Savior

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
a man's struggle with depression and loneliness fuels him to seek any cure of i through the one person he feels he knows could save him.

Further Note

This is actually something I posted for my creative writing class, so now besides his criticism of the character being inactive, I would like to know what other criticisms you guys have to make the story better.

Submitted: June 19, 2019

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Submitted: June 19, 2019

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Nathan walks to the Lynx bus from work at the local bus station, as he sits  down near the back with the bus driving, he looks at his window aimlessly, his eyes blank and foggy. Staring at the buildings and streets lights as quick blurs. So is this is it. This is gonna be it. No degree. No college. No friends. No family. Just a job that I hate. And one that hates me. This is it. I got nothing. I’m done.

The bus makes a stop; a female passenger appears. She swipes her card and walks past Nathen, sitting two feet from her, putting on her headphones. Nathan turns his head and brings his eyes. Gazing in blissful awe at her.

Maybe it isn’t done yet.

Nathan gets up from his seat, walks towards the girl and proceeds to sit in the bus seat right next to her. She takes off her headphones.

“Hey Case.”

‘Hey!” She says excitedly. How you doing.

“Not bad. You”

“Not really.”

“What’s up?’

“It so damn cold in these buses. I always forget to bring a jacket.” Casey

“No prob. Take mine.”

Nathan takes out his dark brown leather jacket. He hands it over to Casey.

“Its fine.’

“Take it. I insist. You probably need it more than me.’

“What about y-“

“I’m fine. Said jokingly. “I’ll be fine. I’m fine right now.’

Casey looks at him with a turn blankness. Nathan brings the jacket slightly closer, opens a sly grin and raising one mischievous eyebrow.

Casey takes the jacket.

“Okay. If you get a cold, it's on you though.”

As they continue talking, Nathan brings his hands against his upper arms and shivers silently. He didn’t mind the lack of physical warmth, as it was replaced by the emotional warmth created by Casey.  

“You sure you don’t need the jack-

“I’m fine mom.”

They both chuckle.

“Hey. I’m sorry for what happened.”

“What.”

“About what happened with your degree getting revoked? I knew how much you wanted to go to that major.’

Nathan licks his lips, briefly looks down, and then raises his head and eyes back up.

“It’s cool. Just got to keep grinding. All I can do.”

“Yeah. God damn did it just get colder in here.”

“My jacket isn't warming you up.”

“Not enough.”

“Probably didn’t have enough coffee.”

“Heh. I could probably drink some right now.’

“Me too. Especially in this place. We need all the caffeine we can get.”

“Definitely. I need like at least 5 for tomorrow, always keeps me up.’

“Everybody needs something to keep them up.

“Not everyone. Some people don’t need nothing and they can get themselves off their feet without any help. Me while mean and you need coffee. “

“Speaking of coffee…. You know your favorite cafe.”

“Yeah.”

Well would. Wait you work

“N-”

“Great. You want to go out there. Just you and me. You know a date.’

Casey looks down in introspection if thinking about it, she swings her eyes out the window, looks at Nathan intently, swings her body back and forth slowly.

“You need a timer or something.’

‘No.

“No for what.”

“No for the date. She said in a stern and stoic seriousness. “For being so damn rude. Interrupting while I’m thinking, how dare you. Ha. Ha. Just kidding. Yeah. I’ll go. What time”

“Hmmm. 11:00?”

“Sure.’

“11:00 it is.”

Nathan looks down, noticing black slice marks across her wrist.

“What happened to your wrist?”

Casey turns and widens her eyes in a way that suggest that those slices were forbidden to be seen.

The bus stops. Casey looks up, she then gets up. Nathan moves to allow her to pass.

“Nice talking to you.

“You too. See you tomorrow.

Casey turns, looks at him with blank eyes.

“Yeah. See ya.’

Casey looks down with reluctant eyes as she walks out the bus.

