Escaping the mind

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just my way to escape from my mind

Submitted: June 10, 2019

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Submitted: June 10, 2019



The escape.

When I go to bed at night, I am aware that there is a big chance that My mind will keep me up. That it will find some situations that happened recently or even many years ago and play them over again.

It could be just something that made me feel embarrassed and I will start analyzing that moment until the conclusion is that I am worthless and I should stay away from people. This is definitely not a healthy thing to be doing, but I have no control over it. Unless I make up stories in my mind while I try to sleep.

I have many scenarios that I can use for this. I have been to the edge of the universe, the great depths of the ocean, I have fought an alien invasion on numerous occasions. I have been an inventor, I have received special abilities to save the planet and I have been an assassin taking out the worst people in the world. All these scenarios and many more, helps me step away from my problems and sometimes trick my mind off letting go, so I can sleep.

What these scenarios have in common is that in all of them, I am in control. Nothing can get to me. I have a solution for everything, I take care of any problems with ease. I often wish to stay in my stories. I am comfortable there. When I am not there, everything is difficult. I hate making decisions or taking charge. I hate deciding what to do. Decisions are a problem for me. Because I do not want to choose wrongly. Because, well I would start thinking about it when I go to bed, wondering what would happen if I chose differently. And when that happens, I create a scenario again.

I drive my mind away from the problems and go to a different place entirely. I would some day like to write down one of these stories, but I fear that I don’t have the ability to do so. I don’t think I have the patience needed or the skills needed to do so. But I also feel it would be good for me, just getting it out “there”. Not necessarily for you the people who might read it, but for me. Just to clear my head completely and maybe get a good night sleep.

© Copyright 2019 Matthew L. Radcliffe. All rights reserved.

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