their gained knowledge to create a bright future. Except what they don’t tell you is that, when they start as a freshmen they secretly have a dream, a hope, to find their true beloved. However, you may also find many exceptions, just like me. I never paid attention to this so called “Fascination”. In fact, I was stern to my own rules. To me, this courtship is nothing but temporary and meaningless. Maybe my way of thinking regarding this love entanglement issue has something to do with an unpleasant incident happened to me when I was in college, which we can ignore for now.
 

Anyway, as far as I remember it was 6th February, a regular Wednesday. Our batch was supposed to give a group presentation. So we all had to look good .When the class ended, my friends and I were having a little chitchat, as we all wait for the elevator in the corridor on the 4th floor. In the meantime, I had a call from an unknown number. So I excused myself and moved alongside to the stairs to receive the call. It was one of those annoying insurance guys with their special offers. They were so carried away elaborating about their best plans to invest, whereas ignoring me saying, “I am not interested!” .As soon as I was about to hung up, unexpectedly something magical happened. Someone happens to catch my eye, someone so unfamiliar yet felt so close. It was a girl wearing a white salwar dress, walking up the stairs. I was stricken! The moment she was passing me by, was the time everything became slow motion. She had that heavenly smile which was mesmerizing. Her hair was dense black, like darkness at night. Not to mention her hypnotizing eyes. Her skin was like the wet sand from the Sahara desert, which reflects everything the sun hurls. At that moment, the insurance guy wasn’t annoying anymore, because somehow his chattering miraculously became the song of Tom Grennan’s, “Found What I've Been Looking For”. She was stunning, simply stunning! Not a bit of fancy overdue makeup. When she was gone, I was still standing frozen. One of my friends waked me up from this 50 watt shock I had, saying, “What happened? You missed the elevator! Everything okay?” and I replied, “Yes! I’m fine! Don’t bother, let’s take the stairs!” May God forgive me, because I lied, telling him I was “fine”, honestly my brain was tangled, shuffled, jammed by her splendor!
 

“This must have been a touch of luck, right? I mean, after all I am a boy! So sometimes it is totally natural to get dips on ladies .Not a big deal at all!” that is what I told myself when I got home. I did not have any room for such tender feelings, so it was about time I went back to my daily schedule .Though I was not able to forget her instantly. I was distracted in whatever work I was doing, because I was partly daydreaming about her. I felt like a total baloney going crazy over a stranger girl. That was so not me. By some means, it was understandable that the only thing which can save me from today’s fancy reverie is a good night sleep.
 

The next day, I went to the university and I was hoping not to see her again, considering it for my own good. She was nothing but a diversion which was affecting my moral codes against having relationships. When I arrived at the university campus, my eyes were circling the area whether she was anywhere around me or not. It was 8 in the morning, usually students don’t come that early, so I became pretty convinced she won’t too. Hence, I grew confidence and went inside. “And what do you know?”She was right there, alone, waiting for the elevator, scrolling her phone. Out of all the people it had to be her! I was literally shaking like I was in the deep cold of Alaska. When the elevator came, she went in, I rushed inside as well, nearly startled her. She looked at me once and then started paying attention to her phone. I had a feeling, she was thinking of me as a total weirdo, because I was so twitchy at that moment, standing at the very right corner of the elevator. Though it was hard to figure out what she was thinking, judging by her facial expression, since she had that trademark smile mode turned on. It was dead silent inside. The elevator stopped in the 3rd floor and there she took off. “Thank goodness!” A couple seconds more and I would have exploded out of nervousness. I was being a total man child, “Pathetic!” .Although, it wasn’t that bad when I remember being with her for a moment, consequently which was not the plan, but I don’t regret it at all.
 

Later that day, on the way home out of curiosity, I had an urge to know about her. Taking help from my friends was not an option, not yet. They were my last resort. Not like, they won’t help me or something but it will undeniably create a drama. If I ever say to them, “I have night vision”, they will believe me without any hesitation. What they cannot process in to their brain is that, “How on earth a skeptical guy like me, wants to know about a girl?”Thus, I had to take assist from someone I know particularly among the seniors who was a professional at this sort of work, as well as keeping the matter a secret.
 

