Boring Old Farts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Photo by Analise Benevides on Unsplash
It is Karen’s maternity leave party and Mike has concerns:
‘Now you’re skiving off on maternity leave, Karen, you won’t have to make my coffee anymore.’
the long overdue story from the forthcoming anthology: Anatomy of a Soufflé

Submitted: March 18, 2019

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Submitted: March 18, 2019

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Boring Old Farts

Karen is the audio-typist, receptionist and general office dogsbody. It is Karen’s maternity leave party and Mike has concerns:

‘Now you’re skiving off on maternity leave, you won’t have to make my coffee anymore.’

‘That’s true, but I’ve made sure I sorted out the serious stuff.’

‘Like what, kid, taking out lawsuits for sexual harassment against male chauvinist pigs like me?’

‘Naturally, and re-hutching Fleury my guinea pig.’

‘That figures, big-bulge, you always were rather fond of animals.’

‘I’ve worked for one long enough, boss.’

Mike nods his head sagely in agreement. ‘Too true.’

There is an uneasy impasse as the other all-male guests: sub-contractors, suppliers, preferred suppliers, valued service partners, supervisors, lower or middle management and main board directors are served ‘sex on the beach’ cocktails by young hostesses dressed in low-cut black boob tubes, and bum-hugging mini-skirts. Karen smiles thinly, rakes her fingers through her dyed blonde bob and dusts the mould off her only party frock - the only woman present. The fat cats stuff their faces full of cocktail sausages. Some pat their laps and make rude gestures, beckoning the hostesses to sit on them. Red faces all round. One young girl cries openly, hurt, ashamed to be placed in this appalling predicament by her willing staff agency boss. Another girl walks out. Mike waffles on, ignorant braggard.  

‘Go on, I’m intrigued!’

‘Well Mike, cleaning my teeth regularly will help prevent gum disease, controlling my sexy body’s exposure to UV will mitigate the risk of my milky white skin being invaded by those nasty malignant tumours when I stretch out on the sun lounger…’

Mike rubs a purple boil on his nose. ‘I get that, skin cancer, and?’

The drunken slobs all down their cocktails and turn to face Karen.

Karen takes a deep breath, summons all her woman’s strength, holds up the tape recorder for all to see and introduces Birgitta who’s been posing as a barmaid, while she videos the event.

Mike has concerns.

Karen smiles for the camera and shouts for the tape recorder:

‘Gentleman! Avoiding sexist, misogynist, boring old farts like you lot will help me avoid a miscarriage!’

Well done, Karen! Have a wonderful maternity leave, love and joy and happiness with Baby.


© Copyright 2019 HJFurl. All rights reserved.

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