Bloodless Episode 3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Roy grows tired of Oliver's sulking and self-hatred, so he brings her to a party. Roy's crush invited him to a house party, where Roy hoped to make a move on her. Kelly was invited to the same house party by her roommate, and it's here where she tries to make a move on Oliver, who has a hard time getting drunk due to his vampire tolerance, but nonetheless enjoys himself, perhaps too much.

Submitted: February 06, 2019

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Submitted: February 06, 2019

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BLOODLESS

 

“REVULSION”

 

TV-MA DL

 

“All day long, I felt like smashing my face in a clear glass window. But instead, I went out and smashed up a phone box 'round the corner”

  • Yoko Ono

 

(We open on a shot of Roy tapping his pen against his desk in a large lecture hall, while listening to beats on headphones)

 

ROY: (Whispering) Yeah, yeah, whippin the crack in the ‘llac, yeah, comin’ right for your back, yeah, gonna tell Andy Lack, yeah, gonna get this song back on track, yeah-

 

(Cut to the professor, a white, middle-aged woman, staring at Roy, along with the rest of the students. She clears her throat)

 

PROFESSOR: Mr. Handler?

 

(Roy doesn’t hear this. The students chuckle)

 

ROY: (Whispering) Yeah, I’m a young king, yeah, dick tall like Yao Ming- (A Latina girl next to him taps him on the shoulder, and Roy takes off his headphones) What’s up?

 

(The class laughs, as Roy turns and notices them)

 

LATINA GIRL: Class started.

 

ROY: Oh, shit, my bad.

 

PROFESSOR: Class started ten minutes ago.

 

ROY: Sorry, I got lost in the beats, I guess. Sorry, Professor Kinnock.

 

(Professor Kinnock nods and writes “Pre-Law” on the board)

 

PROFESSOR KINNOCK: Now, what is “Pre-Law”? The roman root term can literally be translated into; “before law”. Anarchy.

 

(Roy turns to the Latina girl)

 

ROY: Thanks for saving my ass back there, Melissa.

 

MELISSA: No worries. I liked your freestyle, by the way.

 

ROY: You don’t gotta lie.

 

(Melissa chuckles)

 

MELISSA: You watching the Super Bowl this weekend?

 

ROY: Yeah, for sure. Going for the Rams.

 

MELISSA: Same.

 

ROY: Do you have like, a Super Bowl party planned?

 

MELISSA: No. But there’s a house party next week I was invited to. I can probably get you an invite.

 

ROY: Oh, chill, yeah, sounds fun.

 

MELISSA: I’ll text you the info.

 

ROY: Tight.

 

PROFESSOR KINNOCK: (OS) Excuse me? (Cut to Professor Kinnock standing next to a box full of caveman clubs. The phrase “pre-law = anarchy” is written on the board) Can we focus on class instead of on the development of a love interest?

 

ROY: What?

 

PROFESSOR KINNOCK: Great, so, let’s focus on class, huh? Everyone grab a club so we can simulate anarchy. Don’t be afraid to leave real bruises.

 

(Cut to Oliver on the couch, dressed in pajamas, sipping blood from a straw while scrolling through his phone. Roy walks in from his bedroom, dressed in jeans and a Northwestern T-shirt)

 

ROY: Holy shit, get yo’ lazy ass UP!

 

OLIVER: Why? It’s still too bright to go outside. Plus, the Super Bowl is about too come on.

 

ROY: Yeah, but you can shower, right? Get dressed?

 

OLIVER: I’m always gonna smell like Axe, according to Charlie.

 

ROY: Oh, so that’s why, huh?

 

(Roy goes in the kitchen and grabs Corn Flakes)

 

OLIVER: Yeah, it fuckin’ sucks.

 

(Roy comes in, grabbing a fistful of corn flakes and shoving it in his mouth)

 

ROY: You know what- (He takes a few seconds to chew and swallow) I’m tired of your moping. You haven’t left the apartment all week, not even to go to class.

 

OLIVER: If the President can spend 60% of his work hours watching TV, I can watch Twin Peaks: The Return a third time.

 

ROY: Just looking at you, dude, makes me depressed.