After felicitating that senior brother, by offering him a cup of tea, 3 samosas, 1 diet soda and some money for cigarettes, I finally got the information I needed within one week. Her name was “Mantasha”. An average Student from the faculty of Arts (My Faculty), Single, lives little far away from where I live, and she belonged to the batch which was two semesters junior then mine. All this time has passed and I never even noticed her before. The time I realized how fanatical I was to my practical life that I ignored my surroundings. That time I thought, “It is okay! I am a senior now! I will just go introduce myself, try to be friends at first and later tell her how I feel! Simple as that! Right?”. “Well Wrong!” It was the toughest part of my life. I was so fretful towards my juniors. Most of them already knew how sour I was to them. And here my fate brought me to the position where I had to deal with one of them, and that one of them was her.
 

Since couple of days, it was to my concern that I was getting sloppy in my studies. My everyday schedule was at the stake of jeopardy. Nevertheless, I was captivated by her charm. Every day at home was the rehearsal of how I should introduce myself to her, through taking ideas from various sources such as, reading romantic dramas, watching tutorial videos on internet like “How to approach a girl?(Awkward!)”, and many more. It felt like I was having my very own “French Revolution” inside my mind, where “love” was acting as the peasants killing the “Negative concept about relationships” of mine with guillotine, treating them as the rich aristocrats. Probably I understood everything which was happening to me, but still I consoled myself thinking, “As soon as we are together, everything will be back to normal in no time!”
 

However, everything was not normal at all. As hard as it was to believe, but Six months had already flown away, and I still could not make any progress. I tried to be acquainted with her in every way possible but no luck. Because, whenever I went to introduce myself, I got paralyzed every time I saw her. Other than work, interaction with people was not my specialty. Moreover, I also had many unassertive thoughts like, “What if I am not her type? What if someone else impresses her away before I do? I cannot afford to let that happen! (My Goodness! Did I really just say that?)”.I realized that whatever I needed to do, I needed to do it fast. So it was about high time to call my backup, it was about high time to let my friends Sadman and Zafer, finally know about my mortifying “Crush situation”.
 

When I broke the news about my current dilemma and showed her to them from distance, they were nonplussed .Their open mouthed reaction made me confused whether they were still on earth or not. I had to answer their lots of queries like “You what? How? When? Are you serious?” and more. Normally, as what I thought might happen also took place. I had to undergo through their teasing (Of course!), like how I could not stay focus to my ideals, how bells of love are ringing inside my heart, “Behold our custom made Romeo!”, they mocked. I was painfully bashful at the moment that my face gone red. Anyhow, when the matter was clear to them, they were ready to “play cupid”. Though, apart from me, my two friends also had anxiety on asking a girl out, the only difference was, Ah! Well! Basically there was no difference. It was hopeless. “But still better than
nothing, right?”They were eager with hope that if a guy like me falls into a relationship, then they might also work on their luck too. It will boost their confidence level up.

 

After deep thinking and planning we finally came to a solution. As I was nervous around her, there was a big possibility that I could mess the whole thing up, if I confront her. So I had to cut to the chase. We came to the decision of giving her a written note which will be containing my deep fondness for her. “Yes people! I was going to give her a love letter.”But there was a twirl. In the letter, I was supposed to be a secret admirer telling her all the truth about why I had to pick this way of approach instead of confronting her in person. Out of curiousness, if by any possibility she thinks I deserve a chance then she can meet me at the student hall at the given date and time. All was perfectly written. But just in case, what if she comes to the student hall for other reason and not for me? That’s why I also sort that thing out just to be cautious. I insisted her to wear a red dress; yellow or blue was also fine, if she did not have any red (How genius I was!).
 

The letter was ready to be delivered. Only now it was time to figure out how to give it to her. As being a senior we could just call someone from her batch and tell that student to give the letter to her .But it would only draw attention nothing more. Besides, if she says “No” then it will be a matter of gossip around the corners which could color me for good. So we wanted to keep it as stealthy as possible. While planning, we three badly realized how important it was to have a girl in our crew. She would have been completed the task by now. Anyhow, after hours of brainstorming we finally came up with a plan. There was an office assistant at our university campus we knew very well, a lady. She was quite affable. We selected her to be the perfect person for the task, who can deliver the letter without any trouble. Thus, this being settled we were all ready for the big day which was supposed to be my last solitary way of approaching her.
 

