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Thanksgiving Crasher

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Flash Fiction Fun
What's more stressful than hosting your in-laws for Thanksgiving? An alien crash-landing in your backyard might be up there... Here is my ode to my favourite holiday, thanksgiving.

Submitted: May 23, 2019

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Submitted: May 23, 2019

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“Daria, where are you?” Vivien hissed into her phone at her wife.

“Viv honey, you gotta marinade the turkey every 30 minutes,” her mother called from the kitchen.

“Our flight was cancelled,” Daria was whispering, her own mother obviously in earshot.

“When are you coming home?” Vivien was chasing after her sister’s infuriating beagle named Watson. Watson, currently trying to make off with her car keys, had been trying to steal her cell phone, and remote control, and pretty much anything he could get his mouth on all day. In between cleaning the house, and preparing dinner, she’d had to deal with Watson. She was desperate for her wife to be here helping her. Daria and her mother had been scheduled home yesterday… morning.

“We’re at the airport, and if all goes according to plan-” Vivien hated that expression “-we should be home by six.”

Six pm, the same time she was aiming to have the turkey done. They used to have thanksgiving at Daria’s parent’s every year, but since Daria’s father had died in the spring, Vivien had suggested they host and invite both sides of the family over to their house. This was turning into an unmitigated disaster. She sighed, forcing a smile on her face as her young daughter Mabel trotted into the living room.

“Mommy, where’s the remote?”

“Clean your cereal bowl from breakfast,” she said to her daughter, before saying into the phone: “I love you, get home soon as you can!”

“Yeah, if you don’t marinate the bird it will dry out,” her sister added from the TV room, though no offer to help followed.

“Vivien, you listen to your mother!” She could barely hear her father’s voice over the TV. “I don’t want no dry turkey!”

“Mommy, the alien’s building something,” Mable tugged at her mother’s shirt.

Vivien had a vague memory of Mabel shaking her awake last night, something about a space ship crashing in their backyard. She’d kept nagging her to go check the backyard for the space ship all day.

Vivien sighed. “I thought it was a space ship.”

“Well there’s an alien in the space ship, obviously,” Mabel rolled her eyes.

“Where’s my phone?” Vivien patted her pockets. Had she put it down on the table?

“Watson probably got it,” Mabel shrugged, and walked back to the TV room.

Vivien muttered to herself as she went to the back door. She just caught sight of the beagle’s rump as he squeezed himself through the doggy door and headed to the backyard. Vivien opened the door, about to call his name, but the noise caught in her throat. Her finely mowed lawn had been replaced by a crater. In the crater among the metallic rubble, was a little green alien, wearing a welder’s mask as bright sparks flew around the equipment he was welding.

Even through her panic Vivien could recognize electronics from around her house. A few phones, an old keyboard, a couple old CD players. The rest of the technology was unrecognizable, clearly salvaged from the wreckage. Watson reached the alien, who shut off the welder and lifted its mask. The alien was so short it saw eye-to-eye with Watson, patting the dog who deposited a hand-mixer at its feet. Then the alien saw Vivien.

It screeched and Watson ran off. Vivien screamed as the alien reached behind its back, and picked up a blaster twice as long as it was. She’d just reached the door as a pulse of energy hit the siding of the house. Vivien slammed the door shut behind her, splinters of wood and smoke following her into the quiet hallway.

“Mommy, did you see the alien?”

“GET TO YOUR ROOM! BARRICADE THE DOOR! SOMEONE CALL 911!” She screamed, running forward.

“Vivien?” Her father stepped into the hallway. “What is going on?”

“It’s an alien!” Mabel replied cheerfully.

The door behind Vivien exploded into dust. Vivien grabbed Mabel into a bear hug and dove to the floor. Her father stood there with a dumb expression on his face. She could hear her mother and sister scream from another room. “What was that?”

Vivien looked back at the door, and there was the alien, holding its blaster aloft and riding Watson into the house. There was no time to ask how it was mind-controlling the beagle.

“RUN!” Vivien screamed again, picking up Vivien and throwing her into her father’s arms. “GET HER IN THE CAR AND GO!!!”

Vivien turned and saw the alien ride into the kitchen and be met with her mother’s high-pitched scream. “THERE’S A GOBLIN ON WATSON!”

“MOM!” Vivien ran into the kitchen.

Her mother cowered next to the open oven, a turkey baster held out as though it were a knife. The alien pointed its blaster at her mother, and Vivien pulled back her leg and brought her foot down on the alien, punting the green beast across the room as it fired the blaster. Her mother dodged out of the way as the energy blast flew into the oven, dry bits of turkey flew around the kitchen.

“No.” Daria had been counting on her to be ready. Today was supposed to be special, the beginning of a new family tradition that would be passed down to her daughter and her daughter after. A piece of crispy skin fluttered down and landed at her feet. “NO!!!”

Vivien saw the metallic flash on the counter – a chef’s knife. She grabbed it as the alien began to shake off its daze and lift the blaster again. The blaster stuttered and jammed, and the alien’s large black eyes got even wider as it saw the knife coming towards its head. It dropped the blaster and ran.

“KILL IT WITH FIRE!” Vivien’s sister, Susan, screamed as she came out of the TV room into the kitchen.

The alien jumped on Susan’s face. Susan fell backwards, screaming and clawing at the little green ogre.

“DON’T YOU TOUCH MY BABY GIRL!!!” Their mother ran after Susan, ripping the alien off her daughter and throwing it hard onto the floor. It squeaked like one of Watson’s toys as it bounced into the air.

Having gotten over the shock of being retaliated against, the alien managed to right itself mid-air, and it landed back on the ground on its feet. It turned to look at Vivien, and from its back pocket took out something small. It pushed a button and the object – a tiny saw – spun to life. The alien ran at Vivien.

“Watson! Come here!” Vivien grabbed the dog as it tried to waddle away – the blaster in its jaws. She pried the blaster and pointed it at the charging alien. “You ruined thanksgiving!”

She pulled the trigger, and an energy pulse hit the alien in the chest, and stopped it dead.

***

“The turkey looks amazing!” Daria’s voice strained and she tried to keep her smile bright.

“A little small,” Daria’s mother muttered.

Daria sliced into the ‘turkey’, releasing a smell similar to cotton candy.

Vivien laughed, “It’s a vegan turkey. Honey-roasted vegan turkey. We’re vegan now.”

“Maybe we can do thanksgiving at our house next year,” Vivien’s father suggested, before his wife shot him a death glare.

“Anyone else? White or dark?” Daria held up a piece of gelatinous meat.

Nobody made eye contact with their hosts, and everyone muttered something about a diet or a big lunch they’d had, until finally Mabel held up her plate with a wide smile.

“Green, please!”


© Copyright 2019 Guenevere Lee. All rights reserved.

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