Waffles

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Random observation at the breakfast buffet may be an insight to the future of human.

Submitted: May 29, 2019

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Submitted: May 29, 2019

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Waffles

 

ATTENTION!  ATTENTION!  Please pay attention to the following service announcement:  HUMANS ARE DESTINE FOR EXTINCTION.

That might be a bit dramatic but that is where we as a species are destine.  Not because of some extraterrestrial invasion, or a massive meteor strike, or even a self-destructive nuclear war.  No, we are destined for extinction simply because most of us are too ignorant to follow simple directions.  You have your doubts?  Then, go to any local motel with a breakfast buffet and make this observation for yourself.

People are truly amazing.  Amazingly incapable of following the simplest of instructions.  Even if the instructions are presented with pictures of exactly what to do so that reading and following written instructions is not a hinderance to completing the task.  Take making waffles at the breakfast buffet.

There it is, a dispenser for the waffle batter and cups with a fill line clearly marked.  On the front of the dispenser are three pictures.  The first displays an empty cup under the spigot; the second a finger pressing back on the lever to dispense the batter; and a third showing the cup filled to the fill line.  Not exactly rocket science so why is it that I watch as people have a puzzled look as they try to determine what to use for the batter (the cups on top of the dispenser, dummy) and then at least half the people pull on the lever, often multiple times before looking at the picture to push or reading the label on the lever that says push or having someone show them that the need to push.  Finally, into the cup the batter flows, filling the cup to the…  what fill line?

Next step,  pour the batter evenly into the waffle iron.  Simple enough?  Well, maybe except that there is always a lot of batter in the center and not a lot on the edges.  That always happens when one pours directly into the middle and not around the whole waffle pan.  Now observe how the problem is resolved.  Quick fix, pour any remaining batter around the outer edge and try, as you might, to get the last of the batter out of the bottom of the cup.  If that that fails, the use the edge of the cup to drag the batter to fill the edges.  Wouldn’t it have been easier to look at the picture of the batter being poured around the edges before beginning? 

Next step, close the waffle iron and flip it over to start the timer.  Here I will give a few people credit for not understanding a picture o the open waffle with an arrow showing the top being lowered and a second picture of the closed waffle iron with arrows showing that the handle is turned clockwise.  So with these instruction directly in front of them, why would a person stand a watch the open waffle iron, waiting for the waffle to finish cooking?  And, then to really make the point of not understanding simple directions, stop the attendant and ask how to flip the waffle to cook the other side. 

The timer isn’t exactly hidden for is in not clearly indicated in the picture instructions, yet it seems that either people are no longer able to wait a whole two and a half minutes for something to finish or they do not understand the concept of time.  Not all, but many, will after about a minute, open the waffle iron and poke the waffle to see if it is done.  Some will remove the waffle although there is still batter oozing from the sides.  Some will turn the waffle iron back and forth, perhaps believing that the waffle will brown more evenly.  Some will walk away and begin gathering other breakfast items only to return some time after the waffle iron has completed the two-and-a-half-minute cycle and dismayed because the waffle is now a crispy burned brown.  Few patiently wait for the waffle iron to finish and remove a properly cooked waffle ready to be enjoyed.

Why, do you ask, does this observation indicated the extinction of humans?  Consider this, if the vast majority cannot comprehend the simple instruction for preparing a breakfast waffle where the batter is premixed, the waffle iron is pre-programmed and all that is required is simple steps of pour the batter, close the lid, and wait two and a half minutes  to complete the process, do you really believe that humans can solve the issues that can lead to global destruction? 

ATTENTION!  ATTENTION!  Please pay attention to the following service announcement:  HUMANS ARE DESTINE FOR EXTINCTION.


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