Dark Days on the Dixie Highway: Diary of a Third Shift Zombie

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is the grim chronicles of a third shift cashier, customer service superhero, and a corporate doormat.

*This tale takes place eight or nine years ago. I worked nights at The GasHole for two years, and it nearly broke me. I can't even imagine what those in the Customer Service Industry are going through now. My heart goes out to them.

Table of Contents

How to be Subhuman

Squatting outside the convenience store with his back pressed against the bricks, he hugged his knees as he stared off into the night. Hi... Read Chapter

Rat Creature

It wasn't that far into my shift I realized I was slowly turning into some species of rat creature. The commute to the gas stat... Read Chapter

I Got the Job and Touchdown Jesus Burned

  A bolt of lightning shot violently down from the heavens and razed the “King of Kings” statue. The beloved roadside attrac... Read Chapter

The Root of All Evil

  When I arrived in town, I had roughly two hundred dollars to my name, and whatever I could fit into my Ford Contour. After mon... Read Chapter

Requiem For a Bed

For two weeks, I imagined myself at the height of my madness, leaping across my room, armed with a knife, and landing bodily on my airbed... Read Chapter

Gratuitous Violence

There is something insidious about the morning rush. It starts with the invasion of headlights coming into view on the crest of a small h... Read Chapter

A Christmas Dirge

***Special Edition Christmas Chapter***
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Part One: Crappy New Year

*** Special Edition New Year's Eve Chapter ***
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The Tailbone of America: The Musical

***Not the actual musical but the inspiration for it***
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** From the chapter MAJOR MALFUNCTION **
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*** From the chapter BAD WEATHER ***
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Drink and Drink and Drink and Fight

***Special Edition Saint Patrick's Day Chapter***
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Midol, Ohio

***From the chapter THE ART OF MISDIRECTION***
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Clean Hands

*** From the chapter GERM WARFARE***
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*** Part Two of the Chapter GERM WARFARE***
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Drug Problem

*** Part Three of the Chapter GERM WARFARE***
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Bad Reasoning

***Part Four of the Chapter GERM WARFARE***
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No Call No Show

***Part Five of the chapter GERM WARFARE***
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Gas Station Zombie

*** Bonus Musical Number from the Chapter GERM WARFARE***
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Easter Fetus

***Special Edition Easter Chapter***
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“911, What's Your Emergency?”

There were a million and one things on my mind, all of which were of what I had to do that night. As always, almost everything in The Gas... Read Chapter

The Baby, The Beatdown, and the Lost Hotdog

It was that precious time of night when five minutes could pass in between cars on the highway. "Hey! You!" a customer shouted, shatterin... Read Chapter

The Drive-Off

*** With Special Edition Bonus Random Song Lyrics***
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Blood Slush

  Radiant red pooled on the counter in between the frozen mocha, French vanilla cappuccino, and the tropical punch slush machine... Read Chapter

The Customer is ALWAYS Right

A half-hour into my shift, an intoxicated woman entered the store. I could tell by the way she tottered to the beer coolers that I had se... Read Chapter

Roller Grill Restaurant

One night a customer came in, wanting me to make him a hotdog. "You can make it any way you like," he grinned and said, laying on the cha... Read Chapter

Country Crock

“Hell … Oh hell,” I grumbled. Shaking my head as a customer strolled up to the register, I abandoned my customary introduction. M... Read Chapter

Below the Belt

*** with a special bonus story***
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The only decent time to fill and clean The GasHole's cappuccino machines was Daylight Saving Time. Not the good one, mind you, that cau... Read Chapter

Night of the Twister: Part One

It was half-past midnight on a muggy summer evening when a sudden and fierce gust of wind struck the store. The storm was strong enough... Read Chapter

Night of theTwister: Part Two

  The darkened store was locked tight for the rest of the night. Safe inside my shelter of The GasHole, I looked out the expansi... Read Chapter

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service, No Shit

It was in the middle of the night when he walked into the store like he owned the place. It appeared as if he had just climbed out of t... Read Chapter

Lord of the Flies Pt. 1 & 2 & 3

It was early Saturday morning, and I didn't dare lock the beer coolers until the last second. Eight minutes remained. "Chances are, I'l... Read Chapter

The Vincent van Gogh

"If it looks like shit, clean it. If it is shit, wear gloves..." -- Me   "Goddammit!”  My screams shattered t... Read Chapter

Second-Degree Burn

It was my first night off after working nearly two weeks straight at The GasHole. Management finally found a new third shifter dumb eno... Read Chapter

Dead Ketchup

Out of all the condiments and condiment accessories that The GasHole boasted, the refillable ketchup and mustard dispensers will forever ... Read Chapter

Condiment Man

 I had a few certain customers, and some that I would rather like to forget, that had garnered special nicknames. One of which was a... Read Chapter


There was a time during my freshman year of art school that some friends and I ventured on an amphetamine-fuelled road trip deep into t... Read Chapter

Punch Drunk

    It was Saturday night / early Sunday morning when I came very close to punching a customer, or at least vaulting ov... Read Chapter

Beervalanches and Bitch Tornadoes

It was just past two in the morning when tragedy struck The GasHole. Until that point, I had wondered if my night could get any worse. It... Read Chapter

Dark Night of the Soul

"You need to lose weight." I blinked at the physician as I sat in his office, unsure of what to do or say next. I had even thought ab... Read Chapter

The Inquisition

*** With Special Edition Bonus Song lyrics: BURN, BASTARD, BURN ***
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Haunted Season

***Epilogue and Special Edition Halloween Chapter ***
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Recent Comments

Robert Helliger

A entertaining book.
The first chapter is full of quirky humour.

Sat, December 7th, 2019 8:43am

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