The Beginning of Everything Wrong

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 14, 2019

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Submitted: June 14, 2019



Once upon a time, there lived a handsome king who ruled over the most prosperous kingdom in all of the land. This handsome king was, of course, kind as well as gentle and charming and clever and all of the great qualities that made a perfectly heroic king.

Unfortunately for this perfect king, he did not have a perfect wife who was equally handsome and kind and gentle and charming and clever. In fact, he was married to a quite contrary woman. She was kind – most women were in such a privileged position – but she grew irritated at times. This woman was also beautiful, but in a cold, haughty way – as if she was eternally looking down upon everyone she met. And she was indeed clever – yet her cleverness came in a caustic form, rather than a fun one. All who had met the royal couple often asked the king in secret why he married such an “interesting” (to use their words) woman.

The king would shrug and reply, “She is the direct descendant of Geronimo the Great.”

Each time, the inquirer would drop their jaw in awe, for every child in the land has grown up hearing the tale of Geronimo the Great. Geronimo the Great, who had slayed so many witches and wizards, ogres and goblins, ghouls and the like. Geronimo the Great, who had single-handedly saved the world from the clutches of the Devastation. Geronimo the Great, whose work had decimated the evil magic populations to the brink of extinction, who had almost completely made fairy tales a thing of fiction. That Geronimo the Great had led to such an awful woman?

The king would nod and say, “Yes, I could not believe it either. But as soon as I heard that she was descended from a legend, I knew that she was the best woman for me.”

No one would ask questions after that.

As many of these sorts of tales go, the handsome king and the tolerable woman soon produced a healthy child. This new child was born on an ordinary autumn day, one without an inexplicable natural disaster nor without the few remaining witches coming to the palace to curse him. All seemed at peace, and the new child christened “Geronimo,” after his famous ancestor. However, due to the stresses of childbirth and the need to produce a lonesome heroic type, the tolerable new mother died soon after, and the new baby prince would never come to know her. Instead, the king grieved the proper length of time – no more, no less – and immediately recognized a heroic backstory when he saw one. He changed the name of the prince to “Jeronimo,” to distinguish the boy from the ordinary people, and promptly remarried. With a new stepmother in place and an odd name, the prince was now undoubtedly destined for greatness.

In the midst of a late winter storm, the sleeping baby in the castle had no idea of the ridiculous event that had just happened.

That was when all of Prince Jeronimo’s troubles began.

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