 

(Roy shovels another fistful of Corn Flakes into his face)

 

OLIVER: Yeah, meanwhile, this is a very encouraging sight to behold, for your life.

 

ROY: At least get dressed, some of my homies are coming over to watch The Big Game.

 

(Oliver sighs and gets up)

 

OLIVER: Fine.

 

ROY: By the way, you want to come to a party Tuesday night?

 

OLIVER: No, not really. I don’t know if you remember, but the last time I went to a party, I became a blood-sucking monster.

 

ROY: Dude, just because you’re a vampire doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Isn’t that what demonic creatures of the night are supposed to do, enjoy the carnal pleasures of life?

 

(Oliver shrugs)

 

OLIVER: I guess.

 

ROY: I ran into your friend Sheffield the other day. He wants to know where the hell you’ve been.

 

OLIVER: …I don’t know, I guess I could use some distraction from the existential dread.

 

ROY: You’re immortal, do you really still have that?

 

OLIVER: Oddly, yes.

 

(Cut to Oliver, Roy, a Thai man with curly hair and a Pakistani dude with a beard and hoodie, watching the Super Bowl. They all look insanely bored)

 

OLIVER: …What quarter is it?

 

(Roy checks his watch)

 

ROY: Third.

 

PAKISTANI DUDE: That’s on the screen.

 

OLIVER: No touchdowns yet?

 

ROY: …Nope. (Oliver sighs and pulls a Coors out of a cooler and opens it) Bro, chill, there’s corn syrup in that!

(Cut to Roy driving Oliver in his car at night, a few days later. Hip hop beats play over Roy’s stereo as Oliver takes deep breaths)

 

ROY: Yeah, yeah, I sleep with a tech, yeah, yeah, coming for your neck, yeah, yeah- (Roy looks over at Oliver) Bro, chiiiill, it’s gonna be fun. Not like you can be turned into a vampire twice.

 

OLIVER: I know, it’s just, it brings back old memories. You know. Of dying.

 

(Roy pulls up to the house party. Oliver and Roy get out and approach the house, which is jumping, as partygoers funnel in and out)

 

ROY: I still can’t believe that the fucking Patriots won.

 

OLIVER: They will be in every future Super Bowl until the sport is banned under international law for all the brain damage stuff.

 

(Roy and Oliver walk into the busy, jumping party. There’s someone doing a keg stand as people chant “CHUG! CHUG!” and there’s a dance party going on in the living room. Oliver and Roy walk into the kitchen to find people casually talking. Melissa sees Roy)

 

MELISSA: Heeeeey! You made it!

 

ROY: Yeah!
 

(Melissa and Roy hug. They then relinquish their embrace)

 

MELISSA: And who’s this?

 

OLIVER: Hi. I’m Oliver.

 

MELISSA: Nice to meet you.

 

(Oliver shakes her hand)

 

OLIVER: You too. Where’s the vodka?

 

MELISSA: On the counter.

 

(Oliver walks over to the counter and fixes himself a shot)

 

ROY: He’s going through a hard time.

 

MELISSA: I gotcha.

 

ROY: Who’s house is this?

 

MELISSA: A friend of a friend’s.

 

ROY: What’s the party for? For shits & giggles?

 

MELISSA: Honestly, I think it’s for people trying to find someone before Valentine’s.

 

(Melissa chuckles and Roy smiles)

 

ROY: Cool, cool.

 

(Oliver walks over with three shots of vodka)

 

OLIVER: Guess who’s back? Back again?

 

ROY: Thanks, give ‘em here.

 

(Roy and Melissa hold out their hands)

 

OLIVER: Oh. Sorry, no, these are all for me.

 

MELISSA: What? Really?

 

OLIVER: Yes. I have to drink a lot to get drunk because I’m a v- (Roy gives him a look) I’m, I’m v-very Irish. Very Irish, is what I was gonna say.

 

MELISSA: Oh. Okay.

 

(Oliver takes one shot, then another, then another)

 

OLIVER: Smooth.

 

ROY: Holy shit.

 

OLIVER: Do you guys want some?

 

ROY: Yeah.

 

OLIVER: Okay. Three each, or-?

 

MELISSA: One each is fine. Thanks. (Oliver nods and goes back to the kitchen counter to make two shots) That was super impressive!
 