It was the big day. Getting dressed for the class almost made me feel like a soldier, putting on a combat armor for a battle. Damn, I was nervous as hell! After meeting up with my pals at the campus, the first thing we did is to find that lady assistant we chose for the task yesterday. But only from there, my series of misfortune had begun, and it was five in total. The 1st bad luck, the lady assistant we were looking for was on leave due to sickness. She had Malaria (Just what I needed! Screw you Mosquitoes!).I was tensed. I saw no other option but to give the letter to one of her classmates, the very thing which I wanted to avoid. That brings me to my 2nd bad luck. We went to check out her batch and found no one (Are you kidding me!). Soon after, Sadman jabs me from behind and shows me to the left .It was her, along with her friends coming towards the class. As a result, there was no scope of giving the letter to her or any of her classmates (who can give it to her afterwards), at that moment. So we went down to have some snacks and wait.
 

While waiting, eventually I greeted my 3rd bad luck. Zafer was supposed to bring the most important ingredient of the love letter and that was a “Red Rose”, which he forgot to buy. That brings me to panic mode. We three rushed in the search for the nearest flower shop and did manage to find one, but it was closed. As compensation, I had to buy a cheap chocolate bar from a cheap grocery store and put it inside the envelope. I understood something very clearly at that moment, “After giving this letter to her, she might say many things, but saying yes to my proposal was not one of them!”As we return back to the campus, I thought nothing can go worse now (Me and my big mouth!).Out of nowhere it started to rain. My 4th Bad luck. I put the letter inside my bag and tried to find a shade. Also I could not wait for so long as her class was supposed to end in 10 minutes. So we had to rush half the way back getting wet. I looked like a wet parrot, but I was glad to save the letter from getting wet.
 

Suspiciously the campus suddenly felt less on students. We went upstairs to check whether her class has ended or not and found the class room empty. Only two boys from her batch were standing outside the class. We asked them if their class was over, and they replied, “The class has ended 20 minutes ago. Our lecturer has finished the class early today.” Just then, I realized it was obvious; she might have left for sure. Out of desperation, I finally asked them about her, “Have you seen Mantasha?”Both of my friends were surprised that I asked the boys directly about her. The boys said that they have. She was in the ladies common room with her friends waiting for the rain to stop. The boys were so normal about answering .They did not even make it a big deal out of it. At that point, I and my buddies realized we were over skeptical about everything so far.
 

I was sad; it felt like all my hopes went down. She was in the campus alright, but was in the room where no boys were allowed to enter. We can all agree that this was my 5th bad luck. There was no one I could ask to give the letter at that time and even if I wanted to give it to her by myself I couldn’t, because I was too untidy and messy, but most importantly for the fear of rejection. My friends finally understood that maybe it’s time we let it go. They started consoling me saying, “Let’s call the day off!” Maybe they were right, I better go home. This was where I put down the entire uphill struggle I had done for her from the last six months and I could not even let her know about it. “An introvert am I? It’s just a decent synonym for the word loser!” The way we all saw it, it was all done for.
 

Or so as it seemed! Somehow, unexpectedly I snapped. I refused to leave because I had enough. It was about time I get out of these childish steps and be a man. If I have to face a rejection so be it. I was straight going ahead to the ladies common room to give the letter by myself. My friends tried to stop me, they said, “Don’t do it! It’s madness!” But it was too late to be “Prufrock”. I came too far to go back. The moment I pushed the door and stepped inside, all the attention of the girls was on me. It felt like I was the first man to step foot in the Amazon island full of warrior women. Inside the common room I saw her with a curious face. I dramatically went close to her and said, “Listen you! I beg your pardon if I am being rude. But I think I need to tell you something!”At that moment, I literally explained everything I wrote in the letter, how I felt about her, and also adding today’s epic incidents. She was surprised and confused whether to be happy or angry, but the other girls inside were nudged alright! Before I left, I finally gave my letter into her hand and said, “I pretty much understand your answer might be no, but I will insist, you keep this letter to yourself as a compliment of your simplicity and charm!”She did not say anything at all but only stared at me, shocked. Later then my friends were proud of what I did, but deep inside I knew it was a bold move (A horrible, horrible move!). When I went back home, I felt so embarrassed. I mourned, “I shouldn’t have done it! I should have just gone home! She might think of me as a pervert now!” But the damage has already been done. It was clear that all was over for good.
 

