The Blade and the Bearer

An extremely well written piece, flowing with the vibrancy of a practiced artist! I am well impressed, & love the way you’ve set up your tale!

This is a very good start to a promising novel. I do feel, maybe, all the information shared was a little much to process in one chapter, but this world and the character you’ve got are intriguing thus far, and I wonder what direction this story is going to go in. Anyway, overall, the writing itself is fantastic as usual, and I’m looking forward to reading on. Great job :D

Great start of a novel! A lot of imagery and description you’ve painted. I hope you keep writing, I’ll be looking forward to it!

Wow I'm actually impressed how much your writing has gone in a couple of months from writing thief. This is very well written and and I good start to the story. Just from the little details you can tell what type of world this is and you painted out the type of person Tyrkala is along with a very unique set of skills. The first chapter did its job and has my interest to see where this goes. I mean wow I'm still impressed by the imagery you just set up.

So I read a long series manga called Bakuman about two kids trying to become professional mangaka, trying to serialize a story that will land them an anime eventually. In their journey, one of the instructions for great composition of a climate of building intensity is to feature the individual frames on a diagonal line, vs being in a traditional box. Blade and the Bearer framed a hard moving diagonal though out this first chapter. I am intrigued and love that I do not feel lost with the mention of Mother's Denial, They Who Rose, the Vein. A risk involved with introducing fantastical references are that they will get lost in the readers mind, introducing too many new concepts of lore. As a child, Harry Potter was difficult to grasp the first attempt because of "Hermione" "muggle" "Hagrid". Looking back, that's silly, but thinking from a young reader perspective, it can be dangerous. I think that this first chapter introduces the naming structure for the characters, but also gives just a glimpse of a couple of concept ideas in the lore that will probably be mentioned again in the story. Great job! I'm looking forward to more!

This was an excellent first chapter. Very detailed descriptions with a lot of back-story. I'd certainly be interested in reading more.

Well written for a smooth reading. I completely enjoyed the clear and crisp details that created a fantastical unknown world which was dominated by a nature vs. man conflict. The ending of the first chapter tore through me as well. I wondered if the skeletons floating in the river was from Tyrkala's village or if it was another village desperate for water to fill their empty bellies. Great job!

From one fantasy writer to another, it takes a keen mind to create a world that is both a dream and pure imagination. Yet both one would think are the same, but it actually takes imagination to create the dream. Therefore, i must say you have completed that task by making this chapter both objectives. Again, like you told me, it is hard to make up a fairy tale that you can call your own without making someone loose interest in it. But for you, you have peaked the interest of me even though I myself am a horror reader and writer, so job well done.

Description is something you are not afraid of expressing in your writing which is a good thing. More detail brings more attention and eagerness of what lies beyond. Keeping that attention and eagerness is the most challenging part that a writer must face, so to you my friend, keep up the fantastic work and dont lose that skill.

Sincerely,
Reaper

Absolutely loved the imagery. Your description for the dagger is very well thought and I'm glad it's made from obsidian, because obsidian stones naturally have a very strong energy. Since such a powerful object was given to her by her father on his last day, that can be another explanation to how Tyrkala's character is so strong and dominant. When you illustrated the hunt itself later on in the chapter it made me have flashbacks to when I used to go to a shooting range years ago and holding my breath while I aim and shoot. Only a good writer can make the reader have flashback and somehow relate to the story. The ending was terrifying I can't wait to read chapter 2 in order to find out what happened. Amazing job!

great introduction not only to the character, but the world as well. Focusing on Mother's Denial allowed you to say alot about the people and culture without lengthy, dry exposition. Tying in "everybody knows about Mother's Denial" from the beginning to the end was artful. Tyrkala hunting the deer, and then recalling how a deer was "pulled" into the river gives a kind of personification to the river, as if it hunts. First deer, but now humans.

All I can suggest for improvement is that you "tell" us that Trykala is a bit cocky. Which is concise, and keeps your word count for your chapter down. But maybe you can experiment with giving us a few of her thoughts to show us; maybe she thinks that the is the only one who could take down a buck this big with only a dagger, or something like that. Her boasting about her fire illusion worked ok, but I didn't get the sense that she was especially arrogant. Not sure at how heavy you want to lay that trait, but there you go.

Wow! I really like your writing style. It reminds me of Orson Scott Card. I cannot wait to read more. There is a very good rhythmic flow to your words (being that I am a musician, I sense it!) and your character development is superb! I can definitely learn from you! Please get more done!

This all created a vivid movie within my mind, making me forget I was reading. Honestly, such vivid reading is something I don't often stumble upon. This wasn't a text, but an experience

The scenes flowed seamlessly from each other with no sharp edges. I like it

I absolutely dig that you established the religion, based on some strange natural phenomena, in such a natural and unintrusive way. Everything was like "of cource". In a way I was her.

There is one small complaint. And this is really small, but I felt I had to come up with something. I think you used a little bit too much time on her clothing. And the word frivolity had a higher complexity, making it somehow stick out

I'm really curious as to how this has the tag "sci-fi". Maybe this is a prologue from the distant past? Or maybe we'll all go back to being hunter-gatherers in the far future?

I'm hyped to read on