Life is Great

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Commercial Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 22 (v.1) - Chapter 22

Submitted: July 11, 2019

Reads: 9

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Submitted: July 11, 2019



Rob pulls up to a parking meter.  He pulls up his debt token app and lets the meter scan the QR2 code.  He can only select the maximum of 3 hours.  With collar in hand, he heads into Jerry's Splice-N-Nice.

The 2060s are a strange time to be living in, morally speaking.  With the advent of human cloning ever more closer to becoming decriminalized, scientists are expressing their grand designs in less objectionable ways.  This is usually accomplished with cloning less intellectually developed animals.

The 2050s came and went without the predicted food shortages certain political blowhards had passionately claimed.  Although leading up to it there were massive population increases in both Africa & Asia, those continents sought to slow down the population growth in innovative (read: warring over resources) ways.  Arising from the ashes of the war, which historians refuse to call World War III due to the stigma, many formerly destitute African and Asian nations rose to developing status with investors betting on growth opportunities.  Numerous stock firms in the West primarly deal with African investments such as with South Sudan's telecommunications juggernaut Rah 1 Dah and the United Congolese Citizens' burgeoning ethanol corporations. [more on that later]

To stem off the rising tsunami of world population figures, one simple man in a simple little town asked a question no one above 100 IQ would think to ask:  'Why not just clone burgers?'  From the utterance of an ignorant Australian man, likely taking the piss out of his fellow nameless friends on his favorite board, came a wealth of ideas to plan out a solution to the population problem.  The goal was to find a way to feed a world population nearly twice the current number.  How would one do it? Well, what was already underway had to do with future rationing of bug meals to ensure every child in, say, Sri Lanka could get 2 helpings of grasshopper stew per day for a year, and hopes of replicating this strategy in other IMF-governed nations.

The problems started almost immediately when nearly every specie of bee had been placed on prohibited lists worldwide.  Fines couldn't stop certain individuals from running their own 'bee farms'.  People were developing an insatiable taste for bees and other specific insects over others.  The people responsible for pushing the bug solution were taken aback by how fast the practice became accepted and how quickly food was running out.  Not to mention the domino effect of animals on the food chain having their primary source of food taken away by hungry humans.

So scientists that felt 'starved' creatively decided to finally use a workaround in the field of cloning.  First came the chickens, who were leaner than the naturally born kind as per trends for leaner meat.  Extra bouts of trials & errors, as well as flush cash reserves coming in from M*nsanto, eventually gave rise to the Happy Chikidee creature.  The most successful GMO animal ever created, the creature is the size of 1.72 chickens with the perfect blend of fat & muscle.  The M*nsanto scientists in charge of its patent make sure to broadcast public service adverts on how the Chikidee's brain is altered to remain in a constant state of euphoria and are each given a shelf life of 1.5 years, whereafter the animal is on its way to becoming "your families' dinner".

After dealing with food shortages, people in the cloning field continue to look for more things to clone.  The process is becoming more & more simplified, with smaller stores such as Jerry's Splice-N-Nice being able to handle 1 hour orders.  Rob hands the clerk the collar along with a ziplocked bag of DNA.  He returns 2 hours later after watching the latest Spiderwoman™ vs Captain Catwoman™ remake.  He was busy reaffirming his identity for submitting his 1 star review of the film when the order had completed.Rob got a healthy dose of licking from the new Roscoe, brought about to replace the dead one at his wife's house.

Rob got the pupper to the house and scheduled a pet sitter to check on him every day & feed him regularly.  His newly purchased insurance covered the sitter, who rolled her eyes and blew her smoke into the vacuum hole. As he was heading to the door, a card slipped through the mail slot.  Rob flipped it open to reveal a 3 second hologram projecting from it.  The 'gram shows a kneeling Travis with ring in hand and a shocked Jane reacting.  Rob smiles, glad that now he can finally get that divorce.

"You sure you want to, though?"

"Of course, Tosh," replied Rob as he got into the driver seat. "She's happy, I'm happy, frees me up for someone else too."

"Sure, maybe that Nita girl.  The dog thing was sweet, but aren't you spending that money too quickly?"

"Oh I'm pretty sure the Progs will refund me on any expenditures like with these high ethanol prices if I gotta win this thing."

After wasting the Earth's natural resources for years, man had finally dried up oil enough to make its regular car usage economically impossible.  For a few years, gas stations incrementally increased the percentage of ethanol until it was 100% of the stuff.  Now prices are still very high, but at the very least renewable.

"Oh boy," Toshi laughs, "you actually believe that horseshit? They could never make enough ethanol to meet demand. Its secretly gasoline, man."

There is a popular conspiracy theory, however, relating to gasoline.  Some independent researchers have tested the purportedly 100% ethanol but have mysteriously never released their results to the wider public.  The theory is that scientists have discovered a way to take dead corpses & dead clones and rapidly condense their bodies into oil, removing the millions of years in the natural process.  The idea for them doing this is by pretending gasoline no longer exists to hike up the cost of fuel for additional tax revenue & profit margins.

Rob slowly throws his hand back in dismissal of this, aping a younger generation joke.  He quickly grabs the wheel to swerve & brakes at the scene of an accident.

© Copyright 2019 Oldmin. All rights reserved.


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