Chapter 2: A Strange Feeling

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 190
Comments: 6

Raven sighed as she stood at the border. “I really hate hunters…”, she mumbled before walking further.

As she arrived at the scene she could tell that it was a terrible battle. Torn up bits of armour and clothes were scattered around. Weapons lying around either broken or badly damaged.

And yet, as always, their bodies were gone. Even their blood, that should be sprayed everywhere, disappeared along with them.

She felt that strange feeling in her body again and her eyes moved towards the bridge.

Her eyes glided over the magical tree that grew in such a manner to form the bridge. At the end of the bridge, the tree’s roots formed a beautiful gate. Between the roots, the water from the river flowed in a spiralling motion, making it an awesome sight.

Raven’s eyes followed the spiralling water to its source. A beautiful river with crystal clear, shimmering water; flowing around the swamp. She glanced at the sharp rocks rising from its depts before her gaze shifted towards the gloomy swamp beyond the bridge. The Death Swamp. A muddy place filled with shadows and dead trees; where few people entered and even fewer left alive. It is a feared place yet, no one has ever seen it entirely.

Raven sighed and pulled her gaze away. “No time to gawk at that cursed place, Raven”, she scolded herself. She ignored the strange feeling and pushed her thoughts away, continuing to clean the battlefield.

She was nearly done when she saw a big bag at the border between the Inner Ring and the Death Swamp. It was kept from tumbling into the river by just a thin branch of a tree standing close to the bridge. Raven looked at it with mixed feelings.

“There could be something valuable inside the bag…But it’s so close to the bridge…”, she thought.

She sighed deeply. “Great, and I can’t leave it there” she said, annoyed.

After giving it some thought, Raven decided to retrieve the bag. “Coiling my whip around it wouldn’t work…I guess I’ll have to climb up there…”, she thought with a sigh. She looked around for something to reach the bag and found a thick strong branch lying on the ground, probably broken during the fight.

She looked at the tree for a few moments. “I am going to hate myself for this…”, she mumbled. With a heavy sigh, she climbed up in the tree and onto the thickest part of the branch.

She reached for the bag with the stick, feeling the bark from the branch biting into her palm. It took a few tries to reach it, but she finally managed to get it off the branch. She threw the stick in her hand away with a relieved sigh and grabbed the bag tightly, ready to climb back down.

“What the…aah!” she yelped.

Just as she was trying to turn around on the branch, a sudden searing pain ripped through her entire body.

She lost her tight grip on the branch and slipped.

She managed to grab hold of the branch again just in time. While clinging to the branch for dear life, the searing pain was suddenly replaced by a strange, almost soothing burning feeling in her veins.

She lost her grip again.

As luck would have it, the bag got caught by a sharp piece of wood, piercing the bag but keeping her from falling.

And just as quick as it came, the burning feeling was gone.

Panting, Raven weighed her options as she clutched the fabric of the bag tightly in her hand. She could try to climb back up, but the bag could tear further and both she and the contents of the bag could fall onto the sharp rocks in the river. Or she could try to fling herself towards the ground, but the branch could break before she’d have enough momentum to do so and the bag would still be in the tree.

Oh well, I'm in hot water either way,” she thought.

She eyed the branch.

“Climbing it is.”

She started to climb back up carefully and a sigh of relief escaped her throat when she sat safely on the branch. She reached for the bag and carefully tossed it behind her. Just as the fabric left her touch, the branch beneath her broke with a loud crack.

A scream flooded over her lips as plain air surrounded her. Her gaze landed on the sharp rocks beneath her and shock filled her entire being. She closed her eyes tightly, bracing herself for the searing pain of the fall…

____Author's note____

{Chapter edited}

If you like this novel so far, please leave a comment or like my novel!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 


Submitted: May 21, 2019

© Copyright 2020 RosaliaJerika. All rights reserved.

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Comments

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Srchaud

I think if you had Raven talk to the hunters and then show them ignoring her, it would be more effective. Plus it would give us some dialoge and a chance to see how Raven talks to others.
I do like how she tries to protect people from crossing the bridge and the forest itsself is a fantastic place.

Sat, May 25th, 2019 2:34am

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RosaliaJerika

Thank you for your comment and advice... I try to keep things at a slow pace. But I'll definitely keep it in mind for the next chapters!

Sat, May 25th, 2019 7:43am

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Obscure

You write really well! I didn't see many problems with sentence structure, except some tense mistakes where you switched between past and present. I think when it comes to creative writing you are allowed to break a few rules so long as the sentence makes sense. I completely agree with the commenter on Chapter One, your story is interesting, but I think it would help it a lot to get rid of the exposition and show the reader your world by having your character experience it. For example, in Chapter One you spent a lot of time describing the beasts, but I would have preferred if you described the beasts by having your character interacting with one of them. It comes across as unnatural when there is no reason for the character to be thinking about something other than to tell the reader information they may need to know, because of course the character shouldn't know a reader is reading about them at all.


Also, I did think this chapter contradicted the first a little. In Chapter One, you said the forest is a dangerous place and described your character as part of the forest. Is she the sort of character to be clumsy when it comes to climbing and tread on an unsafe branch, without provocation?

All in all, you definitely have the skill to write, and with some fleshing out this story has a lot of potential, your character development is good and you have a very creative mind, the beasts sound very interesting. Good luck with your novel!

Wed, May 29th, 2019 8:17pm

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Obscure

Oh, and did you draw your book cover? I really like it!

Wed, May 29th, 2019 8:20pm

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RosaliaJerika

Thank you for commenting. I appreciate you pointing out my mistakes. I guess I didn't think about the branch scene that way. Thank you for bringing it under my attention!
Also, yes, I drew the picture myself and created the rest of the cover with an app. I'm glad you liked it!

Thu, May 30th, 2019 7:43am

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Robert Helliger

Chapter 2 is well written.
Apart from the forest the Death Swamp is scary. It should be described like you don't want to go there. And ends the reader's confusion. Overall, it is a good novel.

Sun, August 25th, 2019 7:30am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the comment and for pointing out my flaws, I appreciate it!

Mon, August 26th, 2019 4:54am

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