I wish I never...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Taking time, looking back at past decisions.

I wish I never saw your face

I wish I never stayed in this place

 

I wish I'd never left my home, I wish I never  chose to roam.

I wish I'd just stayed in my city, worked on my career, enjoyed sitting pretty.

I wish I'd just been happy to settle, with no desire to travel or test my mettle.

Should have listened to my head and not my heart.

Should have known this would end badly from the start.

 

Perspective is bitter sweet,

Reflection is tormenting

Suddenly irrelevant, these feelings demand venting.

 

The feeling that I've wasted my time, my life 

Should have seen this coming, should have spotted the strife

Instead of making excuses, hoping for the return

I should have put out the fire, not watched it burn

I should have dug in my heels and refused to budge

Stuck to our goals, stood firm in the sludge.

 

And still, I can't decide, 

Should I now keep my true self inside?

That my thoughts, feelings and points of view

Are suddenly not worth listening to?

Or is it that my role as a 'wife' and bearer of the mental load

Make it acceptable for respect  of the partnership to  erode?

Is it reaching a pre-defined age? When they decide not to include you?

Or is it because you no longer care if they do?

 

I wish I'd read the scene better, that I'd been less trusting. But I didn't.

But I didn't do any of these things I wish.

Despite the lessons and the pain, if I had to, I'm sure I'd do it all again.

 

Maybe just a little different.

 

 

 


Submitted: May 05, 2020

© Copyright 2021 B.B Maxwell. All rights reserved.

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Comments

hullabaloo22

If only there was a way to glimpse into the future. It can't be bad though, going by your ending. Nice work!

Tue, May 5th, 2020 7:08pm

Author
Reply

Thank you! It feels to sink in and feel the regret sometimes, but I can never let it over take me for too long. But, I do believe in fully experiencing the wallow... ;)

Wed, May 6th, 2020 2:54pm

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