Divergent Dog Dialog - NaNoWriMo Writing Assignment

Reads: 244  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A Quarantine Writing Assignment for bored authors to exercise their literary muscles.

Divergent Dog Dialogs


By Alexander Guinevere Kern


(NaNoWriMo Writing Assignment During Quarantine) Just White-out your Text and start writing . . . anything. NOT seeing what you are composing helps free your imagination and your style. In my case, it did not take long for me to return to visible text . . . and the Divergent Dog Dialogs were born.  ALL of these Dogs exist and I am not telling whom they represent!





~~ “Guinevere, all men are DOGS.”  (My Beloved Son-In-Law Lee)


Damn Dear Deer Huntin’ Dog


Curled out of his Foreign


Dark Dam dark . . . exotic


Curly brown dog hair


Down to his down there.


Sparked into a Tall Dog . . . erotic.


Chased deer and Bit their flanks


Rolled in deer shit ’til he stank


Of Death of our love and overkill.


Twice bathed and a new cologne.


Just could not keep that dog at home.


Sniffing butts and dog beer gut


Bitches permitted his bare back humping


Better than MY leg! Thinks he’s somethin’.


Mad DOG.  Gun dog. Bang-bang dog.


Alpha dog ran in dog packs.  Searching for a


Runnin’ Lady Snack.  Betcha made more pups


He always left behind. Sensitive nose


Kept him on the trail. Bad dog!


Goll! What a trial HE was - that mutt.


Leash got tangled in the wiggling slut


His yowling kept the neighbors up


Listening to that dumb deer dog in rut.


With a bitch I never knew existed.


Kept his leash real short and twisted.


Mournful eyes, dirty toes, black chest


Where he kept his wormy last


Memories of his wife and kids


Curled lip, snarling up to where she lived


Snuffled through her covers ’til


She petted him into her warm shed.


Left my bed dead. Dead Deer Dear dog.


Beatin’ Cheatin’ Eatin’ Excretin’ dog!


After the deer death, we hung


That deer from the ceiling hook


Twisted off his head, shook loose


Gutted belly and pail blood splash.


Rack Twelve Point, cheering men,


Damned dog barked and off again


Pursuing Squirrels, Minks, Turkeys, Coons


Forever tracking routes to her dark room.


Illegal Lights, Valley Run, Full Dark


Never ever would they part.


Sun up afore the rooster crow


Damned Deer Dog got off the ho’


Sprinted back to the Coonie camp.


Rolled ‘round in shit and still


Coonies strank more than ever


he did.  Damn putrid


Whore lovin’


Lyin’ cryin’ denyin’ Dog.






Divergent Dog # 3



Down Damn Dog!


Doctrine of Dog Fire!


Djinn Dog - snarking barking “Tits & Ass”


Lolling lips, mean teeth, growling orders


Licking his balls and tearing up dirt.


Rubbing shit-butt green grass


Crappy ass dog.


Fire hazard, chewing power cords


Chewing his own Dog Bone


Whirling around Cur. Nipping and


Pulling out his OWN fur.  Bowl


Empty, nose sniffing, tossing for meat


Indicating meat, howling about meat


His needs. His needs! His WANTS!




A Pointer, pointing down. Down Dog Down!


Pissing on papers, pooping in my shoe


‘Cause I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to —


Flat back, dreaming rabbit legs


Tongue between his teeth


Tail drumming about . . . HIS NEEDS!








Despoiling my pillow, grrrrrrrr, bash!


Eating his own turds, mud on my chair.


I can’t take HIM anywhere!


Wimpering near the fire place -


Gazing at the wood stack.


Propped on the Fire Dogs.


Fire Dog!  Lust burning DOG.


Dervish whining, of his neglect


Chained bound dog,


Around his neck


Concrete block bound


Leaking long snout


Grunted, yanking,


Pulled the whole damn chain out!


Down Djinn Dog!


Proud of his prowess


Snorting, licking his own spit


Stumpy body, swollen belly


The Pound refused his pork belly.


I gave him away to a Butcher Queen.


‘Cause she liked his old meat lean


Blonde hunter; she was MEAN.


And she met his NEEDS.







Divergent Dog #4



Way Cool Dog.


Inner City Lanky Dawg.


Cig Smokin’ & Iron City drinkin’ Dog.


Carries a strong set of iron teeth


Up Front for snippy little lap yip dogs.


Long striding, Long-legged dog.


Meetin’ Greetin’ Alpha Man Dog.


Curly blond Hound dog. Working dog. Muscle belt dog.


Paid labor dog. Up front dog. Fast runnin’ dog.


Easy goin’ dog. Hard hat dog.  Fearsome dog


When irritated.  Going to get somewhere dog.


Knows ins and outs of the Alley Dogs.


Born to swing batta batta batta


Dog. Chain wearin’ Chain-breaking, Chain carrying


Dog.  Blue-eyed . . . dog.


