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Unfiltered Man...episode two

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Proverbs 1728: Even a fool who is silent is considered wise.

Submitted: March 11, 2019

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Submitted: March 11, 2019

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The Adventures of Unfiltered Man

By

Bill Bungeroth

 

Proverbs 1728: Even a fool who is silent is considered wise.

 

Episode Two…The A320 Altercation

 

 

The flight out of LAX to O’Hare was delayed. The reason, five minutes before takeoff while taxing on the tarmac, a disruptive passenger got into an altercation with a row sharer over a service dog. In a nonsensical exchange of information the man with the assistance dog, sitting in Seat E, tried to explain to the occupant in Seat C that the dog was there to help him deal with his anxiety. Unable to comprehend or unwilling to understand, the Seat C disrupter, argued that he was forced to take these bag full of pharmaceuticals, which he held in the air for all to see, to control his anxiety, temper and mood swings, and now that he thought about it, he should have gotten a dog instead. From there Seat E and Seat C started exchanging unpleasantries while the occupant in Seat D, caught in the midst of the two bellicose travelers, tried to calm both parties down. The vitriol between Seats E and C ended when the drug-laden passenger turned his ire away from Seat E and started squabbling with a stewardess who unintentionally missed his row while walking down the aisle handing out free headphones to the other economy passengers. 

Unable to contain himself, Unfiltered Man debated whether or not he should join the fray as the new verbal encounter intensified between the out of control abusive passenger, whose voice could be heard throughout the plane, and the no nonsense take charge stewardess. Unable to see the voices, he just hoped the lead combatant wasn’t the physical specimen who when putting his knapsack in an overhead bin two rows in front of him, turned around and looked at him with a loopy smile and raised eyebrows before walking past him. Listening intently to the verbal blows that were now flying fast and furious behind him, the unreasonable passenger let loose with another abusive volley aimed at the stewardess for all to hear,

“Look bitch give me the dam headphones. Don’t you fucking get it?”

Punching back in a firm yet forceful voice, the diminutive stewardess answered, “Sir I’m not going to put up with this for the next three hours.”

“What are you going to do, throw me off this plane?” he stated in a defiant tone. Then as the reality of her rejoinder began to resonate with him, he asked no one in particular in a full-mouthed voice the same question. “She’s not gonna fucking throw me off this plane… Is she?”

 He didn’t have long to wait for his answer. Delivering the coup de grace with a smile on her lips, the stewardess reiterated her position. “No need for this being a long flight for the two of us,” as she called the Captain to let him know that she had a disruptive passenger on board.  

“I dare her to toss me off this fucking plane,” stated the six foot three inch disturber, who was built like a heavyweight fighter, He then reinforced his position to those travelers sitting in the seats surrounding him. “Motherfucker, I won’t put up with this shit. No fucking way. I know my fucking rights.” In return the only feedback he heard from those in rows 10 through 20, who had expected an uneventful night flight, was silence, as collectively they assessed the threat amongst them and avoided eye contact with the unhinged former football player.

Sitting eight rows in front of the tussle, attuned to every word being said was Unfiltered Man, who decided that the baritone voice belonged to the loopy smiling traveler. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t say a word. A verbal combatant in his own right, he remained silent for fear that if he entered the fracas and said what he really felt to the delayer of the flight, he would also be exiting the plane with the ‘flight perp.’  

 So there he sat, verbally constrained, as plane, crew and passengers along with the unruly and verbally opprobrious disrupter went back to the PBB (Passenger Boarding Bridge), rebooting the entire gate to take off process one more time.

As the plane reached the jet bridge, Unfiltered Man continued to shift uncomfortably around in his seat, no longer able to contain himself as the all talk no action plane violator, escorted by security personnel, continued to mock his fellow travelers while exiting the cylindrical tube. "You mothefuckers, I hope you have a shitty flight, you know what I mean," as he truculently moved down the aisle while looking from side to side at the stoic passengers.

Waiting until the banished traveler reached his aisle seat, Unfiltered Man finally spoke in a matter of fact voice, so all could hear. “The Hertz counter is still open for another 30 minutes if you hurry. They don’t have free headphones in their cars, but you can make the trip to Chicago in 29 hours as opposed to the three hours by air you just blew, asshole.”

Stopping in his track, the plane delayer turned and looked quizzically at Unfiltered Man, and without saying a word gave him another loopy smile before departing the plane.


© Copyright 2019 Bill Bungeroth. All rights reserved.

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