sick new product

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

you might think that the brain is a terrible thing to waste
if you’re anything like me
but did you hear about the most latest greatest crazy new product
from down at the Mind Wipe department?
it total revolutionises the way that you think and the way that you don’t think to be more exact
cuz If you’re anything like me in a way then I reckon you’d be sick and tired just like me in a way of all those pesky little thoughts that trouble you all the time yeah cuz ooh yeahhh I think you know what I’m talking about yea oooooh yeahhh you know what I mean its all those maudlin musins and all those niggling little thoughts that trouble you all the time they catch ya off guard and you stumble around churnin through yea you know all those little ridiculous little what ifs and my life could be so different f I wasn’t such a life sucking fucking yawning waste of thoughts from all those oh no should have and should not have lists that bubble up in ya brain and in ya life pointlessly yah oooh yeah you know all those fears and worries and ruminations and late night issues that you plow around churn on through then go on hypermoshing about your day then on those days when you’re just stuck in a loop of it all richocheting around in your discontinued thoughts your broken sentences your random words slung along in a string standing there all weak and pale and insignificant locked in a trance replaying your broken thoughts and memories and episodes of this n that trying to gain some kind of little lame ass little rickety pieces of insight just opening and closing doors up in your cerebral cortex in an endless elemental loop of broken obsessive repetitive mantras tickin shit off your do and don’t wanna do list and should have and shouldn’t have said that lists that bubble up in your brain and in your life pointlessly locked in your mantras
locked in your grid your spiraling thoughts that slam you down the spinning vortex and just go TeeHee and giggle sweetly  at your random words slung along in a string ya standing there all pale and weak and insignificant poorly structured internally screaming so loud ya start start hallucinatin start manipulatin your reality paranoid delusional broadcasting your thoughts like a poli-sci student and then you think oops what if whoever let you out of the puzzle factory is hearing this right now whilst being subject to rigorous routine thought experiments and then ya telling the nurses they’ve never met thier whole life stories
and you finally think you’ve achieved some kind of lame ass little rickety insight when all you’ve really achieved is the total utter hyperfuck of your days and weeks that turn in to your months and your decades until suddenly you’re standing there thinking something like ooooh what the fuck am I doin? They made a product for this you can buy down at your local MindWipe department these days
so I whip out my trusty product my Stop Think! In a Can! And in one or two quick sprays and I’m laughin right back to yesterday like I’m really just staring at the screen in a total fuckin trance totally hypnotized by a killer episode of this or that and it’s like you’re completely safe from all this kind of horrific shit but the minute you switch it off there they are again droppin in on ya like a team of gung-ho go go for the jugular angst commandos just rearing to fuck you up so when you’re not totally hypnotized by a killer episode of this n that and you’re not quite ready just yet for the total headfuck that you get just reach for your trusty pocket size can of this amazing new product! This is the revolutionary Stop Think! In a Can! And you’ll be bursting with this newly paid for sense of pride and confidence you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of no regrets and you will smugly go over that high jump 110% guilt free so all we need is all your deepest darkest secrets and all your credit card details and your home address and names of all your family members and it will be ok you can trust this amazing new product and you’ll be saying the big tata to all your super boring guzzling late night ruminations all ya self loathing ya pacing and hand wringing and there’ll be no more of that uncomfortable bullshit murmuring and eyebrow raising and offhand comments you hear about you behind your back u the sooner you sign up the less shit you’ll have to deal with so Stop Think! In a Can! Will have you drooling for more of this sick product & selling your kids in to white slavery to pay for it even though its only ten thousand brief credit card reaming visits for now who really gives a fuck anyway you’ll be cruising the happy skies like a feedlot full of hypnotized cattle passing through the 100 decibel coma sleep stargate because boy does this stuff deliver and there is no need to fret because Stop Think will have you locked in to Autopilot forever for just a simple innocuous cha-chings on that trusty credit card of yours yes folks I’m proud to introduce the life changing life saving Must Have Accessory of the Season you will say goodbye to all the tricky time consuming and depressing decision making and planning and pointless implementing that you’re all still scurrying around wasting your lives doing and it’s as easy as one or two quick sprays to the tonsils and it’s the last real choice you’ll ever have to make and the jobs done or questions asked without giving the remotest flying fuck can you believe that folks it’s an early retirement right here in a can it is a brain holiday in a Spritz that will have you springin around all happy and zingy and sparkly and jolly and shit and you be feeling minty fresh while ya keep doing your soulcrushing job and bringin in all the cash and you don’t even know that you’re doin it and as soon as you’ve wrapped your head around these bitchin little philosophies that spin your goard around like a killer fuckin tornado and bubble up all this deeply buried rage it’s just a Spritz or two away of StopThink! You’ll be laughin right back to yesterday and you’ll make no mistakes you’ll be able to remember and there is no point boring you with any actual informative or thought provoking information on the ingredients or anything because all that you lantern jawed choir of angels need to think about is how your life sucking fucking yawning waste of thoughts will disappear in a triumph of nowhereness never did fuck all ness never fuckin will ness in a triumph of nowhereness nothingness that will just prove the screamingly obvious this Stop Think spray will get you off that uncomfortable edge of your seat for good and that’s a proven fact! Get your teensy little twinkly toe hold in to this happiness spray that will really get you think that you’re thinkin and that you’re goin somewhere with your goin nowhere train of thoughts this Stop Think! Will have you stop thinking about everything if you sign up this month we’ll even throw in a bunch of nothing, absolutely free!! Stop Think! In a Can! This can can and will even throw in the complete and utter total erasure of all your most embarrassing regrettable scorched in the memory  early sexual encounters wiped away absolutely free with none of those thoughts left to trouble you and also guess what if you’ve never even come close to getting laid then Stop Think! Will even nuke out any embarrassing regrettable wanks of your choice and awkward early sexual encounter if you spray often enough just 2-3 times a minute and in Less than 3 minutes people will think you’re fuckin bambi’s soft toy collection curator shimmying right through it all spritz spritz forget about all the what the fuck is this what the fuck is that what the fuck fuck her fuck him fuck that fuck all this avga prime rib sucking bullshit you’ll be shining pockets sunbeams plasma rays
and won’t waste another minute of your life
no more cataclysmic nightmare carnage unbearable unstoppable thoughts barrelin down on ya like a steam train engine that's an utter complete characture of yourself but don’t get shocked trying to figure it all out right this second honey pie and don’t you give in with your amazing new product just to sleep peacefully all night and in to the next day to then sit back for the next seven months like you haven’t had another sneaky spray or two hundred already guffawing and spirallin around in
ya dreams of ya dreams of ya dreams cuz all of  a sudden I’m lookin at you and I’m lookin at me and it’s all making a lot more sense and I’m finally joining the dots and I’m lookin at me and I’m just a slobbering gawping fucking retard with sub zero impact on my own pathetic StopThink! Addled brain so I storm down to the Mind Wipe department in a tizzy and I demand something to counteract that unbearable fulminant haze of knowing unknowing that only those from down the mindwipe department would care to offer another amazing new product that will totally revolutionise the way that I think and the way that I don’t think to be more exact I’m sure there is some kind of microchip down there that we can use to fix all this delusional shit up in my MindWipe addled brain
so I storm up to the shop, dragonflies buzzing in the foliage
and I duck  in to my favourite vintage store of all time
and there it is, the perfect product gleaming on the shelf
ohhh what a surprise
but what is the price really what is the price
oh yeah what is the price
what a surprise

Submitted: November 19, 2019

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