ROY: Yeah, that’s one way to look at it.

 

MELISSA: How long have you know him?

 

ROY: A couple weeks. I mean, three years.

 

MELISSA: Why’d you say a couple weeks?

 

ROY: He’s, changed, recently. Went through a break-up.

 

MELISSA: Oh, so he’s single?

 

(Roy nods)

 

ROY: Yeah.

 

(Oliver returns with three shots and hands two of them to Roy and Melissa)

 

OLIVER: There you go. What shall we toast to?

 

ROY: 21 Savage?

 

OLIVER: (Cockney accent) He’s a good bloke, he is!

 

(Roy, Oliver and Melissa cheer, touch their glasses to the counter and take their shots. Cut to Roy and Melissa sitting on the couch in the living room, drinks in hands, talking)

 

MELISSA: I know Northwestern isn’t known for its poli-sci program, but I’m from Chicago and I wanted to stay close to home.

 

ROY: Yeah, I feel the same way. I’m from Chicago too.

 

MELISSA: What part?

 

ROY: South Side.

 

MELISSA: Oh, cool, I’m from Forest Glen.

 

(Roy nods awkwardly and Melissa looks down)

 

ROY: Lotta crackheads in Forest Glen, right?

 

(Melissa laughs)

 

MELISSA: No, just cokeheads. Cokeheads with 401 (K)s.

 

ROY: I got you. Just know that you wouldn’t survive a day on the South Side.

 

MELISAA: I have no doubt you’re right.

 

(Cut to Kelly walking into the party, looking nervous. She walks into the kitchen and B-lines to a case of beers and grabs one. She cracks it open and leans against the counter, looking around for anyone she knows. Quentin walks over, holding a beer)

 

QUENTIN: Hey, Kelly, thanks for coming!
 

KELLY: Yeah, thanks for inviting me. Where’s Rachel?

 

QUENTIN: She’s drunk driving here as we speak.

 

KELLY: Oh my God, why would you tell me that-

 

QUENTIN: Don’t be a narc, okay? Listen, I gotta go catch up with my friends, I’ll see ya.

 

(Quentin walks away. Kelly sighs. Melissa and Roy come in)

 

ROY: Oh, hey, Kelly.

 

KELLY: Hi, Roy, right?

 

ROY: Yeah.

 

MELISSA: I’m Melissa.

 

KELLY: Nice to meet you.

 

ROY: Looking for Oliver? He was here a few minutes ago.

 

KELLY: Oh, he’s here? I was- (Clears throat) unaware of that. Oliver Shine, right?

 

ROY: …Yeah.

 

KELLY: Hmm. Interesting.

 

MELISSA: I’m gonna hit the bathroom, I’ll be back.

 

(Roy smiles and Melissa walks toward the restroom)

 

ROY: He should make the rounds pretty soon. He’s probably-

 

(Melissa walks past)

 

MELISSA: That bathroom’s full of passed out people, gonna hit the one upstairs.

 

(Melissa takes the stairs)

 

ROY: Upstairs.

 

KELLY: I’ll let him find me. (Roy nods and the two look around, awkwardly for a few moments) Actually, I think I saw Rachel over there somewhere, I’ll see you around.

 

ROY: Cool.

 

(Kelly walks away. Cut to upstairs, where a beer pong game is going strong, loud music is playing and people are hanging out and talking on the couch. Oliver is on the couch, talking to a random dude, while drinking from a bottle of vodka that is half-gone)

 

RANDOM DUDE: So, yeah, I’m majoring in communications-

 

OLIVER: Wow, that’s REAL interesting.

 

(Oliver takes another swig)

 

RANDOM DUDE: You asked me!

 

OLIVER: Who do you bet on in this game?

 

RANDOM DUDE: I don’t know, the one in the beanie.

 

OLIVER: Wrong again. It’s me.

 

(Oliver gets up)

 

RANDOM DUDE: When was I wrong the first time!?

 

(Oliver walks up and takes the ball from the guy in the beanie, just as Melissa comes out of the bathroom and notices Oliver)

 

OLIVER: I’ll help you out, dude.

