Funny-Phobia

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: April 12, 2019

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Submitted: April 12, 2019

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Scene 1
[Scene is a picnic in the clouds with a rainbow in the background handpainted backdrop, the picnickers are faries]
 
[ROBBYN S.L., FARTS comes in from S. R. and throws confetti inROBBYN’s face using a catapult (functional artwork)]
ROBBYN
& FARTSHa! Ha! Ha! [Laugh]
M-MStop your laughing you fools! [Runs in S. L. ROBBYN & FARTS make funny faces at M-M]
M-MGRRR! [Steps forward forcefully]
ROBBYN Ahhhhh! [Runs off S. R.]
FARTS You wanna go? [Fighting stance, threatens M-M]
ROBBYN Where’re we going? Can I drive?!?! [Comes in from S. R. and holds pie tin as a steering wheel, then licks it.]
M-M No! We are not going anywhere. Besides, the car's out of gas.
FARTSYou mean this kind of gas? [Makes fart noises with hands]
M-M [Scared] Ah! Stop! Please! Funny scares me! I have Funny-Phobia! The doctor diagnosed it-
ROBBYN Four score and seven years ago… [Straightens up]
FARTS Ha! [Laughs]
M-M You’re scaring me!
ROBBYN So? I don’t care! [Laughs harder as M-M runs to S. R., crying] Ha!
FARTS Ha!
M-M [Comes back on stage] What’s to laugh about? [Sobs]
FARTS &
ROBBYN [In unison] confetti!!!!!
M-M But I don’t like confetti ! [FARTS throws confetti in M-M’s face using a catapult]
M-M Please get me a towel to clean this up!
[FARTS throws a towel at M-M, and the towel sticks]
M-M Mph! Pmph! Muph! [ROBBYN now grabs a towel and throws it at FARTS]
ROBBYN [Excitedly] TOWEL FIGHT!!!!!! [All three throw towels around, M-M is reluctant at first and then starts to laugh, noticing it and then getting scared, cleans off face]
 
Scene 2
 
[Still at the park but now standing, M-M and ROBBYN have used a towel to clean their faces]
FARTS Ok, guys, now we have to go home.
ROBBYN Awww, but were having so much fun and plus, M-M laughed!!!
M-M N-n-n-no I didn’t! [Still slightly scared]
ROBBYN [Matter-of-factly] Yeah, ya did. Ya just got scared afterward.
M-M N-n-no! I did not! I never ever laughed once!
FARTS If you didn’t, then why are you trying to defend yourself so much?
M-M I guess, maybe, maybe I laughed, just a little. [Makes an innocent face]
FARTS So anyways, homeward bound! [All three pack up the picnic and fly home (S. R.) on clouds]
 
Scene 3
[Now all at home, a backdrop painting of a castle window view and glorious scenery outside, ex. a swingset, slide, maybe a river]
FARTS Now that we’re home…
ROBBYN DANCE PARTY!!! [The song “Everybody Dance Now” is played as ROBBYN turns on the radio and FARTS and ROBBYN begin to dance]
M-M Don’t dance! We have to wash our dirty dishes and blanket from the picnic.
ROBBYN Oh come on M-M! Can’t we have just a little bit of fun? After all, we did just hear you laugh… [Taunts M-M]
M-M Stop! Please! I didn’t try to laugh, and when I did, it was really scary. I don’t know how I ever did it. How do you laugh so well, I mean, when it’s so scary and stuff?
ROBBYN [Smirks at FARTS] Well, we just do it like this…
FARTS Ha… Ha… Ha… [At each “ha” she holds up a finger counting to 3]
M-M Ah! Don’t! Please! That was such a horrific experience. Please, never do that again!
ROBBYN Aha! A laugh a day keeps the psychiatrist away! [FARTS and ROBBYN start laughing]
M-M No! I’m serious. There is something extremely wrong with you two if you’re both not afraid of-of-of-of…
FARTS Funny?
M-M Ah! [Both ROBBYN and FARTS jump back with alarm] Don’t say that-that word! Just the thought of it sends chills up my spine. [Shivers with fright and disgust]
ROBBYN And by the way, we aren’t the wrong ones. There is something wrong with you. The doctor even said that you had a very rare case. The chances of having or getting Funny-Phobia are 0.00003% (3 hundred thousandths of a percent)! Do you know how small that is?
FARTS Yeah, that’s smaller than your brain Robbyn! And if that’s the case, that is supremely small.
ROBBYN Hey, at least I’m not the one who said that ????(pi)=MC squared. It’s obviously E=MC squared. Duh!
M-M All right mathematicians! We don’t need to-heh, heh-break each other's protractors over this.
ROBBYN [Gasps] You laughed! [Turns to FARTS] Did you hear that? M-M actually laughed! [Back to M-M] Great for you!
FARTS Yay!
M-M I-I-I-I-I-I actually l-laughed. I-I actually laughed. Ha! I actually laughed! [gets up on chair and shouts ‘to the world’] Hey World! I actually laughed! Aha! Ha-ha, ha-ha! Yip! Okay, now I’m getting a bit frightened. Maybe I had better sit down. Heh. [Sits down on the chair, and ROBBYN hands her a water bottle]
ROBBYN It’s okay M-M. You’ll get used to it. Step by step, right?
FARTS Step by step.
M-M Yeah. Eh, step by step. Step by step. Got it. Step by step. Okay, let’s try this again: All right mathematicians! We don’t need to break each other’s protractors over this! [Comes out in full force laughing, falls to floor and bangs a fist or slaps a knee because the joke is so funny]
FARTS Ha, ha. Yep that is sure, uh, funny all right. Ha. Ha. [ROBBYN and FARTS fake laugh and try to be convincing, all the while M-M is laughing hysterically]
M-M Wow, guys. That really felt good. I mean, that felt really good. All these years of fear are melting away. I’m starting to feel like a new person, a funny person. But it’s still a little scary.
FARTS That’s okay, M-M. Baby steps. Step by step.
M-M Yeah, step by step.
ROBBYN Step by step.
ALL [To audience] Step by step! [The song “Step By Step” is played]
FARTS [FARTS turns radio off for a moment to say…] I would watch where I step though, because there’s a puddle over there. [Points to floor a short way away and turns radio back on and then M-M shoots confetti at FARTS]
 
Acknowledgements
Everybody Dance Now - C&C Music Factory
Step By Step - New Kids on the Block
 
 
 
 


© Copyright 2020 Steph Ellswo. All rights reserved.

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