Magical Desires

Reads: 671  | Likes: 3  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 14

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Enter into Vespiria, a world of magic and wonder. Here Katherine(Kat), a young lady of fourteen, has recently been having strange nightmares. Two too many, it seems. As in Vespiria, dreams of death come true upon the third time. Her savior, her prankster brother, Eric. Kat is awakened by a cold splash of water. From there, the adventure begins.

This is a continuation/expansion of the short story, 'Mage Desires' in my portfolio. It was an idea I had back then that I'm deciding to bring forth as a short book, I hope.

Table of Contents

Splash, wake up!


Awaken by a prank from her brother, Kat struggles with some of life's heartaches.
Read Chapter

Natural Talent


Kat has finished her shower only to be rushed by her dad to help dry Eric off from his dousing. Eric's relief comes at her gifted ability and is glad she didn't use her mother's wand--a gift of
powerful amplification Kat has yet to control. But, Kat has more gifts than just magic and Eric knows them well--blackmail and kindness.
Read Chapter

Lights and Dreams


Kat and Eric return home from the town's square, intending to inform their father of the inquiry Kat has requested of the Magus. But, the circumstances surrounding the Fountain ritual have cause
some concern for their father, Brian Magnuson. He tells them both how his magic was dwindled to almost nothing by their mother when they were younger. Kat realizes the danger she almost put Eric
in, but still has little clue to her true potential.
Read Chapter

The Unknown Power

      Chapter 4--The Unknown Power     Eric felt better by the time they had g... Read Chapter

Trouble At Umbral


Kat meets up with Miss Ali at the Umbral festival. There she learns a little bit more about the runes on the decorations. Eric gets pranked big time by his sister as the town looks on. The Magus
investigates the town's barrier. Something is wearing it down, weakening it but what he doesn't know. He gets a clue from Katherine.
Read Chapter


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Recent Comments

hullabaloo22

I really enjoyed this first chapter, especially the drying spell, and the description of Kat's robe. Convincing sibling relationship, too.

Sun, May 17th, 2020 6:47pm

Author
Reply

Yeah, I'm really working on this one as my Harry Potter type of story. Although I've got to retcon some info back into the first chapter to explain something that I've added in chapter three which I hope to post soon. Chapter two is already posted as well. Hope you carry on with it. I think it's going to be pretty good.

Sun, May 17th, 2020 1:32pm

C. J. Davis


The triple-death dream-thingy is intriguing. What causes it, what can be done to prevent it, and how often does it happen? Demographics? Frequency? Time of year? Location? Hmm...

I'm wondering how people know that the cause of death was triple-death dream-thingy. The only witness to the cause of death would be the dreamer and well... they're dead.

The Triple-Death Dream-Thingy seems like it'll be important to the story. Major theme, or just a way to introduce magic? Hmm...

One thing that sticks out to me is that Kat seems very interested in clothing and her boobs. While normally I'd tell you that you're stereotyping women, I think it actually fits for a 14yr old girl. I'd warn you though to be careful: every time I've read something by an adult man about a teenager and her boobs, it's come across as cringey. I haven't read further than chapter 1, so I don't know how you go about it going forward.

Nice start :)

Wed, June 3rd, 2020 4:11pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read, K.

I've only gotten 4 chapters into my story, so the background behind the Three dream thingy hasn't been explored 100% yet. It is mainly my jump off point for Kat's story introduction and the point of interest for the plot that is being developed. It also helps to draw the reader into the magical world my characters live in.

For the clothing, Kat has a passing interest in it, mainly due to her summer job and the spells she can acquire from the owner, Miss Ali Baba for enchanting them. As for boobs, as you so lovingly refer to them, I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned them straight out just alluded to their presence in Kat's mind as something she'd be thinking of due to her changing body. I know I didn't say it outright but goes to highlight a growth spurt she's recently had.

I tried my best not to be too centered on the topic, and I don't plan on mentioning it again as I don't wish to stereotype too much, even though I realize this type of topic does so in its own right. I'd hoped to make her a bit relatable with this for ladies her age that may read this. Sorry if it made you feel cringey, but guys know about this stuff too and single fathers must be aware of it for their daughters at some point.