 

(Oliver throws it and makes it perfectly in the middle cup. The assembled partygoers cheer, including Melissa. Oliver picks up his bottle of vodka)

 

RANDOM DUDE: Dude, you’ve drank half a bottle of vodka and you seem sober and coordinated! How?!

 

OLIVER: I’m a little buzzed, to be fair. To me.

 

(Melissa walks over)

 

MELISSA: Good job with that throw. And with being so good at drinking.

 

OLIVER: I wish I wasn’t so good, it’d be nice to get buzzed off a few beers, but. What are you gonna do? You’re gonna drink two bottles of vodka, that’s what you’re gonna do.

 

(Oliver takes another swig)

 

MELISSA: I like a man who can handle his liquor.

 

(Oliver smirks. A girl walks by with her friend)

 

GIRL: I’m gonna step outside. (The girl reaches for a lighter on a dresser, but she accidentally pushes it back and it drops between the cabinet and the wall) Shit!

 

OLIVER: Let me get that. (Oliver walks over and lifts the dresser with great ease. Everyone gasps as he retrieves her lighter and sets the dresser down. He hands the lighter to the girl) There you go.

 

GIRL: Oh my God.

 

OLIVER: (Under his breath) Shit. Why did I do that?

 

(Oliver looks over at Melissa. She’s shocked and turned on)

 

MELISSA: Wow. (Cut to Oliver throwing Melissa against the door and making out with her. The nearby cabinet mirror makes it look like Melissa is making out with nothing. Oliver notices this out of the corner of his eye. He panics and breaks the mirror with his fist. Melissa looks at what he’s done) Why’d you do that!?

 

OLIVER: I was- I’m so, I’m so full of passion!
 

(Melissa smiles and keeps making out with Oliver. Cut to Roy in the kitchen, talking to David, the frat bro from BLEP1)

 

DAVID: This is cuffing season, man, and I’m here to cuff.

 

ROY: Aren’t you dating Tonya?

 

DAVID: We have an open relationship.

 

ROY: Does she know that?

 

DAVID: I’m sure she’d understand.

 

ROY: So that’s a “no”.

 

DAVID: Dude, I’m reading this book right now called “Casanova in Your Corner”, and it talks all about how to get chicks.

 

ROY: Please, fill me in.

 

DAVID: You gotta get their attention, and once you have it, you gotta tease them a little bit. He calls it the “Cat Toy” method-

 

(David takes out a Frisky Flyer)

 

ROY: Wow, you actually have a cat toy.

 

DAVID: You dangle something in front of them, and then- (David pulls the cat toy back) take it away! Constantly making them want you more.

 

ROY: That sounds like an effective way to fuck cats, but-

 

DAVID: Yeah, dude, getting pussy!

 

(David laughs and holds up his hand for a high-five. Roy sighs, and then Kelly comes over)

 

KELLY: Can I borrow you for a second?

 

ROY: Yeah, for sure.

 

(Kelly and Roy go away as David is left hanging. Cut to Roy and Kelly sitting on the couch in the game room)

 

KELLY: I felt you needed to be rescued.

 

ROY: Thank you so much.

 

KELLY: Do you know where Oliver is? I haven’t seen him yet.

 

ROY: No. I haven’t seen Melissa either, she said she went to the bathroom like, half an hour ago.

 

KELLY: She could just be doing a lot of cocaine.

 

ROY: That’s, comforting. Look, I know you like Oliver-

 

KELLY: What? No, that’s, that’s, I like Harry Potter and giving silly names to baristas, but Oliver? I’ve never even thought of whether I like him-

 

ROY: Cool, so, just a heads-up, he just got out of a relationship, and things are still a little bit raw, and itchy-

 

KELLY: Things are “itchy”?

 

ROY: Yeah, like metaphorically.

 

KELLY: No, I get it’s a metaphor, I just don’t understand it-

 

ROY: So, just, don’t be alarmed if doesn’t pursue you at first. Because I think he likes you too, but he just needs time.

 

(Kelly nods)

 

KELLY: Okay. Thanks for telling me. (Kelly shakes her empty beer bottle) I’m gonna get another beer.

 

ROY: Cool.

 

(Kelly gets up and leaves the room. Oliver comes in soon after)

 

OLIVER: Hey.

