52 X

"Hi Barbara,
Can you write? That was the question you asked me. The answer is definitely yes. The first paragraph alone pulled me in and there are plenty of other good lines in the first two chapters. You do a great job of describing the torture that the nurse is inflicting upon her victim. It is gory but riveting at the same time. The mark of a talented writer.

Being able to write and then telling a story are two different things. It's hard for me to say if you are telling a story based on these two chapters. I was glued to the first chapter as I wondered about what led to the scene, what was the beef between the two women, what could the inmate have done to bring upon such a methodical and planned event? It's an awesome setup and I was hoping that chapter 2 would begin to tell that story, but it didn't. Instead, it continued the torture scene which I thought a bit repetitive and redundant. I think you need to quickly pivot to the events that led to these scenes or you will lose reader interest. Most people don't want to read chapters and chapters of torture and even one chapter should be set up with some context and backstory.

You have all of the ingredients primed and ready to go and it's possible that this is how the story progresses. If so, get them out there.

But to answer your main question, you can write, now please tell us the story!

Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Best,
- Jake
"