Maybe he was all I wanted. But I’m not what he needs.

Maybe he loved me once.

Maybe, in a way that only someone who had no clue who they are could, he thought I was the one for him.

Sometimes things don’t work out how you think they’re going to.

Caleb was very dependent on me when we were younger. I was one of his only friends, at school at least, and so everything I did was gospel to him. So afraid of losing me he changed himself in ways that I could never fathom and yet never noticed. Caleb was the friend who you could talk to for hours on end and never run out of things to chat about. Books, music, cartoons, Caleb had opinions on everything. Of course, I didn’t learn all of them. When you’re young and stupid the only opinion that matters is your own and Caleb didn’t like an argument.

He was never innocent though.

Even after we fought for the last time on that July afternoon, about 3 or so years ago, the things he did were only made to hurt me. He would block me on several social media sites and spout slander and spit at every aspect of me that wasn’t up to his expectations. For such a quiet man, he definitely did have a lot of those.

I know now he doesn’t love me.

Caleb is a force to be reckoned with. A cold metal bar to the head and a warm ukulele song from the heart and every summer night when it’s too warm and too incredible to even realise. Every human mistake, every innocent word, every insult we threw at each other is part of this dangerous, scared man. Was part of him.

Caleb was a statement more than a person. He “was” more than “could be”, every future plan cast in doubt by his parents’ wishes. They didn’t even wish for him to be called Caleb, in fact, but that was something they couldn’t control. Something he couldn’t control.

Maybe Caleb was more me than anything. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t love me. Not really.


Submitted: April 16, 2019

© Copyright 2022 Labyrinth Black. All rights reserved.

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Comments

MightyDeath

Nawh :(

Tue, April 16th, 2019 8:34am

Author
Reply

don’t worry about it, my guy. it was for the best in the end xx

Tue, April 16th, 2019 2:43am

Jeff Bezaire

It's funny how people can change - or perhaps they haven't really changed, they've just finally come out of their shell and shown you who they truly are. It's shocking when it happens, and usually conflict is the easiest way to draw out their true feelings, the things they'd usually leave unsaid, that has lived in them for years that they were too polite to harbour any negativity towards at the time. It's a good learning moment, when someone explodes. You learn a lot about them and about yourself. It sucks to lose them, but not everything is meant to last forever.
Welcome back, Labby! It's been a while! I'm happy to see you're still around. :D I hope you're doing well.

Tue, April 16th, 2019 6:42pm

Author
Reply

yeah sometimes people aren’t who you think they are.
I’m glad to be back! I’m glad that you’re also still around. I hope you weren’t worried about me haha :D

Tue, April 16th, 2019 11:46am

Jeff Bezaire

I was worried, honestly. It's good to know you're still with us. :)
I hope things are working out for you and that school hasn't given you too many problems (if that's possible).

Tue, April 16th, 2019 6:59pm

Author
Reply

things are ok. obviously life gets in the way of things sometimes and it means I haven’t been able to do the things I enjoy as much any more (like writing). but I think I’m doing pretty ok. I mean, I’ve come a long way from that kid posting Yu-Gi-Oh! fan art and unfinished novels. I’m definitely a lot better emotionally too. I hope you’re doing ok too. I’ve always appreciated your input on my works and it’s pretty incredible that you still do after so long. so thanks, my dude. for a lot of things.

Tue, April 16th, 2019 1:35pm

Jeff Bezaire

I'm happy to hear you're doing emotionally well. I'm glad things are working out, even if it pulls you away from what you'd prefer to do, such is life. :)
I'm doing well. Still working on my novel . . . and a bunch of other stuff, too. Working towards getting to where I want to be. Slow going, but it's going.
Keep moving forward, Labby! You're doing great! It's wonderful hearing from you! :D

Wed, April 17th, 2019 6:33pm

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