 

(Kelly comes back in)

 

KELLY: Hey, Oliver, I didn’t know you were here!

 

OLIVER: Oh, hey Kelly, I didn’t know you were here!

 

KELLY: Yeah, this is my roommate’s boyfriend’s house. They’re the kind of couple who wants everyone else to be a couple. It’s obnoxious.

 

OLIVER: Cool.

 

KELLY: Do you want a beer?

 

OLIVER: Uh, sure, I could use a chaser, but I need a minute with Roy, do you mind?

 

KELLY: Oh. Uh, no, of course not.

 

OLIVER: Good to see you.

 

KELLY: Uh-huh.

 

(Kelly sheepishly walks away as Oliver sits down, across from Roy)

 

ROY: That was subtle.

 

OLIVER: Bro, I think I’m the last thing she needs in her life. I was just making out with this girl in the bathroom, and I had to smash the mirror so she wouldn’t find me out.

 

ROY: Dude, you just broke someone’s mirror!?

 

OLIVER: I’ll leave some money on the counter for them.

 

ROY: Dude, no you won’t.

 

OLIVER: You’re right, I won’t.

 

ROY: Which girl was it?

 

OLIVER: Just, some rando, I don’t know.

 

ROY: Have you seen Melissa?

 

OLIVER: No, I haven’t. Maybe she went upstairs to watch the State of the Union?

 

ROY: Yeah, nothing livens up a party like Trump’s sweaty orange face and giant gaping mouth.

 

(Cut to Kelly grabbing a beer and cracking it open. David walks over to her, clearly intoxicated)

 

DAVID: What’s uuuup?

 

KELLY: …Hi.

 

DAVID: You’re one of those mousy chicks, right? That’s kind of hot honestly, I bet you like nerdy shit, like chess.

 

KELLY: …I do like chess, but I’m not “mousy”-

 

DAVID: You’re right, you’re not mousy, you’re a cat! (David holds up the frisky flyer and dangles it near her) Here? You see this here? You want it? This represents my raw sex appeal, by the way.

 

(Kelly appears disgusted)

 

KELLY: Jesus Christ, I’m gonna step out.

 

(Kelly fast-walks away and David turns around)

 

DAVID: Oh, playing “hard-to-get” I see! WELL, I’VE CAUGHT AND SKINNED MORE CATS THAN YOU CAN COUNT!

 

(Cut to Kelly stepping into the backyard and lighting up a cigarette. She exhales smoke and stares at the moon. Cut to Oliver and Roy in the game room. Oliver is balancing an empty beer bottle on his head as Roy stares at his watch)

 

ROY: Does vampirism give you really good balancing skills?

 

OLIVER: No, dude, I just rule, alive or dead.

 

ROY: Isn’t it “alive AND dead”?

 

OLIVER: You’re thinking of zombies.

 

ROY: So, just to be clear, you’re NOT a zombie?

 

OLIVER: Yeah.

 

ROY: I don’t have to kill you while crying and apologizing?

 

OLIVER: Not unless you want to become a zombie-shit, now you got me saying it!
 

(Roy laughs as the girl with the lighter from earlier comes in)

 

GIRL: You’re that guy who lifted the dresser, right!? How did you do that!?

 

(Roy gives Oliver a glare)

 

OLIVER: I, uh…I was on PCP. See you guys later.

 

(Oliver rushes out of the room)

 

GIRL: CAN I GET SOME FOR ME AND MY GIRLS!?

 

(Cut to Oliver stopping by the liquor bottles on the counter. He takes a whiskey bottle and chugs a third of it. Then he steps outside and finds Kelly smoking a cigarette)

 

OLIVER: Oh. Hey.

 

KELLY: Hi. (Kelly takes out her American Spirits) Do you want one?

 

OLIVER: No, I don’t smoke.

 

KELLY: Oh. (Kelly puts them away) I thought you told me at one point that you dropped a lit cigarette on your blanket and that’s why it had burn marks.

 

OLIVER: Right, no that was, it was actually a lit match. I just like to, play with fire.

 

(Kelly smirks)

 

KELLY: Are you like, twelve?

 

(Oliver chuckles and looks at the moon, which is a mere sliver in the sky)

 

OLIVER: I wish we could see the moon.

