Almost ended it all

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Feeling as though nobody cared,
Always left behind 7yrs old and scared
trying not to get in trouble somehow I did
My punishment being choked with a belt
Touched in a way leaving me cold and ashamed
What could I do?
I was little as time passed I've became hateful and silently cold
18 years old now
Hatred and pain is all I feel with sadness in my heart holding on to this whiskey bottle I guzzle some more my mom took my son my reason to live
Is now gone I lost it all
Slamming my bedroom door whiskey bottle still in my hand another guzzle, one more line
Vision of my son
He's almost 2 looking around with tears in my eyes looking at his lil toys and a picture of me and him I begin to cry my baby he's gone! I did this
It's my fault that's what my molester said when I was 7 it's all your fault,
I can't stop crying
My tears pouring like the blood from my wrist draining me dropping by my bed my eyes heavy I can still hear the music
Ozzy and Lita if I close my eyes forever.

Did I succeed no I was saved opening my eyes and see my son reaching to hold him and I whisper mommy will always love you I'm letting grandma take you.mommys sick
I pray one day you will understand why I pushed you away I couldn't promise I wouldn't try to end it again thinking you was better off.

5 yrs past and I give you a baby brother thanking creator I didn't end it both my reason to live
And both you boys blessed me with beautiful grandsons
Momma will always love you both for saving my life

Submitted: January 23, 2019

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 23, 2019

A A A

A A A


 

Feeling as though nobody cared,

Always left behind 7yrs old and scared 

trying not to get in trouble somehow I did 

My punishment being choked with a belt 

Touched in a way leaving me cold and ashamed 

What could I do? 

I was little as time passed I've became hateful and silently cold 

18 years old now 

Hatred and pain is all I feel with sadness in my heart holding on to this whiskey bottle I guzzle some more my mom took my son my reason to live 

Is now gone I lost it all 

Slamming my bedroom door whiskey bottle still in my hand another guzzle, one more line 

Vision of my son

He's almost 2 looking around with tears in my eyes looking at his lil toys and a picture of me and him I begin to cry my baby he's gone! I did this 

It's my fault that's what my molester said when I was 7 it's all your fault,

I can't stop crying 

My tears pouring like the blood from my wrist draining me dropping by my bed my eyes heavy I can still hear the music 

Ozzy and Lita if I close my eyes forever.

 

Did I succeed no I was saved opening my eyes and see my son reaching to hold him and I whisper mommy will always love you I'm letting grandma take you.mommys sick 

I pray one day you will understand why I pushed you away I couldn't promise I wouldn't try to end it again thinking you was better off. 

 

5 yrs past and I give you a baby brother thanking creator I didn't end it both my reason to live 

And both you boys blessed me with beautiful grandsons 

Momma will always love you both for saving my life


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