Hope you read more. Chapter 2 moves on from that topic.



Wed, June 3rd, 2020 2:41pm

niah

Hi A.K. Taylor
Your writing is very good when you wrote quote
Superficial like Instant repair and never wrinkle.

I thought can I have that please I could use that kind of know how it made me laugh, by the end I felt sorry for both Katherine and her father over losing her mother I was feeling a bit emotional for them both.

That is what a story is meant to do draw one in and have them feeling what the characters are feeling so well done.

Sat, August 1st, 2020 8:42pm

Author
Reply

Hi Niah,
Thanks for the reads and the comments. "Magical Desires" is my attempt at trying the fantasy magic school genre, only a touch more grown-up which is why I chose a teen as my main. Being a guy and trying to write a young girl is a bit different and I can only draw from TV and movie media to relay some of the aspects she might go through in being female. I tried to incorporate some humor throughout and hoped to reach my readers with a little more lightheartedness in my story even with the darker tones lurking in the background.

Emotionally, I can relate on loosing a family member(one of my close cousins) so I knew what feelings to draw from on that and imagined her response with it being her mom.

Overall, this book is meant to be rather short, so I can't really dwell on a lot of super details I'd love to include so I hope it comes off as well put together despite that fact. Also, I apologize upfront as I may not post anymore chapters since I intend to try to get it published later.

Again, thanks for the reads.

Sat, August 1st, 2020 7:00pm

David whitley

Enjoyed the first chapter that was great she got him back with his own prank hilarious.

Tue, August 4th, 2020 1:17am

C. S. Spence

Great content. You introduce key characters and your magic organically, and immediately establish the familial relationships. The POV feels distant to me, almost far 3rd person. Not sure if that is your intent.

Great work!

Thu, September 24th, 2020 4:30pm

Author
Reply

Thanks a lot. I had this idea boiling in the back of my mind for a little while. It's sort of in the vein of Harry Potter overall, but hopefully I can switch up some of the aspects enough to make it register its own tone.

I'm trying my best to get Third person Omniscient mastered as my main writing POV of choice for stories similar to this(several characters) type of story. Wrong choice, maybe? I could try to shift it into Third Limited, showing the scenes from just one characters point of view to reign in the distant feeling.

I've only got five short chapters posted, so I might could re-work it. Thanks for the input.

Fri, September 25th, 2020 12:07pm

smircle

This is a good start - I like the contrasting atmospheres at the beginning: the panicked horror of the dream/nightmare vs the sibling pranks made for an interesting mixture of moods. The dynamic between them is very realistic (speaking as someone who has a brother and who has been doused in liquids other than water, thanks to him) and entertaining, so good job on capturing that.
Introducing the concept of 'magic' before the incantation was good, too; her randomly doing some spells would've come from entirely out of the blue if it hadn't been mentioned before, so the lead-in was handy.
Working the background into the narrative worked really well - especially about her mother. She still seems very caught up in whatever happened to her, and you got that in the piece.
I like the 'third person omnipresent' narrative going on - it allows for a more mature voice-over, rather than the childish one that likely would've with first person; and it suits the piece well.
Good job :)

Fri, October 23rd, 2020 11:03am

Author
Reply

Thanks, Smircle. I'm glad this story seemed to suit your readership and the analysis is quite astute. I'm sure there are a few things to work out still for the rest of the story, though. I do hope you consider reading a bit more of it later on. I love a good reader with a discerning eye and hopefully an objective one as well.

Working in realistic aspects into a fantasy piece is key to developing the characters, I believe. So I made sure to try to capture the right mix of introduction with fantasy and the added hit of a painful memory. As for the POV, I'm thinking that Third person omnipresent is rather unnecessary and can be converted to a Third Person Limited aspect, but I need someone who's a bit more adept at understanding that POV to help me fine tune it. I've only got a limited knowledge of it right now.

Again thanks for the read and the review/critique.

Fri, October 23rd, 2020 3:40pm

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