You Said

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Short Short Stories!

Short short written for the Flash Fiction 2019 contest.

Cover image is from the Flash Fiction Contest. This image is the focus of the story.

Version 2.

You Said

 

I’ve waited two weeks.  You said that you were going to stay with your sister in Hartford for the weekend.  I didn’t believe you, not after our fight.  You never knew that I followed you that morning. I watched as you boarded the train for Independence, not Hartford. 

You ruined my weekend.  I fumed.  I screamed.  I got drunk.  I waited for you to return.  I wanted you here.  I wanted to kill you.  I wanted you dead.

You said you would call.  You didn’t.  I called.  I texted.  Your cell has been dead for a week.  Your sister said you were not there.  She had not talked to you.  Who did you go to?  I reported you missing,

My anger faded to worry.  I wanted to know where you went, who you are with.  Why had you lied to me?  What had I done?  I want you back.  I cried last night in our empty bed.

Now I know. I know the unidentified man found yesterday in a car at the bottom of a ravine is you.  I just know.  And I know my last memory of you is one I hate and will never forget.


Submitted: July 04, 2019

© Copyright 2021 ratwood2. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Forrest Obzerveer

A wild take on the picture, but, unfortunately, you don't have enough words to set up every reveal. It comes across as random. A brief news report could initiate the worrying and then you could hit the note that body could be man or woman from the picture shown. It would add to the theme of jumping the gun on conclusions, before ending with the thoughts on a hate that feels liked it killed the protagonist's former lover, in a way.

Thu, July 4th, 2019 4:56pm

Author
Reply

Forrest,
Thanks for reading and providing comments. The restriction of 200 words or less didn't leave the option of the news report which would have been one way to setup the plot. I wanted to establish two parts to the theme. The jumping to conclusions was one but the other was guilt for believing the cause for the accident. So, in her own way, she believes she caused him to die.

Thu, July 4th, 2019 3:45pm

hullabaloo22

A lot said, but a lot left for the reader to fill in themselves. The relationship could be one of several, and that makes it possible to be read in quite a few different ways.

Thu, July 4th, 2019 7:16pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read and the comments. The restriction of only 200 words or less is a bear to work with. How much doesn't need to be said is a constant debate. Yes, a lot is up to the reader to fill in and there are a number of very different interpretations to be developed. I like the ambiguity of the characters.

Thu, July 4th, 2019 3:51pm

Forrest Obzerveer

Much better in this draft. It flows well and there is nothing that distracts me the penultimate conclusion. Great job!

Sat, July 6th, 2019 4:22pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reviewing again. I thought that the flow is much better also. Not easy trying to stay within the word limit and still create a plot.

Sat, July 6th, 2019 10:31am

RomanBoukreev

Probably, the best version of this flash fiction. Good luck with the participation, ratwood2.

Fri, July 19th, 2019 5:52am

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read and the comments. I enjoyed the challenge of this contest.

Fri, July 19th, 2019 4:42am

Derina Peng

Whatever the relation they were. A feeling-of-being-betrayed moment captured well.

Sun, August 4th, 2019 9:03pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading and your comment. I tried to capture the entire circle of emotions.

Mon, August 5th, 2019 7:12am

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