Dark thoughts

I don’t feel myself , I feel weak like my body can no longer be controlled , I feel weighted so much so that lifting any body part makes me gasp for air , the pain in my stomach getting tighter and tighter as though a hand is clenched around it pressuring it to explode. I feel alone as though no matter how loud I scream no one seems to hear , no matter how much I try to show I’m invisible to the eyes of the world , I forget this feeling sometimes but it comes back every so often and reminds me of everything I’m not , what I can never be and how much I regret letting myself fall deep into the abyss. If only there was a hand to pull me out , I stare into the sky hoping that there will be something to hold onto but to my despair I sink further into a state of trance where I no longer feel anything , I no longer feel pain I no longer wish I was not alone. Yet here I am lying here waiting for someone to care , why can’t I just give up , why can’t I just let go , why can’t I find comfort in nature itself , why can’t I trust myself to be alone. Truth is I want to be alone , alone is easy , alone means there’s no one there to keep hurting me , alone means that I don’t need to feel anymore , I need to give in to that , what’s left in this world for me ? I’ve yet to find my purpose , am I just a rag that no one wants , am I just floating through life waiting to set myself free , I just want it all to end . Everything I want everything to end , the regret , the pain , the torture it’s eating away at my already decomposing mind what have I got left to get through this , nothing fulfils me anymore I can’t find happiness in anything , why do I settle , I’m not happy .