Horizons of life : part I my walk through life

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
I’m all that you can dream of ! I’m the truth

Submitted: July 31, 2019

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 31, 2019






Part I : my walk through life



This tale is not like the others , a story like you never heard before.

A girl born on a day of summer , a holiday somewhere in the world , a wedding somewhere , a funeral held to say goodbye.

A girl is born , the 13th , is it luck ? Or a curse ? Both ? How can luck be a curse ?

Born into a modest family , a nice father and a smart wife , at grandma’s house , no medical attention needed , just a miracle coming out.


Three years of blur , couldn’t remember a thing about my childhood , all I have is shattered memories of briefs moments, smells, sounds that feels familiar sometimes.


Divorced when 3 , my parents wanted new chance in life, forgetting that they’ve created one.


While living or surviving , one thought in my head , have a home, 


I don’t have a purpose , I just want to live , in the eyes of everyone , I’m the girl with the ultimatum plan , I’m not that perfect girl everyone think I am.


They say I’m so smart , so talented , so bright , I think that’s the problem , I feel like I can do anything , dream about it , think of every small detail of it , plan all the steps and the ways...then , nothing, when I wake up from all my gazing into the other side of the veil , nothing seems to be doable to me , I freeze , I stop thinking about it as if I’ve never known how to do it.


Tried so many things , always wanted to be the best , not really , I don’t really care , but. I do ! I want to be wanted ,loved , respected , and yet want to be left alone, I don’t want to speak to anyone , just leave me . 


Dreamed of a job in an office , sometimes I want to be that strong business woman with all the ppt slides and strategies plans , with all the spotlights and glory , and sometimes I just want to be that small nerd of a programmer that no one notices , left alone to do what everyone think is either hacking or gaming.


I’m a girl , like no other , or like all of them!

I’m a girl in the wrong place and time , way ahead but yet so back.


In the chase of a home , I believed that wherever you feel confortable is home .

Wandered between homes of peoples pretending to care while all they think about is what did I do to be stuck with this responsibility I don’t want .


Through the years I learned not to trust open arms, as much safe they might look , once different , you are no longer welcomed and the safe arms turns into a prison , no matter how much you want to escape , you can’t.


I also learned to forgive , as a young woman now I can understand my mother living me behind, the ambition to go as far as possible from all the problemsyou  have , what she didn’t know is that she will find other problems to deal with ! The only difference is that she missed the chance to live with her first child , the taste of motherhood for the first time,all my firsts, even though I didn’t get many.


All is a blur , only some shreds of memories I have left in my head, pain , tears , the wait, tears and tears...no one ever saw.


She’s a strong child , she is the best , try to be more like her , so bright , even after all her miserable days in life she got her way...


All my wounds bleeding sweat , all my tears running smiles , all my pain shouting for help

Exhausted , not even an adult , yet I feel I have lived enough pain.


Waiting for that Thursday night for you to come and see me ! That show that I hate so much is the only thing keeping me awake.

Sneaking at midnight , afraid of my dad to find out just to get a glimpse of your love mother ! 

Waiting for that sandwich you’ll bring because I didn’t eat anything all day or maybe two days ?

You don’t know , you never knew what I had to endure to survive, or did you know ?

A blur , only some memories still in my head.

I only remember the past five years vividly , what happened to me that I refuse to remember , oh yes , the hope, the wait all for the day I will finally be home.


Running away is what I do best , don’t judge me , I cried blood before running , I grabbed hope with all my strength , but sometimes letting go is easier.


What am i now ? Still don’t know , half planet away and still looking for a home.


 Trying to get my life together again , get ahold of hope and the idea that I’m destined to be happy someday.


Can’t decide , do I still want love ? Respect ? I’m not the perfect girl they think I am.


Full of secrets , no one will ever know , the past is buried and the futur’s hiding more secrets .


Still thinking about my loss , did I make the right decision then ? Of course I think I did ! But I’m lying to myself to convince my self that I’m a good person.

Still thinking about my loss , didn’t have a choice , I wanted the world but the world failed me.


Please , don’t judge me ! No go ahead I don’t care , but ... I want to be loved , respected , I want to be the beauty , I want to be the innocence , I want to be the knowledge.


I’m nothing... I’m everything you can dream of !

I’m the pretty sea shell , all colorful and shiny , having the best view , il the sea shell...empty...broken.


I’m everything you can dream of, I’m the excitement you need ,the fuel of joy... the darkness of pain , the core of sadness


Im sorry to all of you , I deceived you , I’m not the perfect girl you think I am.


I’m strong , no one ever can take that away from me , I fought my way and survived my luck.

 I’m beautiful , I’m everything you can dream of!


© Copyright 2020 Ken Laurent. All rights reserved.

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