Hide and Seek

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a small section of the thoughts I have right now, some way to get out these emotions built in

Submitted: January 27, 2019

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Submitted: January 27, 2019

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Look at where you are now. You’re in a pit of darkness, with no way out it seems. How do I cope? How do I get out? How and why, why me you ask yourself. Why did I get myself into this? All these questions you keep asking yourself over and over hoping someone or something will give you the answers to these open-ended questions. Isn’t this what you wanted? You wanted to be someone. You wanted to do things you always dreamt of. You’re in Germany for fucks sake. Why can’t you be thankful of what you have and where you are in your life? You’re young, only 18 years of life you’ve been through and you’re already somewhere most people couldn’t ever get to. You had the guts to do something a number of people couldn’t ever work up the courage to do. But that’s not enough for you, because you know you made a mistake. You know you chose the wrong path. You wish you could turn back time, go back to the moment you thought you wanted this. The desperation you had to just be something in life. You just couldn’t wait, could you? You couldn’t wait to grow up and do something, to get out of your ordinary life feeling like time never stops and its wasted minute by minute. But now you cherish that time you had. It’s always on your mind, no matter what you’re doing you always find yourself thinking of those days, those moments, not just that you think about the places you were. How easy life was and how hard you made it all seem to be. Have you learned yet? Have you learned how easy you had it, how you should’ve been more patient with life? You think to yourself now about all you should’ve and could’ve done back then. Where would you be right now if you were just patient with life. You know where you would be. You’d be in school, learning all you can, making experiences out of it. You’d more than likely be working a shit job but you know it’s what you’d have to do, hell at least you’d have the freedom you so long for now. You’d be happier. You’d feel safe, cause now you feel like you’re on egg shells. You feel as if one wrong move and you’d fall farther down the hole. Every morning you wake up wondering why. All the why’s you ask yourself. You also think to yourself how you find yourself just stepping on every egg shell just making more cracks and more of a mess. You thought you were strong enough to carry this on your back. You try to sweep up the egg shells but as you do it just keeps cracking and cracking making more messes. So you throw the broom down and give up. You don’t care anymore about the mess, you don’t care about the cracks anymore. You lost all hope for cleaning it up. But why? You’ve never been one to just quit, have you? So why do you decide to quit now? Because you face a hardship you’ve never encountered? You feel as if you can’t excel in this hole, there’s no light coming in. It’s just caving in piece by piece. You crave the sun, the light you need. All you miss, all you miss is the sun. That hope you always had and talked about. You were the most hopeful person you knew, you surpassed any type of faith with your hope of life. You were optimistic and spoke of words no one could ever think of about life. You wanted more and more out of everything you came with. You always thought what’s next, what can I make more about this. But now you go day by day thinking about that girl. Where’d she go? Who took her away, who took her voice, her passion, her hope and faith in life? It almost seems as if she never even existed to you, but deep down you know she’s still there somewhere. Playing hide and seek and you just can’t seem to win for once. You’re playing a game you can’t win, and it’s a first for you and you’re taken back by it. It’s shitting on you right now and you can’t breathe. You can’t find the courage to stand up and learn the rules. Learn the strategy of the game you’ve been pushed into. It’s not a game you can just quit, one you can just pack back up and return. You have to play it through, and losing isn’t an option now, and it kills you to know that. You don’t want to face it, you don’t want to do this anymore. But you know you got yourself into it. Now you’re shaking and trembling to get out. Can’t even find the words to describe your fear. You thought you had fears before but now you know the real truth of what fear is, and you can’t fathom the thought of it living with you. 


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