Eternal Beginning, The

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

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We as people are an expression of the universe's energy.

Temptation jumps at us quicker when our thoughts gravitate towards a picture painted perfect in our minds, but our hearts know that just won't be the outcome. A constant feeling of wanting to confront what seems to never leave your life for good, as if that something/someone deserves a special place in your life as a means of enhancement. The start of my mornings began with a sweet message to you notifying you of another wonderful day we get to appreciate each other's existence. We took every stepping stone of exploration in our universe one day at a time. I never felt a need nor a want to partake in any mind-altering drugs nor alcohol. The only role history played upon our initial greeting was just an explanation of what molded you into the superior goddess you've become so far. When times seemed grim, we held onto each other tight as a form of prayer promising that the battle for eternal happiness would always be conquered by our love. Feels like I've been traveling these wide roads of this journey for far too long in order to find out the reason you left the way you did. My heart has been longing for you for the past 20,000 miles as if it's awaiting your second coming.

In my darkest hour, I wrote a letter to you concerning my deepest apologies. I used to be one I'm through and I used to want to walk away from you, but there was denying my heart was bigger than Godzilla's. In the last sight of despair I have seen through your warm eyes filled with tears so much pain, I couldn't ignore the fact that all the work I've put forth towards seeing your happiness reach its full potential each and every day didn't matter to you. When I just wanted you close you managed to distance yourself as far away daily as far as the part of the ocean. Although there was no one that could've claimed my heart as best you could at the time. I am sure someone is nurturing your spirit better than I used to in the past. Last year I wrote love letters about ou every week in regards to how much I truly appreciated your well being. The timing of our breakup added to the upsetting feeling that the world just didn't love me.

Holding your hand that one cold morning filled a place in my heart and soul that was empty for far too long. Those long nights of sitting on the sidewalk at night looking up at the stars searching and praying for a chance to feel loved just s much as I actually loved others. I understand that love can be naive instead of blind. remembering the first day we met is always a pleasant feeling rather if today be good or bad. However, reminiscing can lead to deeper thoughts and feelings based on our current situation. It seems like yesterday when you approached me with the idea that you needed time and space to grow alone, but in a matter of days on your personal journey another prince, you soon called your own join. I didn't take into consideration that maybe you two we better off together, so instead I wrote on paper and e-notes a million expressions that left me gloomy. 

The confusion of feeling invaluable and alone left me looking right and then left before crossing another road to someone else's heart. My own heart which was my home felt damaged for reasons I thought only you could explain. Soe nights when I stood on a balcony looking off in the distance filled with sparkles from the city lights resembled the tears in my eyes. My friends would ask if something was wrong while I replied with fear which leads to lies to protect the emotions that ran wild across the night sky. "Could this be another trap?", is what I asked myself when another woman approached me with a heartwarming smile. Her past represented her present which also stood for eternal. The things we carry with us don't leave because that's just another chapter that built us. My hunger for justice was a wild one indeed as I couldn't sit much longer while I watched a predator grieve over something so personal that would make any of us fall to our knees. One hug at a time wouldn't erase the past, but they sure sent direct messages of comfort to assure there wasn't a monster inside of me. The past is not the past as the past is only the present. In other words, this life is eternal so let today be the day you decide to put yourself first. Still today I can't help but admit that there's so much beauty and bliss all in one when I think of your existence.

Submitted: August 08, 2019

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