I'm holding on because I have you

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

A Haiku poem about how my love for someone, and someone's love for me is keeping me fighting.

Sitting here listening to their shit

Thinking the worst, hoping for the best

Announcing to the world

Not a day goes by that I don't wish

Doing the unthinkable to stop this pain

In taking my life, feels like the only way

Never again will i feel so useless, so despicable, so worthless, so guilty

Going will be hard but for me it's the only thing that I can do

Hear me sitting & contemplating this difficult choice

Each day is hard, each night harder

Right and wrong and wrong is all I am

Everyone I know doesn't understand

I know it's hard to live with me and my emotional mess

So sorry for hurting them, so sorry for being a fucking mistake to them, so sorry for not being good enough for them

Keeping up this false pretense of happy

Is not going to change what I am feeling

Loving you is a choice I am happy I made, leaving you is harder but it's the only way

Letting go of this life is better for all

I know what your thinking, i should stop and think about the people I'm hurting but

No one knows what it's like to be me,

Giving myself to all who need me, but killing me inside when they are hurting

Maybe I'm being a little overdramatic however

Each day that I live, a piece of my heart dies

Better to die by my own hand

Understanding that I tried, but couldn't keep going

Trust that I love you and forever will

Without you here, an ocean apart

It's difficult to hold on, difficult letting God have control

How can you love me, when all I bring is pain

Others who know me think I'm insane

Understand that what I'm feeling is a result of their pain

They thinks it's crazy that I get twisted inside, that I hurt and rage and cry, when I'm not the one that's getting hurt but them

You see it sucks feeling so much empathy

Only I can't take it anymore

Usually I try and ignore their pain, blasting the music and cleaning like crazy

Right now it seems like I've come to my end, for I can't take it anymore, i want this to end

Love you have shown me, is the love that I want

Only you can truly make sense of my fucked up mess

Very few people have the guts to stay

Even though we are an ocean and timezones away

I hope that while I'm spinning in a downward spiral, you will pray for me and with me for this nightmare to end

Hoping that I can be strong enough to last

An eternity of this, until I'm in your arms

Viciously hoping that your love for me can conquour

Everything and anything that's standing in my path

No one can love me the way you do

Only I'm wishing that our love stays true

Thinking about you seems to keep my eyes off that knife, remembering your laugh

Hearing it in my mind, wishing that one day I can hear it in real life

Incredible it seems that towards the end of my emotional poem of considering suicide

No one but you can bring a smile to my face, maybe I think, it's God's way of saying

Good riddance to the devil speaking in her ear, she finally has found someone worthy of her, someone she can hold onto.

Submitted: April 06, 2019

© Copyright 2022 Jezzy Jay. All rights reserved.

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