What's up with that

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
I enjoy comedy, I wrote a short story I could perform if I did stand up comedy.

Submitted: July 21, 2019

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Submitted: July 21, 2019

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What’s up with that?

 

I live in Hemet, California, it’s a beautiful place. Hemet is surrounded by mountains and several lakes. There are many things to do in Hemet, if you like outdoor activities. The community center and sports are appreciated. One of many cons about Hemet is access into and out of Hemet. It can take twenty to thirty minutes to leave Hemet in a car. If you want to leave Hemet walking or on a bicycle it would be a mission.

 I moved to Hemet in 2008, many things have changed since then. I started to notice many homeless and maybe mentally challenged individuals walking the streets. A buddy mentioned, it’s almost like zombies walking the streets. The walking dead, crazy.  I’m not one to judge people or fear others. I was brought up around gang members and crazy shit. Growing up in that type of environment teaches you to keep your guard up, stay alert and pay attention to your surroundings. I’m empathetic towards others, help out when possible.

Sometimes it feels like the bigger cities gather up unwanted citizens put them in a bus and ship them to Hemet. This is not a conspiracy, just my opinion. Well no offence to anyone, sometimes shit catches you off guard. This shit that catches you off guard makes you look twice and trip out, like really, what’s up with that?

Today, I saw a man in a wheelchair, a regular wheelchair. He was crossing the street in reverse. I’m not a wheelchair expert. I am a professional in experience. I can say I’m a professional in experience because, I am 42 going on 43. I’ve seen, done, made mistakes with a lot of shit. I’m not an expert, I do have experience. The transmission of the wheel chair was broken.

Like many of us in the USA who are financially challenged we own a regular manual wheelchair. Remember, back in the days, 70s though maybe late 90s car manufactures made two type of transmission. The car had an automatic transmission and manual for a lower price. The car manufactures even had AC as an option, what the fuck.

 I remember family members talking about the new car they bought. The first thing that came up in the conversation was, is it automatic and did it have AC. Most of the time the answer was, manual transmission and I can add AC when I have the money.

Some of us have loved ones too push us around. Most of the time, people have to learn how to be mobile manually. From my experience, many people on wheelchair have strong arms and torso; no leg strength. The man was pushing himself with his legs, in reverse, very fast, crossing the street.

 I had to question this activity. If a man is in a wheelchair you would think his legs are damaged. Not this guy. He was burning wheelchair rubber, in reverse, crossing the street, moving fast. I was on my way to the super market with my Google wife. I call her Google because she apparently knows everything. I’m just dial up to her, outdated and slow. My wife is always talking about shit I don’t care about. My 11-year-old daughter was in the car, pain in my ass, along with my 13-year-old son, he’s autistic.

My child has a disability, I observe and comment unusual events all the time. I’ll give you one, my son yells, “I have to go pee.” I turn, look and he’s running to the restroom with his dick in his hand. Google and I are working the penis in the hand unusual event thing. Thank God for autism, it could be worse. That’s what they all say, I guess.

As a matter of fact, my fat ass has disabilities. I can’t even run or laydown without getting up all messed up from my back. I blame it on the bed, the car seats, shit, I blame it on Trump. These days Mexicans blame everything on Trump like white folks blame everything on Obama. Speaking of Trump, so this questionable man in a wheelchair is burning rubber crossing the street. The man was in a hurry, like he’d car jacked a blind man. That’s right, blind people don’t drive. People in wheelchairs shouldn’t be pushing themselves across the street with their legs really fast.

People with strange behaviors is the norm in Hemet. People talking to themselves, sitting on the concrete under no shade in hot temperatures, walking around with one shoe. I started to notice women walking back in forth on the same block. I guess Hemet is growing up, becoming like the big cities. A whole lot of crazy shit happening everywhere.

 I know what, Hemet resembles Venice Beach, California. Venice Beach, Californian with no beach, minus the dramatically cool weather, just the crazy shit. I’ve never been to Venice Beach. I decided to take the family, check it out. We left Hemet, Sunday, 12pm, 101 degrees. We arrive to Venice Beach, 77 degrees and cloudy. I parked my car, took a moment to realized that in my past life I was a very bad person. I have to pay for my sins by living in the hell heat of the Inland Empire. The Inland empire is in Riverside, California. We are about one hour from Palm springs. Palm Springs is where Satan lives. Palm Springs had a record breaking heats of 122 degrees. That’s true, I Googled it. I didn’t ask my wife, I looked it up. They say if it’s on the internet it must be true.

Back to Venice Beach, one quick story before we get back to the guy on the wheel chair. After a two and a half-hour drive, we have to pee. My son is running around the parking lot with his dick in his hand, yelling I have to go pee. I’m just kidding, we are looking for the restrooms. We noticed two men, old ass skaters. The men’s address had to be Venice Beach, CA.

The skaters looked like they came straight out a Mad Max movie, titled “Beach Wars Skater or Die”.  The guys are skating towards each other. One skater only had one shoe; we’ll call him “One Skate”. One Skate accidently bumps into the other skater, we’ll call him “Skater Thor”. Skater Thor was tall and Blond.  Skater Thor got really aggressive. I stopped my family and stepped back for their safety. Skater Thor was yelling, cursing and swinging his board. I think there was some lighting as well. One Skate was trying to apologize, he seemed little scared and dropped his only shoe. Skater Thor, picked up the shoe and threw it on the roof of the restrooms and skated away. One Skate was sad, he lost the shoe he used to push the skate board. I gave “Mad Max- Beach Wars Skater Die” a 5-star review. The movie was intense, funny and sad. I was emotional, didn’t know if I should laugh or cry for One Skate.

 

Venice Beach was intense and refreshing. I will never go back, unless I have to see a lawyer for a million dollars inheritance. Back to the wheelchair guy, lets give him a name, “Wheelie.” My family and I get to the supermarket. One of those places where you have to bag your own shit to save money. Things got even worse in California. We have to bag our shit and provide the bags as well. What’s this country coming too? Trumps fault. We were in the market for about one and a half hours, saying “no” to our children and making sure my boy didn’t have to go pee.

We walk out of the supermarket, guess who was pan handling? Wheelie. Wheelie was on the wheelchair, sitting on one leg. I think he wanted people to think he was “One Leg Wheelie.” Wheelie tells me, “Hey, can you help me out? You know? I use to be an actor.” I replied, “No shit? What movie?” Wheelie said, “Mad Max - Beach Wars Skater Die”. At that moment a car slams the brakes in front of the super market, a man was yelling, “Hey mother fucker that’s my wheelchair. Once again, I held my family back for safety. Wheelie jumps off the wheelchair,” runs off like a bat out of hell. My son, starts yelling, “I have to go pee,” pulled out his dick, held it in his hand and ran back into the supermarket. What’s up with that? The End.  


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