Nathan bright smile becomes a frown as he becomes noticeably colder. It's as if Casey’s presence has been giving him warmth through the car ride. It wasn’t the cold that bothered him the most. It was the silence. Nathan gazes around the bus and everyone was either on their phone or fast asleep. In the deafening silence, as in every time it has gotten silent around him for a year, is where Nathan was at his weakest.  His thoughts went from the time he got his degree revoked to the moment his family kicking him out the house.  “We don’t need you here. Until you’re more useful for the bills, you’re on your own. We aren’t coming to save your stupid ass’ He would hear his mother's voice. Then he would hear his friend’s voice. ‘Stop whining, nobody cares, what you want Jesus Christ to come and save you, people have it worse than you, man up.’ All these thoughts and more continues on, with Nathan shaking both from the physical cold of the AC and the mental cold of his thoughts.

Then the thought of Casey came. He begins remembering the same conversation they just had a couple of minutes ago. The sun’s rays glowed brightly through the screen windows. Nathan smiles.

Once I have her. Maybe everything will be alright. Maybe I’ll be alright. No. I will be alright. I need to be.

 

The bus stops. Nathan gets out and proceeds to Nathan walks to the front door with a dazed grin. Standing up tall as confident as he used to a few years ago instead of his usual slump and slow position. He opens the door, he walks in, swapping a couple of flies before turning on the lights.  Searching around he sees clutters of food, papers, and all sorts of items spread across the living room, and being in these same positions for weeks. The trashcan being filled up a few feet from the top. Bones of chicken wings resting with empty plates and rolled up paper all over the couch and the floor. Since being left behind by Nathan for several weeks, the flies flying across the house and the ants feasting on the left-overs are the only ones willing to give the clutter some needed attention

 

Nathan for the first time in weeks decides to clean up everything, by the time of 4 hours. The living room looked reborn. The floor clean, the garbage taken out, the flies and ants spread. The lights glistening across the room

 

On the next day in the late morning. Nathan sits down, putting his coffee down in the process. He looks out the window. Checks his phone. The time is 10:55. Nearing the time when Casey is supposed to show up. He looks at the window to see any signs of her grey Honda. It never shows. There might be bad traffic down there. Ain’t gonna be surprised if she shows up late. It became 11:00 and no signs of the car.

He distracts himself with his phone. Laughing at videos and memes. He then reads a text he sent to a friend. The month on top of the phone reads 4:50. December 31 2018. The text reads. “Yo, I ain’t feeling right. I might need some company tonight. Got nobody to celebrate with this year”. It was shown as red yet no reply. Looking up his phone he see’s conversation going from cars to sports to class to Netflix and everything in between, with the times shown near the corner of the text. But looking at the last message. Been several months but still no answer. Nathan looks down with soft sad eyes. Then gives a nonchalant nod. If that’s how they play, so be it, their lost, at least I got her.

 

Nathan makes a sigh. “Whatever. No biggie my angels going to come here soon and give this place some needed light.” The time has passed at 11:30. He ask for more coffee after he’s done. When a few minutes later the coffee came, he takes a sip, slides back because of the intense heat and then proceeds to drink some gulps before putting it down, as self-punishment for his situation, even as he didn’t know it. The time passes 11:50. Traffic must be that bad today. Huh. With no sight of her as it hits 12:00, he drinks the coffee, gets up from his table and walks out the door with a frowned mouth and dour eyes. As he walks to his car. He begins to take out her phone, he goes into the contact of Casey Abrams, types in. Hey. Did anything happen today. Then promptly erase it. He gets into his car and precedes to drive off.

 

Driving aimlessly across the road. He heard nothing but the cold breeze of the AC. That was his music, for real music no longer did anything for him. Nathan takes a deep breath as a gapping whole is felt. Slowly opening up all across him. Nathans sentiment was of pure nothing. Just a numbness within his soul. Thought today was gonna be an actual good day today. Guess not. As he drives aimlessly, he stops in traffic, he looks out from the passenger side to see two people coming out of a fast food restaurant. One of them was Casey. The other was a guy. Nathan looks on with his lower mouth slightly open in shock. They stay at the front talking, laughing and nodding. What the…...I thought. Oh wait……. maybe they’re just good friends.

