What Goes On In This Head?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Posted this at two in the morning. Best time for a depressive episode, but also brings great inspiration along with it. Hope you enjoy.

Submitted: June 12, 2019

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Submitted: June 12, 2019

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It tells me,
"You can make a difference. Life matters. Keep going, and be alive."
Then it pulls back, 
"It doesn't matter. The world is dying, stop trying. There's nothing left for you here."

Make up your mind
My brain makes emotions hard to find
Stop pushing and pulling
Stop yelling,
Just tell me

What goes on inside this head?

I have a love situation
Is it love or a simulation
Losing my concentration
Focus on your grades
Make everything okay
Keep smiling every single day

What the fuck you talking about?
I've tried to tell you, do I really have to shout?
Where do you really fit in this picture
You know your feelings are just a mixture
Of depression and hope
Hell, might as well be on dope

What if I can help others'?
Make it to where we can rely on each other
Find a lost brother
Or help a sick mother
Donate to the homeless
Make a cure for cancer
Make other people smile

The world is ending.
My mind is tumbling.
I was never smart enough to help or love right
And honestly in the end it'll end in a fight
"Do you really want to? Who would you lose?"
Everyone.
My mom.
Her.
My dad. 
My sister.
The people who've stuck by me even when I was a huge asshole to them.
Left them out of my own selfishness.
But who would want to deal with this mess?

Obviously, a lot.
They stuck through your bull.
Still talk to you.
Still try to help you get through.
Tell you that you matter and should live.
That life will eventually give
You something
Don't doubt my words, don't give into them either.

Keep a balance of both. 
Know when you have too much hope, being overly cocky and making a bunch of stupid moves.
But also know when too much darkness is there. 
When death comes into questioning.
It's time to stop.

Hope for a better future
But remember that not everything is going to be okay
There will be times that life seems to be too much.
But just remember the people who have fought for you
The people who have stuck with you despite your bad choices
The people who accept and help you.

So let me ask again.
What goes on in this head?


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