He's Leaving

Reads: 702  | Likes: 4  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 5

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Entry for Flash Fiction contest.

He’s leaving. The fun, the joy, the love. He’s leaving and he’s taking everything with him. Mom holds me close as he steps foot on the train. I can feel my lungs bursting, they hurt. Then I realize I’m screaming. My face is wet and I'm screaming at him to come back. I want him to hold me and tell me everything’s okay. As the doors close I break free from Mom’s arms and feel my feet fly beneath me as I will it to stop. My mind is faster than my feet and I trip. The concrete becomes my pillow. My tears stop and a loud thumping drowns out any other sound. My heartbeat, I realize as it grows faster when I feel soft arms around me.

“It’s okay now Adaline. Daddy’s gone.”

They got it wrong. They sent the good one away. He said they would never do something like that. But they did.

The ground pulls away from me as my weight shifts to Mom’s arms, my head against her shoulder. I want to dream he never left, that he’ll be waiting for me at home. And with that hope I let the dark take me.


Submitted: June 13, 2019

© Copyright 2022 CrazyA. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Luna Abbot

The feeling is :'(
I think you wrote it well, getting across the mood the way you wanted to.
I'm also guessing Adeline is a daddy's girl, but this is flash and that's all I came say on that.
Bye!

Sat, August 3rd, 2019 11:35pm

ratwood2

The third paragraph has me intrigued. Who sent him away? Why? If only you had another 25 words.
You captured the intensity of the emotion in the first paragraph very well.

Sat, October 19th, 2019 1:00pm

Thoughts Before Rem

This one does its job well. I feel as if Flash fictions are meant to leave you wanting and I totally do, I want to know what makes the dad the good one, why is he leaving? This one just has so much to given that opens up to questions being asked it is a great write

Thank you for letting us read it

Fri, November 29th, 2019 1:35pm

Archia

How sad for this poor little girl. You really captured the emotion and the despair she was feeling at having to say goodbye to her father. You did a great job at capturing so much in this short story.

Fri, May 22nd, 2020 12:29am

Melancholic Wisdom

This is incredibly sad and powerful, the pain is very real. To me, I feel like this is about Adeline's dad going off to the military, or at least that was my first thought. This is really well written, especially for a flash, it makes me want a lot more. Great work!

Sun, July 19th, 2020 4:29am

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