That interpretation was shunned when the man and Casey gave each other a small tender kiss. The traffic lights went green. The cars go. Nathan with an angry and determined face speeds up his car slightly as other cars are in front of him. Once he turns his car makes a quick turn inside the in to the restaurant in haste, nearly crashing a couple of cars on his way causing a series of honks. Nathan spots Casey and the other guy, drives past them fast as the man pushes Casey slightly back as they look on in shocked face. Nathan parks the car, nearly crashing the car attempting to leave going straight to the exit when it across it to the parking lot. Causing a loud honk when passing by another car before hitting the parking lot, uncaringly crashing his front rear at the front in the process. He gets off from the car, slamming the door, breaking the windows in the process.

 

The man positions himself in front of her.

 

“Casey!” Nathan yelled in a booming voice

 

‘I.

‘You what. Lied.’

“I.”

“She probably lied because she knew you’ll pull this type of crap.

“No one asks you.”

“Nobody ask you to drive and act all crazy. Yet here we are.”

“Samson go. Let me deal with this.”

“You know this guy?

“Yes. Now go I got this.”

“Nah. I’m staying.”

“He’s not going to hurt me; don’t worry I can handle myself. Please go.”

Samson looks sternly at Nathan, looks down then heads down to his car.”

‘See you later.” He coolly calls out.

 

Samson leaves in his car and rides to the exit. Nathan looks at Casey with intense eyes. Casey with worrying eye’s.

 

 “I……didn’t want to be rude.”

“You could’ve politely said no.”

“Well I….’

“You what. Play with me like that. I ain’t your damn toy. Do you-

“Let me talk!”

They both became silent as ongoing bye-byes look to them in a combination of confuse, interest and disgust. Then they carry on they’re way. Then her tone became quite in a silent fury.

“You really think I’m your savior huh. I can see it now, you think I’m going to be your little princess and all of your issues will disappear.

“I ain’t say that.”

“You ain’t got to say nothing. I can tell by your eyes, if you want the truth, then here it is. I love the attention. It makes me feel wanted, it makes me feel special, it makes me feel great, I love the attention he gives me. Pointing at Samson. “He makes me feel alive.”

“And what about me.”

“You aren’t got nothing for me.  You can’t help me from this.

Casey shows him her left wrist with a big black cut across it.

Nathan brings his head down slightly to look at it, brings his eyes back to her in confusion. What. What does these cuts have to do it, Can’t help from…? Oh my god.

“Yeah. I’m either doing it or I’m thinking about it.”

“I’m so sorry- “

“Save it. It’s not like you can ever help me. You can barely help yourself, getting kicked out your own home. Getting your degree taking away. If you can’t even keep that from happening. Then what the hell can you do for me.”

Nathan jaw tightened, he brings his head down in shame. Then he brings his head up.

“Let’s stop this and settle this near your car.’

“No. I don’t want anything to do with you now. Give me your phone.”

“What-

“Give me your phone.”

Nathan gives his phone. Casey types on it for a minute then gives it back to Nathan. Nathan looks at his phone, looks down the contacts and see’s that Casey’s name and number are no longer there.

“Did you delete your number from my phone.’

“No. I just turned on the secret invisibly button on your phone. Yeah I did. I never thought we would be anything but friends but now with how you acted today, I don’t even want to even be that to you. So just, forget about me, I’m definitely going to forget about you.

“But Ca- ‘

‘Bye.’

Casey walks away and heads towards her car.  Nathan attempts to go after her. She turns around.

“Don’t even try to follow me.’

“Bu-

“No. I will call the cops on your ass if you even make a move towards me.

She continues to walk towards the car. Nathan stands there and watches her drive straight towards the exist. Nathan then walks to his car. Nathan just sits there for a couple of minutes. Small tears came to his face. The dreaded silence Nathan loathes began its effect. Voices of his mother started to appear. See what you do, you’re always screwing something up, it’s no wonder you ain’t got no friends, you want to be around anybody retarded as you. I’d feel pretty bad for anybody that’s got to deal with you, especially a woman, and I’m your mom. Nathan begins to drive away all the way home, with his only friend now the dreaded silence.

