Enforced Retirement

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Heavenly Enterprises are restructuring their Miracles Department!

Submitted: May 21, 2019

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 21, 2019



Enforced Retirement


Heavenly Enterprises have announced plans to restructure their Miracles Department. In the interest of humanity, we eavesdropped on their confidential executive meeting on Cloud 9 to find out what they had in mind. 

‘And Moses is going to be replaced by Zabacosta,’ the MD said, concluding the changes.

The HR Director probed deeper. ‘Do you really think that’s such a good idea?’

‘Why? Miracles has to be restructured. Moses’s 80, Zabacosta is 24. We need new blood.’

‘You can’t just enforce Moses’ retirement…’

‘Why not? I’m MD, aren’t I? I’ll do what the Hell I like!’

‘Age discrimination,’ Ms A. S. M. Jeroboam said calmly applying her lipstick.

‘Age discrimination?’ Mr A. J. N. Magnum became agitated, sweating profusely.

‘Mm. Moses is an Egyptian Hebrew, born and bred. He’s lived in Midian 40 years. He married Zipporah, daughter of Jethro, if I rightly recall. He has children, grandchildren…’

The MD interrupted, intrigued, his brows raised like flags. ‘Zipporah, daughter of Jethro?’

‘Mm.’ Jeroboam sucked the tip of her ballpoint, ‘The very same.’

‘I’m impressed! What do you suggest?’

‘I suggest Moses and Zabacosta are both interviewed for the new role of Miracle Person.’

Magnum conceded, ‘Where are they now?’

Jeroboam grinned, ‘Waiting to meet you in Reception. I took the liberty of…’

‘Abigail, you little fox! Okay, okay, let’s see Moses!’

Moses staggered into the Boardroom bearing Ten Commandments and a staff, and dressed in faded brown robes, gathered at the waist, with old sandals. HR thanked him for attending and asked him to present on why he considered himself to be the right candidate for the new role.

‘I was born a slave but became a prince in the Egyptian royal family at 3 months old,’ he replied proudly, ‘I parted the Red Sea so that the Hebrew people and all their animals could cross the dry seabed to the Promised Land. I wrought a plague of festering boils on the non-believers. I plagued them with hail storms, fire and locusts, I…’

‘How are you with AI, IT, PC and Environmental Management?’ tested the MD.

He cracked his knuckles. She varnished her nails. Moses sat in abject silence.

‘Thank you, Moses,’ HR said lump-in-throat, ‘We’ll let you know by close of play today.’

‘God Bless You,’ Moses said, pushing himself up wearily from his seat. He gathered the Ten Commandments and his staff then stumbled despondently out of the Boardroom.

‘Abigail, ask Zabacosta to come through would you, please?’ Aaron requested politely.

‘Of course, Aaron!’ Abigail smiled.

Zabacosta Hail breezed in, dressed to kill in a beautifully feminine, figure-friendly navy dress worn above the knee. Abi thanked her lover for attending at such short notice and asked her to present on why she considered herself to be the right candidate for the new role.

‘Certainly,’ she said, quietly confident,’ I consider myself excellent with people of every religion, ethnic background, gender type, age group and sexuality and I am fully conversant in AI, IT, PC and Environmental Management.’

Aaron smiled at Abi. Abi winked at Aaron. Zaabi sat and smiled.

‘How are you at performing miracles, Hail?’ Aaron interjected.

‘I have never performed a miracle,’ she replied, looking worried, ‘But I’m keen to learn!’

‘Thank you, Zabacosta!’ Abi was delighted. ‘Welcome to the Apocalypse!’

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