Featured Review on this writing by Sharief Hendricks

Boring Old Farts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Karen's remarkable one-woman stand for women's equality at work.

Submitted: March 19, 2019

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Submitted: March 19, 2019

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Boring Old Farts

 

Karen is an audio-typist, receptionist and general office dogsbody for a small contract catering firm specializing in bespoke deli bars, corporate hospitality, and event catering. Anyways, it is Karen’s maternity leave party and Michael, her Boss has concerns, such as:

‘Now you’re skiving off on maternity leave, you won’t have to make my coffee anymore.’

‘That’s true, Michael,’ Karen concedes, ‘But I made sure I sorted out the serious stuff.’

‘Like what, taking out lawsuits for sexual harassment against male chauvinist pigs like me?’

Karen keeps calm, refusing to be baited. ‘Naturally, and re-hutching Fleury my guinea pig.’

‘That figures, big-bulge, you always were fond of animals.’

How dare you speak to me like that, she smarts. ‘I’ve worked for one long enough, boss.’

Michael, whose shirt buttons are undone, revealing a gross pair of man boobs and a pot belly, nods his bald head sagely in agreement. ‘Too true.’

There is an uneasy impasse as the other all-male guests: sub-contractors, suppliers, preferred suppliers, valued service partners, supervisors, lower and middle management and main board directors are served ‘Sex on the Beach’ cocktails by young hostesses dressed in low-cut black boob tubes and bum-hugging mini-skirts.

Karen smiles thinly, rakes her slim fingers through her dyed blonde bob and dusts the fluff off her only party frock - the only woman present.

The fat cats stuff their faces full of cocktail sausages dipped in seed mustard and honey. Some pat their thighs with downturned palms and make rude gestures, beckoning the hostesses to sit on their laps.

Red faces all round.

One young girl cries openly, hurt, ashamed to be placed in such an appalling predicament by her willing staff agency boss. A thin woman storms out in disgust.

Michael waffles on, ever the ignorant, pathetic braggard, ‘Go on, I’m intrigued!’

‘Well, Michael,’ Karen scoffs, ‘Cleaning my teeth regularly will help to prevent gum disease. Controlling my sexy body’s exposure to UV will mitigate the risk of my milky white skin being invaded by those nasty malignant tumours when I stretch out on the sun lounger…’

Michael rubs the purple boil on the side of his nose. ‘I get that, skin cancer, and?’

The room falls silent as the drunken slobs down their cocktails and turn to face them.

Karen takes a deep breath, summons all her woman’s strength, holds up the tape recorder for all to see, and introduces Birgitta who has been posing as a barmaid while she videos the event.

Michael now has serious concerns.

Karen smiles for the camera and shouts for the benefit of the tape recorder:

‘Gentleman! Avoiding sexist, misogynist, boring old farts like you will help prevent me from having a miscarriage.’


© Copyright 2020 HJFURL. All rights reserved.

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Is It Today?

Sexy. Candid. Provocative. Disturbing. Is It Today? Fantasies. HJ Furl. isittodayhjfurl.com

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