Nightly Mischief

Reads: 833  | Likes: 3  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 6

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

During childhood, Harold has been traumatized by events that may or may not have been hallucinatory in nature. When confronted once more by his past demons, he decides to face them head on, hoping to conquer them.

Table of Contents

Prologue

‘Harold, time for bed!‘ Harold froze, he had been dreading this moment for the past two hours now, pretending to not hear his mom... Read Chapter

1

  Harold stood on the doorstep of his old room, feeling a heavy knot in his stomach. The late afternoon sun threw long shadows f... Read Chapter

2

Harold sat in the kitchen, grasping a cup of coffee with both of his hands so hard his knuckles turned white. He had been to the store an... Read Chapter

3

  His own room! Harold could barely keep his excitement as he, his brother and his mom were standing out here, talking with thei... Read Chapter

4

Acute stress disorder, schizophrenia, catatonia, the list went on and on as the doctor summed up the list of symptoms and disorders Harol... Read Chapter

5

It was only a few minutes to midnight. All the lights in the house were turned on and Harold stood on the doorstep of his old room. Swayi... Read Chapter

6

  The jingle in his pocket kept going as Harold waited with held breath. Time passed unbearably slow, cold sweat poured from Har... Read Chapter

7

Walter stood in front of the closet, his gaze scanning the interior in hopes to catch anything out of the ordinary. What was it with this... Read Chapter

8

  Walter fell backward on the toilet as an outburst of noise exploded on the other side of the door. The sound of children yelli... Read Chapter

Epilogue

The fire was under control, with a sigh firefighter George looked at the pile of blackened rubble in front of him. The back of the house ... Read Chapter

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Recent Comments

Archia

I'm really enjoying this. I've also read the prologue and the anticipation was really well built up in it. It captured one night of what Harold experienced, yet also didn't capture the whole picture (what happens at night), which made it really gripping and making me want to know more. The unknowing of what may be in his closet, or if it's just in his heads creates a sense of unknowing and that's very suspenseful.
As well as the prologue this chapter was really good too. It gets into the details a bit more about his current situation which is helpful for forming a picture of his character and situation. It certainly seems like the short time he did spend in that bedroom caused him a lot of traumatic pain which is getting dug into again. I'm very divided right now on whether I want something to be in the closet or not. Half of me feels like there should be something there to justify his pain, and the other half of me doesn't want him to have to suffer anymore so nothing would be better. I enjoy stories that leave me wondering and guessing what will happen so it will be very interesting to see where this goes.

Mon, June 8th, 2020 1:35pm

C. S. Spence

great chapter. I like how short and to the point your writing is. But I think as you practice you will learn how and when to add more. This feels a tad like a skeleton, and you can add a bit of meat without fear of bogging down the reader.

I still see the use of filter words like "feeling/saw/etc" but not a whole lot.

The intrigue and mystery are gripping, and you have an interesting concept and its pretty well executed.

I think you could start the chapter with Harold and Walter in the room with their dying mom. There is no need for a flashback, and flashbacks are just a hassle and not as fun to read.

I'm not on Booksie as often as I used to be, but if read more, I'll start leaving in-line notes if you want some substantial feedback.

Great work!

Thu, July 23rd, 2020 4:37am

Author
Reply

Oh man, me and filler words, a weakness I am all too aware of. Earlier iteration of this work had so much filler you could mistake it for an Anime. Apparently I still left too much of it in the final version. Haha

Thanks for the feedback! You gave me some good insight as to how to improve my writing.

Fri, July 24th, 2020 2:20am

Facebook Comments

Other Content by Paul Jagar

Book / Horror

Short Story / Horror

Book / Science Fiction