Once upon a time in Venice
Reads: 336 | Likes: 22 | Shelves: 8 | Comments: 16
Poem by: jaylisbeth
I traveled the seas and I traveled the skies,
Embracing the wonder inside my eyes.
I couldn’t believe that I was in Rome!
In a beautiful city away from my home.
Meeting the people; warming and free,
Traveling might be happiness’ key.
I was running, I know, I was aware,
Someday I’ll come home to the mess I left there.
But I needed to run; I had to escape,
My heart was about to take a new shape.
I traveled to Venice and through its streams,
This city’s beauty resembled my dreams!
I was alone; but not lonely, you see,
For the first time I was selfish and very care-free.
Venice was love, freedom and hope,
The comfort, the food did help me cope.
Learning the culture; learning to dance,
Learning to smile and taking a chance.
It helped me heal and to forgive,
It gave me peace and my will to live.
I savored the moments; I savored the day,
I contemplated if I should stay.
But after some days or maybe some weeks,
Tears again ran down my cheeks.
I looked around; I’m on my own,
And I finally felt like I was alone.
Escaping is temporary; I see that now,
But to feel sorry; I won’t allow.
I started to miss you; I started to cave,
Should I just call you? But I wasn’t that brave.
I left you behind because I was afraid,
I hope you’re not hurting was what I prayed.
In a mardi gras dance in Venice that night,
I danced with a man dressed all in white.
He noticed my tears under my mask,
“What is the matter?” He proceeded to ask.
I told him my story only to vent,
To be crying in Venice is not what I meant.
He took off his mask and I sighed at the sight,
To ask for forgiveness was my only plight.
We danced through the night in Venice, you see,
Enjoying our time and our fantasy.
© Copyright 2019 jaylisbeth. All rights reserved.
Comments
How beautiful Lis. Magical and endearing, this is one of my favorite works of yours.
A wonderful tale, my friend. Venice is one of those magical places - Italy itself is one of those magical places - where a new life begins if only for those few days or weeks you're there. This certainly sounds like a fairy tale, the ending most especially, but a fairy tale worth living. Beautiful. A real romance - its bitter parts mixed with the sweeter moments of life. Marvelous writing!
This is enchanting, Lis. I love the emotional journey, from joyful escapism to loneliness and yearning. You have captured the magic of Venice, the atmosphere and the imagery, and that ending! First class, my friend.
Perfect poetic story-telling, jaylisbeth.
Almost felt like I was there, J. B. Excellent!
Love is lovelorn for a moment. Runaway or do you stay? The heart is always a compass. The setting of Italy is perfect, because it is a country where you can lose your heart, but also find it. Maybe the only country in the world to do that. You really told a story here through poetry, expressing the lovelorn and the love. A fantasy that became a fairytale. You are on magical form with this Lisbeth, because this is life, and this is love. Beautiful wording to show imagery of despair and longing, to the fairytale ending with love. Excellent and tender. Ps I'm still not a romance fan :)
Absolutely wonderful! I love this so very much!
I seriously love this! I'm probably going to comment th whole day! It's just superb!
This really IS different than anything I’ve seen you write. You seem proud of it, as you SHOULD BE. This is a unique, and beautiful piece of poetry from you. Whatever inspired you to write it was good inspiration and far more! I’m proud of this piece for you! It’s fluent and effortless. Almost like you simply poured it out. I love it!!!! Definitely one of your best.
I really really like this, the imagery was beautiful and I loved the rhyming. Definitely choosing Venice as the setting was a great choice, the emotions that hit me from this piece are the ones you feel when you start to fall in love. Fantastic job love, you keep getting better with each new poem. I'd love to see more like this!
At the beginning of this well-arranged, beautifully rhymed romantic poem, I was saying, ''Lucky you.'' Venus is a very romantic place, and I thought you were actually there. You are heading for the number one spot.
I liked the story in this poem. I enjoyed that, but in a poem of this length, the rhyming pairs start to get a life of their own and hinder a smooth reading of it. It may be that I am the only one that suffers from this, but somehow I don't think so. By having another rhyme scheme reading the poem becomes more accessible. This usually happens to me after approximately 8 pairs of lines. I had to read it several times over before I could reach the end, trying to keep this problem from kicking in. I enjoyed the poem, but other readers who may experience the same effect, might easily give up reading, or they may miss part of your message. I thought I had to point that out to you. I hope my observation is going to be helpful. Don't get me wrong, I did like the story you had to tell in this poem.
The rhyming throughout this piece is fantastic. I really enjoyed the story behind this as well. Was there someone waiting back home? This evoked home-sickness just reading it.
What a beautiful poem. So enchanting it felt like a dream. I would love to go to Venice one day.
Beautifully written!
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