I want to inherit all your problems

and put my tongue inside your wounds

always suffering and sadness we're running after

guess happiness doesn't taste as good

miss you ruining my nights

the hair on your arms and your eyes when we'd fight

that time you called me crying

so I drove to your house

we talked through the window

you didn't wanna come out

said you hated everyone at school

and that your dad made you feel like a failure

sometimes you shrink into your chair and think about giving up

on medicine and especially on us

lifted your chin and kissed your trembling lips

sad to think, we wouldn't be speaking come Christmas

but that's what you wanted

ignored all the messages I sent you from Rome

said, you're tired of my negative attitude

said, you’d rather be alone

blocked and unblocked

posted new pictures of yourself for the world

I sit back and act like I don't care

reeling back my heart, grasping at a ghost

forget about me

and the times I made you laugh so hard you couldn't breathe

when you wanted to drink wine and stare at the stars

1am, late September at Signal Hill park

we were sitting on a bench

it was cold, you put your hands inside my jacket

if you had asked for my existence, you could have had it

my favorite writings are about you

I know you know ...

you call me names, but I only hear your voice

our next conversation might be posted

can't help what I write when I stay up so late

“... you are the land, dig me a grave”

laughing, cause you hate those kinds of words

the kind that make you move my hands from the front of your underwear

and pretend that you don't know me anymore

there's so many things I haven't figured out

still translating thrown bones and shells

I called you up because I wanted to talk

about this mess and the blood in my lungs

you didn't answer, guess you were asleep

called me back but I was at work

texted me that you slept in one of my shirts

typed some words, but thought about keeping them to myself

“through the course of our lives, we'll face mountains and waves

and someday soon, we may forget each other's face

moments when I held you close will be lost to time

but you've meant the world, you gave it life”

you sent me a picture of us together

the conversation grew

between the messages, I could tell you smiled

like a rivalry game, our hearts go wild


Submitted: February 23, 2019

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