some things are hard to admit,
and even harder to say.



There’s a secret I’ve been keeping

I haven’t told a soul

I thought it would fade eventually

But it’s starting to tear a hole.

I promised to keep it silent

I thought I would last longer

I swore to myself that it would never come out

I really thought I was stronger.

But before I make these words bare

There’s things I need to say

In order for you to understand

In order for you to stay

At least till the end.


Time is starting to move slower

So slow I can freeze every frame

But in the end all those moments blur together

And every day feels just the same.

Hurt built a home in my body

And sadness never stopped calling

But heartbreak became my only companion

And made sure I was always falling.


Through all the time that has gone by

One thing managed to prevail

this tiny hint of joy inside

and made my heart ship sail.

This happiness and joy inside

accompanied with the slightest smile

came from my mosaic of memories

seeing only you on my fondest tiles.

Each memory coming with the same face

one I believe belongs to you

but that hurt always tends comes my way

knowing I’m not on your tiles too.


I’ve mustered up the courage now

my mind is ready to admit

my heart is still a bit wary

but then again, it always is.

Although I know regret will come

This is something I must do

I am desperately and irretrievably,



Submitted: February 19, 2019

© Copyright 2022 Ellie Carp. All rights reserved.

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