 

KELLY: Me too.

 

OLIVER: I can almost see my dog Rufus running around up there.

 

KELLY: …What do you mean?

 

OLIVER: My parents sent my dog Rufus to the moon when I was seven- oh, shit, I just realized what actually happened.

 

(Kelly smirks)

 

KELLY: Sorry about that.

 

OLIVER: I hadn’t thought about it since I was nine.

 

KELLY: Have you ever painted the moon?

 

(Oliver shakes his head)

 

OLIVER: I usually paint people. People like me, but also other people. (Beat) Have you?

 

KELLY: Yeah.

 

(Kelly takes out her phone and pulls up a photo of a painting, showing a full moon in front of a vast forest. In the forest, there’s a tree house in the distance with a light shining out. Kelly shows it to Oliver)

 

OLIVER: Wow. That’s really well-done.

 

KELLY: Thanks. (Kelly puts the phone away) I wish I could just be an art major, like you.

 

OLIVER: Why aren’t you?

 

KELLY: My parents, you know that. It’s not “practical”.

 

(Oliver shrugs)

 

OLIVER: Well. Just know that you should be glad you’re not more like me.

 

(Kelly puts her cigarette out on the ground)

 

KELLY: Maybe not, but. I’d like to get to know you more anyway.

 

(Oliver puts his hands in his pockets)

 

OLIVER: I mean, I don’t know, I’ve been going through a lot-

 

(Melissa comes outside, drunk as a skunk)

 

MELISSA: There you are, Olly! (Melissa hugs Oliver from behind) You scared me! Don’t leave me like that again, okay? I’m SCARY clingy!

 

OLIVER: Hey, Melissa, okay, will always be by your side, etcetera!

 

MELISSA: Come on, let’s go inside- oh my gooood, you’re so cold!

 

(Oliver gets nervous)

 

OLIVER: Yeah, it’s, it’s cold out here!

 

(Oliver nervously chuckles and walks inside with Melissa as Kelly looks down, embarrassed. Oliver mouths “sorry” to Kelly as he’s pulled inside. Kelly sighs and takes out another cigarette and puts it in her mouth. Cut to David, Rachel, Quentin and the other partygoers upstairs, watching President Trump’s State of the Union address on TV, all while holding drinks)

 

PRESIDENT TRUMP: An economic miracle is taking place in the United States, and the only thing that can stop it, are foolish wars, politics, or, ridiculous, partisan investigations.

 

QUENTIN: DRINK!

 

(Everybody in the room drinks as Roy enters)

 

ROY: You guys are watching this shit, for real?

 

QUENTIN: Just as an excuse to get drunker.

 

PRESIDENT TRUMP: If there is going to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation! It just doesn’t work that way!
 

RACHEL: Drink?

 

QUENTIN: I don’t know what that was, so I don’t know if we should drink to it.

 

RACHEL: Didn’t we include “Trump says something that doesn’t make any sense” on the list?

 

QUENTIN: Oh, that’s true! DRINK!

 

(They all drink)

 

RACHEL: I wonder if he’s gonna mention Northam tonight.

 

DAVID: Before you go further, let me just say that I’ve NEVER worn black-face in my life!

 

RACHEL: Nobody said you did-

 

DAVID: Yeah, but I know how you look at me! “Oh, the dumb fratboy probably jumped out of a cake on his bro’s 21st birthday, painted up like Aunt Jemima, holding a machine gun and kneeling like Colin Kaepernick” you bigots!

 

ROY: Okay, now I think you definitely did wear blackface.

 

DAVID: Fuck you!

ROY: Have you guys seen Melissa? She went to the bathroom like an hour ago.

 

DAVID: Then she’s probably still in there, GENIUS!

 

QUENTIN: David, that’s not smart.

 

ROY: I’m gonna check outside. (Roy walks downstairs. Cut to Roy walking into the side-yard to see Kelly smoking another cigarette) Oh. Hey.

 

KELLY: Hi.

 

ROY: Have you seen Melissa?

 

KELLY: Uhhhhh, no…

 

ROY: Sounds like you’ve seen her.

 

KELLY: I saw her like, five minutes ago.

 

ROY: Where’d she go?

 

KELLY: Back inside.