Brass knuckle dog.  Big eatin’ dog.


Strolls by Hon bitches, they still lookin’ —


Brass balls dog. Down on the Low Down


Dog.  Hood dog. Good dog.


One Cool Dog.  Bowling down


Dundalk Dog.  Swearin’ snarlin’ dog.


Big. Strong. Cool-ass


Dog.  Fast Freddy Dog.




************* Dog # 5



Foreign mighty compact Dog.


First Prize show winner


Blue-ribbon royal Dog


Fast volley and squash


The competition.  Up in the air


Nose dog, scent hound, misogynistic dog.


Only the best steak. Top choice can meat.


Hot DOG.


Licking paws, Holla Dog, tail shiver


Bitch seeking - neck biting dog.


Scar mouth, sneer peer, prancing


Poppycock dog.  High Class Hound Dog.


Top Dog. Wander God. Sniffing Bitch Slit.


Humped up dog.  Half mustache little devil dog.


Well trained, Show Dog, trimmed Nails


Thinks bitches are all Tasty Treats


Set on High End hors d'oeuvre tables


For him to Sample.  Bitches float by


Maltese, Poodles, Yorkshire Terriers


Bichon Frise, Shih Zhu, Lhasa Apso


Shaking their Silky Salon Hair.


Like the wanna-be Pimp ain’t *even* there.


Top-notch, Top-knot Perky girl genes


He’s never going to get in *their* jeans.


Snob Dog.  Ego Trippin’ Dog.


Knows every trick to Con


Humans into thinking him Top Best.


Aging with the gray temples now


Bald spots & worn out ragged sweater


Dragged along no matter the weather


Smelly old balls and dried up toys


Past Tense, Past Prime, Shag dog.


Loiters by the fire, head on paws.


Hang dog eyes, matted mind.


Wonders what happened to the Time,


He was Head of his own Parade


Of One.  Limp dog. Gimp dog.


Sun-setting snot nose Dead dog.






Divergent Dog # 6



My Best Boyfriend Dog



Prince Barks-a-Lot


Norton 750 growl, wheel-chasing dog.


Some lovin’ best bud snugglin’


He walked me, leash taut -


That’s my Sir Barks-A-Lot


My ‘rents damn well hated him


And the pack of curs he ran in


Rolled ecstatic in grimy grease


Layin’ in the local asphalt road


He powered up, fast forward then


Dragging me all the way with him.


Down by the old stream dam


Lazing in the sun with me


Ears pricking at a leaf’s crackle


Galloping after ground birds


Joyous at the first tackle


Ever by my side, loved to


Take a car ride. Blue paint


From head to tail, when I painted


Afresh our small yacht. He would NOT


Leave well enough,


Swimming happily alone


In the deep Forbidden Zone.


Hot-headed dog.  Ate stuff


Not fit to eat.  Found a friend’s


Hash bowl and yeah, you guessed it!


Sat Stoned Staring . . . so wrong dog!


Never died for all he tried.


His weed fur reeked. Tongue hung out.


Yipping at insects smashed flat


All over the window dash


My Personal Dog Star


He barked truth to Power -


Deep base Bark! My blue-eyed Guard


Came without papers, free to adopt.


Slacker in Obedience School, my man


Never listened nor obeyed commands.


Wandered off, tail in the air


Roamer ‘round hood -


Wagging wi’ his chill pack.


Intense l’il joker, always digging holes


In my well mowed lawn. Forever my love.


My doggerel


Does not capture the essence of you,


Rebel dog. Best boy Dog.


And always always Gentle with me.


Met his own Top Dog by an ATV.






Dog # 7  (Second Favorite Dog)



Logger Dog



Sired by a handsome Passing Rogue


Raised by a country Lady Fair


Her new Sire fond of him.


Petted Dog. Step-dog.


Lean and hungry Dog,


Ribs showing, raw-boned,


Hard-workin’ tree rollin’ Dog.


Bright rainwater blue eyes,


Short-haired, muscle-armed


Guardian Dog. Pacing his home


At night, at every window


Still, focussed. Sniffing for Strangers


Or foolish Intruders. The Sentinel.


To the door, to the window


To the gate and the back door


Ever cautious, at attention


Eyes scanning while the


Pack slept. He rarely dozed.


Held tightly his exuberance.


Too excited by Life to rest.



And he over-loved his Bitch


And their pretty puppy Girl


He strove to protect with


Growl Bark Tear Fight Bite.


Loyal, faithful Canine


A very dear friend of mine.


Loved Dog, Family Dog.


Jealous, zealous Speed-Legged


Over-protective dog.


Drove his Lady crazy


Every night


Needing the breeding


’Til she hid in his crate, waiting


Until he left in the morning.


By 5 a.m. he was hunting, miles of


Tracking, then stalking, then


Walking again, the leaf-turning


Autumn woods grown spare.


Expansion of farmland, his


Browned Territory for seeking


Sniffing, tracking domestic herds.