The next day, it was for the very first time ever that I did not want to go to my class. I was ashamed of myself. But I had to go because I had a class test (Agh!). When I reached the campus, I saw my buddies were waiting for me at the gate. They were happy about what I did yesterday, but also worried about me as well. It was good to know that at least my friends cared for me and I should be fortunate to have them as they got my back all this time(Though they were no help at all!). Meanwhile, just to be sure I asked them about her, if they have seen her around. But they said, “No, she does not have class today”. I felt Gloomy for a second; I must have put her in a really awkward position. The environment in the campus was kind of strange. Some of students just came and greeted me and asked how I was. Not like it happened before but the rate was auspiciously high. Also I observed many students goggling me around and gossiping. I feared, “Maybe the news has been spread already, damn what a drag!” Or maybe it was all in my head.
 

After the class, we three went to the cafeteria and grabbed a table. We were talking and laughing about the silly things we use to do. In the middle of our conversation surprisingly both of my friends stopped talking and stared behind me. I said, “What’s Wrong?” Zafer replied, “Ahh! We better give you guys time!” and both started to leave the table. I again asked, “What? Where are you all going?”Then Sadman said, “Look behind Dummy!” and they both left. When I looked behind, I doubt I had soul inside me .It was Mantasha, wearing a red salwar dress. I was confused and just kept staring at her with my mouth open. She smiled and said hi to me.
Me, “Owe! Oh! Ahh! Ba!
Mantasha, “What?” (Chuckled)
Me, “I mean! Hi! Hello! How are you? Hi!
She started laughing and said that she was fine. Then she told me, “You really did a big confession yesterday! Six months huh? That was really something!” I nervously asked, “Ha ha! You are here? Wow! I thought you did not have any class today!” Mantasha replied, “Mm! Yeah! I don’t but in the letter you told me to come on Wednesday, didn’t you?”

 

I was so baffled thinking, “What is happening? Did she come all the way to say no? If it’s so then what’s with the red dress?” Before I almost had a brain stroke, she started to clear things out. She said, “You know? It is only fair now to confess what I have to say! Actually, I think you are cute too! (She Blushed).During my first year, I read an article about “Life Style” on the university magazine that you wrote. I liked it so much that I wanted to meet you in person. Yet, when I saw you, I found your straight forwardness so attractive, that I just had a crush on you (She shied).But I did not have enough courage to share that with you. It was quite surprising when I found out the person I like was also fond of me (She blushed again).”
 

My Brain stopped responding after hearing that I was her crush. Out of the blue, what? I mean all this trouble for someone who already likes me? Now to think of it, I never thought it was even possible. But there I was facing the truth. I could not believe it, but we were in the same track. She smiled and said, “Will I see you tomorrow?” and I happily replied, “Whenever you need me, yes!” We had coffee together, had further chats, and in the end we exchanged numbers. When she was about to leave, I walked her outside to her car. She waved bye from her window. I was waving back at her and thinking, “Gosh! She owns a car!” (Ahem! Ahem!) , What I meant was, “My dream came true, we finally bonded!” My buddies came to know about what happened and cheered after my success, though they did not believe the part where she said, I was her crush.
 

I Guess, Life is not a movie but it’s never less than one! In time, what is meant to be will take place sooner or later. By the way! How silly of me! I was so carried away telling you all about my story I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Sameer, and this is my story. What? You were hoping for someone else? (Oh! I’m Sorry, but it’s strictly fiction! “Ba Dum Tss!”) . Anyway, Now I can see I have to change my life routine because I am not single anymore. It really happened unexpectedly. When still out of curiousness someone asks, like how a guy like me ends up having a relationship? I gently put my hand to that person’s shoulder, have a little smirk in my face and say only one thing, “To be honest, I Still Don’t know how?”


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