 

ROY: You’re lying.

 

KELLY: I’m not lying, I’m just omitting information.

 

ROY: Kelly.

 

KELLY: She went inside with Oliver. She was real, intimate with him. Do not tell him that I told you!
 

(Roy angrily grinds his teeth together)

 

ROY: …That motherfucker.

 

KELLY: Please don’t tell him I told you!

 

ROY: You still dig on him after this?

 

KELLY: My brain doesn’t.

 

ROY: Right, gotcha.

 

KELLY: I’m sorry.

 

ROY: About what?

 

KELLY: That this happened.

 

ROY: I’m gonna go find him-

 

(Roy reaches for the door handle, but Kelly grabs his shoulder)

 

KELLY: Don’t! (Roy turns to her) It’s gonna be a shitshow if you catch them together.

 

ROY: Hopefully, yeah.

 

KELLY: No, like, “farmer dad dragging a naked hick out of his daughter’s bed” kind of bad. “Throwin’ him in a cornfield and chasing him with a tractor while his dick wags in the wind” kind of bad.

 

(Roy sighs)

 

ROY: Yeah. You might be right. Though I don’t like that Melissa’s my daughter in your metaphor.

 

KELLY: Just. Wait until you see him next to lay into him. Don’t embarrass her, too, while she’s, you know, laying into him.

 

ROY: You really know how to make a guy feel better.

 

KELLY: I’m sorry. (Kelly pulls out her American Spirits) Cigarette?

 

ROY: Nah, I’m good.

 

KELLY: Shit, does anyone smoke anymore?

 

ROY: No, not really!

 

(Kelly nods and puts away her pack)

 

KELLY: I have terrible luck with men.

 

ROY: Me too, yeah. But with women.

 

KELLY: Nice catch. I just- I always expect them to come to me, and I’ve been trying to change that, and so far, nothing.

 

ROY: Who’s the last boyfriend you had?

 

KELLY: High School. We were in D&D club together. Go ahead, make fun of us, but I swear, D&D after-parties would make Caligula blush.

 

ROY: I didn’t even say anything, but thanks for the detail.

 

(Kelly smirks)

 

KELLY: We broke up once he went to Florida State.

 

ROY: Because of the distance?

 

KELLY: No, because he wants to live in Florida. Gross.

 

(Roy smiles)

 

ROY: My last girlfriend was in High School, too. Her name was Diana.

 

KELLY: Where’d you meet?

 

ROY: Just sat with her at lunch. She was with her friends, too, it was super awkward. Especially since she was at the white table.

 

KELLY: The “white table”?

 

ROY: My school just had two table for lunch, the white table and the black table. Every single lunch was the Last Supper, except the black table was more accurate.

 

KELLY: Why was that?

 

ROY: It was a violent school. Lot of racial tension.

 

KELLY: Wow. Why’d you break up?

 

(Roy sighs)

 

ROY: Her dad found out.

 

(Kelly puts out her cigarette and pats Roy on the shoulder)

 

KELLY: I honestly don’t mean for this to sound flirty, do you like only white girls?

 

ROY: Nah. Latina girls too. I can fuck with light-skinned black girls as well.

 

(Kelly removes her hand from Roy’s shoulder)

 

KELLY: But no dark girls?

 

ROY: I don’t rule it out! That’s colorism and that’s fucked up! But, yeah. (Awkward beat) Do you like, white…guys?

 

KELLY: I do. (Beat) I get that Oliver’s going through stuff, but he feels like the kind of guy who rebounds pretty quickly. So, maybe he’s just not into me.

 

ROY: Kelly. Oliver does rebound quickly. But his rebounds are less like you, and more like, Melissa. So, be patient. Don’t pursue him! But if you must, be patient.

 

(Kelly nods)

 

KELLY: You’re right.

 

ROY: Now. I need to go to my car and scream for an hour.

 

KELLY: Understood.

 

(Roy walks away. Kelly walks back inside and finds partygoers drinking and making merry. Kelly makes herself a Whiskey & Coke. Oliver walks out of a bathroom with a laughing Melissa. Oliver’s collar is disheveled and has hickeys)

 

OLIVER: My God, you’re a vampire.