 

In the late afternoon, Nathan’s empty eyes are staring at a yellow pale wall full of old cracks and moldy stains, and has been for hours. A cockroach would crawl up to it on occasions like a passerby to an empty road. Well. So much for having any relief in this life. I screwed up my chance. It’s my fault. Maybe this is the way it will be. Nathan’s eyes did nothing but stare, yet his mind did nothing but wander. Nathan. Let me tell you something. There are those who can handle themselves and those who constantly need to be hand-held. The former are the ones who are happy, the latter, well, those people are a lost cause, they might as well drop themselves into a hole, so that people don’t have to hear them cry about how no one wants to hold their hand and expect to be band aid, which I suspect is you, Nathan. His father gruff voice can be heard.

His phone rings. He slowly picks up his near battery dead phone out of his bedside. Sees his company’s phone number and precedes to pick up.

‘Hello.’

‘Hey Nathan. So I’m sure you’ve about our labor cut-down.’

“No……. I haven’t.”

“Oh…. well the companies been cutting down on labor in order to help with both efficiency and cost. Unfortunately, your one of them.

“Wait. You can’t do this.

“Yes we can.”

“But I need this job.’

“I’ve heard that before. And frankly I don’t care. It’s not my responsibly to care. Plus, you’re not that good of an employee. So you’ve lost your use a long time ago. Now have a good day.

Nathan drops his phone in shock. I can’t…………I need to pay my bills by tomorrow…………………………. I need this job…………...I have nowhere else to go……

Then Nathan expression becomes blank and he presumes staring at the wall. Succumbing to the dreadful silence. You are nothing but a mistake, ever since you were born you are one long mistake. He heard his mother said. You got your damn Bachelors taken away from your very eyes. They don’t give a crap. Then he heard the voice of a friend. Nathan, nobody invites you anywhere because well…. you’re you, and who wants to be associated with anyone like you. Then he heard the voice of Casey. You can barely help yourself, getting kicked out your own home. Getting your degree taking away. If you can’t even keep that from happening. Then what the hell can you do for me.” Nathan had these thoughts going on his mind. Including his own. “You were supposed to help me Casey. Why didn’t you help me? He was answered by another voice of the past. His father’s No one owes you anything, not me, not her, not anyone, the world doesn’t owe you anything, especially not idiots like you. Only you owe yourself.  

Nathan throws his phone at the wall, he gets up and starts punching a hole in the wall. He stops himself after a minute. He turns and stares at his dark blue flower case with a dead red rose. Only you owe yourself. Only I owe myself. Eye’s concentrating more on the water on the vase. The imagery of a dark lake appeared. Only I owe myself alright. Tonight I think I’m gonna take a walk.

 

 

 

Under the blue midnight moon, Nathan walks on the empty sidewalk under the bridge. Barely any cars came through around this time. The only noise that can be heard was the breezing air. There were no tears. There was no anger. There was no eye’s begging to be closed. There was only numbness as he walks across the bridge. He stops. He turns. He walks to the edge. He leans down. The winds sing soft solemn songs near his ears. His eyes stare down at the darkened filled lake, as if the eyes are gazing down at its own depths that it seems to stoically accept. He raises his foot and knee slightly up. As if to try and use it to lift himself up.  Guess this is it.

He brings his feet and knee down. Nathan brings his head up. Connecting his eyes towards the moon. Being in awe at its full beauty. Revealed. Naked. Still yet free. Nathan turns forward, looks around at the flickering street lights. The dust passing by aimlessly yet full of direction. Hey. It actually feels nice out here today. For the first time in his life for a while, he was at peace with the silence. In spite of all that happens. He was able to stand still with the world. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He turns forward and begins walking. He remains as empty as he felt, but it was a calming emptiness, and one Nathan is willing to accept. It seems pretty nice out here today. No traffic. No noise. No nothing. I should start walking around here more often. As he walks on the sidewalk across the street, no dreading thoughts of the past and present came in, instead, all that was accompanying him was the singing winds, the dimming lights from the headlights, and the distancing silence of the waves of the lake. Casey should come here and walk alone here sometime, I think it might make her think about her wrist less. As for me well, I just need to keep grinding. Nathan keeps walking, even with his circumstances, he was, for a brief moment at peace with the silence.

 



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