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Chapter 1 (v.1) - x[to sleep perchance to dream]x

Submitted: August 14, 2019

Reads: 86

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Submitted: August 14, 2019



X[prologue/to sleep perchance to dream]x


It is all too often that I find myself awake at night, unable to sleep...a million and one thoughts filling the junk bucket that I call my relentless mind. 

There are a lot of nights when I go outside and just sit on the porch steps...in the quiet of the night.

it's easier to think amidst the silence. our neighborhood is always quiet...calm...safe.

I listen to the faint hum of summer insects singing their symphony of songs.

The low familiar soothing tone of the buzzing Neon Flamingo motel sign resonates in my ears and makes me feel light-headed and a bit dizzy. Their sign is flashing vacancy currently. I'm not surprised. There's rarely a full house at the Motel.

I'm tired….so fucking….tired. 

I lean against the side of the house, resting my neck and lower back against the coolness of the bricks. I think about everyone around me who's sound asleep and I wonder when I'll get to sleep again. I feel a little ping of jealousy in my chest as it tightens because I want to be in my bed sleeping too....like the rest of the world. 

I pull the purple lighter from my pocket and light my second Camel. 

The tip of my cigarette glows bright red and the color seems to amplify in the stillness of the night. I inhale slowly and feel smoke twisting around deep in my lungs. It burns.

 I exhale slowly, making smoke rings, watching the swirling vortex of vapors...silvery whisps... vanish above my noggin. 

My head feels light when the buzz finally comes on. It relaxes me a little. Nothing else does anymore. I could crack open my bottle of Jose Cuervo but that's usually for special occasions only. 

For some reason, I start to think about my life path and school and how I should finish getting my degree at some point. 
But at this rate, I'll be about ninety when I officially finish college and obtain my piece of paper signifying that I completed something in my life. To be perfectly honest with you (and since no one else is out here but you and me…) I haven't found anything that I want to devote my entire life to. 

I just can't picture myself doing just one thing or having one career for the next 50-60 years or however long I may have left on this planet

Maybe that's my problem. I'm a wanderer...a free spirit...a nomad. I don't like to be tied down to anything for very long. I get bored, restless, I start losing interest. But then again, doesn't almost everyone on the planet claim to have a bit of ADD these days? 

I take another drag and flick the ash onto the pavement. 

My thoughts wander to my present state. Now if you had asked me a year and a half ago if I thought I would be classified as a vigilante...or superhero or whatever name you wanna call it... I would have laughed right in your face. 

I don't even LIKE the terms vigilante or superhero. 

First of all, they just sound ridiculous to me, you're living in a fantasy f you think of yourself as a superhero…. and secondly, I'm not exactly what you would consider superhero material ok? Now let's be real here.


I'm not exactly the strongest girl in the world (I'm 5'3''...weighing in at a whopping 170 pounds and due to stupid autoimmune disorders…. I‘m a bit weak).

I don't have shit loads of money to buy armor and a batmobile... and thus far I've never gotten bitten by a radioactive insect that magically gave me superhero powers. 

But somehow...this Lil gig I've got going on seems to work. (for now, everything is working out, never rest on your laurels dear ones). 

I smash the butt of my cigarette onto the pavement and walk towards the door. Inside the house, it's nice and warm.i rub my hands together and tiptoe down the hallway and back into the bedroom. 

Mattis is sound asleep. I crawl under the blankets with him and watch his chest gently rise and fall with each passing breath. He's safe, for now. He's my Achilles heel though and that scares me. 

I stroke his hair gently and kiss his forehead. He stirs slightly and stretches pulling his warm muscular arm toward me, pulling me close to him. I like the way this feels. I like the way I feel safe when his chest is pressed up tightly against my back and our legs intertwine. The curve of my hips fit perfectly against his. His arms wrap around mine and I know I'm safe from all the craziness of this world. 

I close my eyes and I feel so comfortable. And finally, after what seems like hours...I feel my eyelids start to get heavy. I am beginning to find sleep. 

And as I fade off to somewhere called "my dreamland", I realize that even though. Mattis is so close to me...I've never felt more alone. 


© Copyright 2019 Maggie Tachman. All rights reserved.


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