Masking her falsified happiness

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ecstatic yet i stand Broken, withdrawing an separating myself from the people that surround me. Hiding disconnected, hearing only the buzzing of my phone an the vocals that amplified from my TV. Whereupon i mentally exhausted my days alone at my home. Shy an incredibly quiet with only a few friends that i held dear. Enduring emotions that sometimes pushed me over the edge. i feel so alone but why? even though i have people i feel so alone. will i ever trust again? or be happy? i feel like theres no where to turn no way of trusting an being the same again. I'm tortured suffering with PTSD, depression an anxiety an this is the truth about how that girl (me) felt completely an utterly broken, hating the world hiding behind her smile...

Submitted: August 22, 2019

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Submitted: August 22, 2019

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It was a bright sunny yet cold day of decemeber 26th , in a small island where the green grass glistened in the sun which  ablaze in a cloudless sky, seeing nothing but seagulls swooping in the air, where few people lurked the quiet streets almost making it come across like a ghost town. Here lived a 22 year old girl in a underdeveloped average size home whereupon she spent an abundance of mentally exhausting days alone, keeping herself privately withdrawn, separated from the world. A girl that was extremely shy, quiet unless she had once socialized with you before which often brightened her spirits initating her to be more open however in spite of that no one knew she could possibly be so broken.

Meanwhile this girl perch upon the edge of her sofa on this bright an breezy yet emotional day at home, staring at four walls, hearing nobody but the vocals of each cast member amplifying in the background on her TV an the buzzing of her phone when it recieve a call or message alert but that said it rarely ever made a sound as unfortunately she had very few friends. The few that for her were sadly busy today. As she dwell there seated on her sofa with awful thoughts rushing to her head, recalling every dreadful memory that she ever encounted, overanalyzing every little thing pushing her over the edge driving her to find a distraction where from there on grabbed a pencil proceeding to draw with singing vocals blaring extremely loud through headphones where the only songs played were her favourites, replaying continously unaware of where her emotions were about to take her that day.

 After a few hours had passed of what felt like forever, the body of the girl now lay dramatically sprawled out, dangling her pale scraggy arms beside her, hanging her legs of the edge of the sofa feeling the thumping of a headache pulsing through her head, the consequences from blaring her music to loud moping in agony, only to recieve a message from her bestfriend whom she treasured but regretfully an painfully had no contact with for a while until today asking if she wanted to meet for a couple which needless to say she accepted instantly.

Furthermore, as she arrive out for the night,strangers passing her in the street while a dark taunting blackness shadowed above, while the moon descended silently astray resting amoung a thousand fluorescent stars that flicker brightly followed by a light breeze swiftly blowing her hair in the wind hearing only the loud echo's of vibrations as cars passed them.Sitting there with her bestfriend, her bestfriends boyfriend an another friend at a table with nothing on her but her bag that carried her phone an purse inside drinking a glass of JD with coke whilst her friend drank wine an the others had beer, as she brought a drink one after the other making her therefore now very tipsy, staggering constantly tripping over her own feet speaking nothing but rubbish having a good laugh. As the night draw to an end, oblivous of the time, any surroundings or people orbiting her whilst her legs shake an tremble being extremely paralytic to the exent she blacked out for a short period of time. Awake but unware of any decisons or choices made, like her body stay there whilst her mind fade out into the dark blackness of her mind, only aware of the emotions that scramble her mind, as a consequence after knowingly drank more than she could handle. 

Opening her eyes suddendly just moments later confused whilst her body sense numbness, seated motionless on the beach with no memory or recollection of how she got there, feeling no more than the cold slightly dry small grains of sand trickle through the spaces of each finger, scrunching her feet where the sand wedges itself underneath the toenails, coating the bottom of your feet like butter on toast as the intoxication start to weaken her more. Staring out into empty abyss of the sea, the moon hang over her like a shiny dime glistening on a deep blue velvet carpert as tears raced down her cheeks unable hold her pain in any longer an fell to the door in a messed up heap as her gief along with every emotion poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Being a complete drunken mess now, struggling to mave any movement so she gripped her toes in the sand pulling herself up dragging her feet through the sand where she ponder towards the water continuing until her whole body stood still an motionless, wanting to end her life right where she stand, all of sudden  she started turning an without warning to see police in bright luminous jacks, abruptly running down the beach..

The next morning she woke oblivious, unware of the wherebouts of her belongings an the location she was in. Triggering her mind, causing hazy yet vague flashs of the night only leaving her disheartened as she fall behind  sprawling herself  on top of the old tatty bed that positioned up against a wall while she lay stare relentlessy above her where the disorienated memory of  standing in the water lodged in the dark blackness of her empty mind. Uncapable of opening her eyes lifting her pale hands to sheild her eyes while beams of sunlight stream through the tiny fogged window, while throwing a glance over her shoulder paying attention as a tall-ish, lanky male police officer standing face to face on the oppositite side of the cell, Completely aware now that she's stand within the walls of a confined custody cell whilst observing the officere as he unlock the cell door.


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