 

(Melissa giggles)

 

MELISSA: Sorry, they’ll be gone by morning, Olly.

 

(Melissa and Oliver walk past Kelly and into the living room. Kelly angrily puts her drink down, takes out her iPhone and orders an Uber. She jumps on a stool and waits. Cut to Oliver and Melissa sitting on the couch in the living room, as partygoers dance to “Red Bone” by Childish Gambino in the middle of the room. David comes by and sits next to Oliver and Melissa)

 

DAVID: Holy shit! Oliver Shine!? Bro! You want to hear what this badass did a few weeks ago?

 

OLIVER: Oh, I don’t think she needs to-

 

DAVID: He legit broke into and stole my neighbor’s car! Right in front of my eyes!
 

MELISSA: Really?!

 

OLIVER: As a joke, I returned it the next day-

 

DAVID: No, man, he asked me if I saw anyone steal it. It’s still gone. I didn’t snitch, of course!
 

MELISSA: Why’d you do that?

 

OLIVER: I was drunk, you know-

 

MELISSA: So, you drove drunk?

 

OLIVER: Don’t- I thought you liked me because I drink a lot!

 

MELISSA: That doesn’t mean that I condone stealing old ladies’ cars and drinking and driving!
 

OLIVER: Old ladies?! Who said she was an old lady?!

 

DAVID: She was an old lady, dude, one of the nicest bitches I know.

 

OLIVER: Okay! But how did SHE know that?!

 

MELISSA: I think I’m gonna go.

 

(Melissa grabs her purse and keys and heads toward the door)

 

OLIVER: What are you-?! (Melissa closes the door behind her) She’s drunk as fuck right now! She was just giving me shit for driving and she’s about to get behind the wheel!

 

DAVID: Dude, I think what you did is badass, but bitches be sensitive.

 

OLIVER: Stop being on my side, I don’t want you in my corner.

 

DAVID: You’ll come around, bro. You want to do a keg stand? I’ll hold your legs.

 

OLIVER: Yeah, I’m gonna go. (Oliver gets up and heads for the front door. He opens the front door and walks into the front yard. He sees Kelly getting into an Uber. She looks back at him. Oliver awkwardly smirks. She ducks into the car and the Uber drives away. Oliver looks down at his feet. But soon, Roy comes over holding his cross necklace) Hey, Roy, what are you-? (Roy presses the cross into Oliver’s flesh, and it begins burning) AAAAAGHHH!!

 

(Oliver falls on the ground as Roy continually presses the cross to his skin)

 

ROY: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A VAMPIRE, DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!
 

OLIVER: I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY, OKAY!?

 

(Roy removes the cross from his skin and sees that Oliver is crying)

 

OLIVER: I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Roy, I just- I just, there’s constant temptation to do wrong! I’m so sorry I betrayed your trust…

 

ROY: You might want to think about how much of your shitty actions are the demon and which are just YOU, Oliver.  (Roy stands up) Get in the fucking car.

 

(Oliver stands up and follows Roy to his car. He gets in the passenger’s seat and Roy gets in the driver’s seat. Roy starts up the car and drives off. Cut to Roy and Oliver in the car)

 

ROY: …Did Melissa get home alright?

 

OLIVER: God, I hope so.

 

(“I Felt Like Smashing My Face in a Clear Glass Window” by Yoko Ono begins playing as we cut to Kelly getting dropped off at her dorm. She walks up to the entrance of the dorm and reaches for her wallet, to find nothing there. She pats her way around all her clothes, discovering nothing. She sinks to the floor and covers her face. Cut to Roy and Oliver walking into the apartment. Roy walks into his room and slams the door in Oliver’s face. Oliver takes out his phone and brings up the camera app. He walks into his room and sits on his bed. He turns the camera into mirror mode. He changes his face to vampire mode and observes it. He touches his face to feel its vampiric qualities. Then, he lies down and covers himself with the sheet, keeping his face in vamp mode as he tries to fall asleep. Cut to the following day, when Roy and Melissa walk into their pre-law class. They see each other and see that the rest of the seats are taken, except for their usual seats. Roy and Melissa approach their seats, awkwardly nod and sit down. They stare ahead, trying not to make eye contact. Cut to credits as the song continues)

 

THE END


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