A Song of Arse and Farters

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
Episode 74?

Submitted: May 21, 2019

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Submitted: May 21, 2019

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A SONG OF ARSE AND FARTERS

 



Chapter One: The Ragdoll Queen

Drogon flew east, across the Narrow Sea, the dead queen clutched in his huge talons like a ragdoll. On and on he flew. Cities of ancient renown passed beneath him. Heedless of all, he flew on.

Suddenly a huge column of flames startled him, bringing him out of his revery. And at the base of the column: a woman beckoning to him.

Something about the woman drew him to her. He landed. The woman approached, chanting an incantation.

All at once the dragon's talons opened, and Daenerys Stormborne's eyes also opened -- and she struggled to her feet!

"Where am I?" she asked. "Am I dead?"

"No child," Kinvara said. "Your story is not yet over."



Chapter Two: The Dragon in the Cave

Bran had been searching for the dragon for some time. Now, though, the powerful psychic presence of Kinvara, coupled with her great magic, drew him like a beacon to where he found the beast, the priestess, -- and the queen standing before the dragon commanding him to fly her back to Westeros to deal with her betrayers!

Trying to warg into the powerful mind of the dragon, it was all Bran could do to make the creature shake its head and then fly away from Daenerys to a high mountain on the horizon, at the base of which he found a large cave, which he made the creature crawl into, and then made the creature fall into a mighty sleep.
 


Chapter Three: Asses of Essos

Abandoned by her dragon, Daenerys knelt before Kinvara, determined to study at her feet until she gained true wisdom.

After studying ten thousand scrolls she became enlightened.

She then walked out of the city to the cave where her dragon slept. Without waking him, she bade him goodbye, and gently kissed him.

Before leaving, she saw her crown still held in the dragon's talons. Out of some old habit, and without any thought, she put it on her head and walked out of the cave. Then finding a stray donkey, she rode back into the city.

When the people saw her upon the donkey and a crown upon her head they fell to their knees and began crying, "The prophecy!" Soon the whole city acclaimed her its ruler and gave the government into her hands.

Riding from town to town on her donkey, with no army at all, soon all of Essos bowed down to her, proclaiming her ruler.

As she rode triumphantly into the last town in Essos, at the eastern edge of the world, a lonely ship sailed into the harbor -- from the east!




Chapter Four: Saving Faceless


When Arya finally returned to Essos she was quite surprised to find Daenerys waiting there at its eastern shore. She wasn't sure how to react, but Daenerys welcomed her with open arms and told her of her enlightenment.

Daenerys told Arya of her new type of government, a type of republic, and she talked about the importance of what she called "one person, one vote".

Daenerys showed Arya the scrolls she carried with her everywhere that delineated this new government. In one she read "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty..." Arya hurriedly put the document down; she didn't know what to think!

The next scroll called itself a Con-Stee-Too-Shun and attempted to set down the rules of this new government: its laws were made by one house of representatives elected by the people for that role, in association with another house called the Sen-Ett, where each former country, regardless of its size or population, all were represented by the same number of representatives.

When Arya read of this "Sen-Ett" she rolled her eyes and said to herself, "Oh my, Daenerys is still crazy! What a ridiculous concept! How could she imagine that this Sen-Ett could be compatible in any way with democratic governance!"

But Daenerys was so sincere, and she told Arya how her new system had brought piece to the land. And when Arya learned that Daenerys had achieved all this without slaughter, she began to be won over.

Daenerys told her that she wished there were new lands to bring "Dem-Ock-Ressy" too, so Arya showed Daenerys the map of the new lands she had discovered, and the two women resolved there and then to return to those lands and bring the new way to these new peoples.




Chapter Five: Southern Discomfort

The head of House Martell controlled all of Dorne -- but he could not control his daughter. Day after day she grew more and more tired of fried green tomatoes and grits (always grits!), and determined to see the world.

Her name was Arnchya, and when Arnchya finally turned eighteen, she packed a rucksack, climbed out her bedroom window, and headed north.

She hoped to go so far north that she might come to a land that had never even heard of grits. Because of this resolution - one fine day - she finally found herself passing beyond The Wall.

North of the wall she met Jon Snow, and the two fell promptly in love. They married, and Arnchya soon gave birth to triplets which they named Stark, Targaryon, and Martell.

As the triplets grew up, their parents would read them fairytales -- strange Fantasy Fiction set in the bizarre Dem-Ock-Ressies of Essos, stories involving such fanciful figures as Prezz-A-Dents, Sen-Ettors, and Cong-Gress-Purr Sons.

When they grew up, these three children were still enamored of these strange tales and resolved to bring Dem-Ock-Ressy to Westeros -- but not the crazy kind with a Sen-Ett. No, a sane kind with a unicameral legislature and a system of proportional representation.

Filled with the optimism of youth, the triplets proved unstoppable.


Chapter Six: Longing for Injustice

Centuries passed. The old ways of kings and nobles were left behind. And yet the people endlessly romanticized stories of kings and queens -- and not stories of how these kings and queens were overthrown by brave and honorable egalitarians, but stories of how brave and noble princes won crowns and ruled "justly".

This strange madness seemed everywhere! Fairytales never told about the struggles of republicans. Just endless kings, and queens, and princes and princesses.

No story (not a one!) began, "Once upon a time there was a kingdom, and in this kingdom the people longed for democracy."

No one could understand it.


Chapter Seven: A Strange Mystery

Many, many more years passed until a scholar, researching the years after Daenerys Stormborne (before she died the first time) conquered King's Landing, suddenly asked a question no one had thought of previously: "Wait, what happened to the Dothraki?"

 

The End






 


© Copyright 2019 Maester Schmaester. All rights reserved.

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