Deer Ticks took him down


For years. Borrelia burgdorferi 


Left him listless in the grassy land


Slumbering in chairs.


Stiff walking, sore body


Mange-raw rashes, ear twitches -


Trained himself to go on.


Real dogs go on.




Hanging around a job site


A long and weighty concrete pipe


Bashed in his head


Broke half his bite


Cracked one eye-socket


Shattered his jaw bone.


In and out of fire pain


For years he ate mush.


Drifting on Vet meds


Snoozing by the Lady


Leaving her in peace.



He’d been a workin’ dog.


Climbed chased raced.


Sit Fetch Stay? No way!


Fell two stories down


A porch to the ground.


Broke his leg


And banged his head.


Brain damaged, limping




Several years went by


’til he was right again.


Poor bumbling, humble dog.


The Lady led around and fed


Patted, stroked him in her bed.


Vacant-eyed, he loved her


With a great and enduring love.





Friend of the cold water


Far from shore-line


He swam, dog-paddling


Too far out in the reservoir


Pretty Boy.  Brave Explorer


Until his weaker leg failed


And Drowning called him


Siren dog song, inviting him


To her Tempting Dead Domain.


“So, tired, worn out Dog,”


She said. "Lie down with me.”



Still he turned and struggled


Shore-wise. Making the sand bar


Flopped on the weeds. Dog zhausted -


Slept the sleep of the blessed.


God-saved Dog.



I adored that Dog


Who often checked


On me, to see if I was alive


When no one cared.


If I needed love or hug.


Bruised blue eyes


Stitched cheek, scar smile.


I heard with pleasure


His limping gait


Leaning to the left.


Up my cracked sidewalk


Stumbling up my steps.


Curled upon my lonely couch,


Listened with his twisted ear


Affection in his one good eye.


You, Logger Dog


So familiar and so dear.



*** (50 years old today!)  4-30-2020


****************************  First try with white text


Heart worms kill dogs. Dogs with heart worms need no treatment because they never had a heart to begin with - not even a Higher Heart. They are slow, sneaking up on the dog bowl. Their muscles slacken and their tongue drips and slops. There is no cure, or, it is too expensive. My vet said put HIM down!And I thought about it, because he was one of those greasy, mangy, skin scales flaking dawgs, the sort who follow you around, lick undesirable objects, chew on your poems and leave their skid marks in your dirty laundry. Don’t buy a big bag of food; he’ll die soon enough. Bury him in the poems he chews, because none of them were about him, anyway.


Mind you, he was never a Swipe Right dog, He peed on the door mat, and turned me into one.


He was always a tardy and lazy ass - and I have walked my share of butt-dragging canines.


Just watch their drooling teeth.A bit of old, desiccated kibble in between - eeeeeyahh.




< Meh >


A long White Dog, a real issue when you want to vacuum all of his grungy, ivory fur off your golden divan and you have to move HIM first.He won’t help you, either.


Pushing on his stubborn bum, and shoving his bony backbone - and fear the snarly bite!My red velvet pillows have all been drooled and snarfed and barfed upon, white stuffing torn out by his rotted teeth - gad I hate that dog.


All my pretty preciousssss . . . shredded to wet cotton dog-breath bits.


Do I love him more than my jewelry stash?


Do I love him more than Renaissance painting?


Do I love him more than Tirumisu?


Do I love him more than literature - especially my own?


Do I love him more than poetry?


Do I love him more than Southern France?


Do I love him more than the Trevi Fountain?


Do I love him more than Caravaggio?


Do I love him more than designer clothes? Designer shoes?


See’s Candies Chocolate?




Do I love him more than old clocks?


Do I love him more than Victorian or Art Deco anything?


Do I love him more than GOD?


Do I love him more than my Solitude?


Do I love him more than my Children or Grandchildren?


Do I love him more than my Coin Collection?


Do I love him more than my SCHRRRREEEEP?




Do I love him more than Crab Imperial?


Do I love him more than my privacy and blessed Beatitude Solitude?


Do I love him more than my statues?My FB Status?


Do I love him more than Alexander the Great?


Do I love him more than my bibelots?




God damn dog.


He’s eating my slippers!


Licking dog drool onto my delicate


Chinese silk slippers!


He’s shitting on my pity potty!


He’s gnawing on my Ego!


He’s dripping and shaking water all over my door mat!


He’s ripping up my Architectural Digests!


He’s eating my leftover vegetarian pizza and my before-evers sirloin tips and rifling through my White Granny Panties underwear drawer, chewing my potpourri sachets and shredding the gasping, cheesy, pseudo-romantic letters my ex-husband’s juvie Tramp lover wrote to him WHILE I was married to THAT dog and that’s ANOTHER dog story all together.


This particular dog, the subject of this Tail, has nothing to recommend him, except maybe he can walk ME when I am too ill to walk myself.


Don’t count on THAT.


It will take a LOT OF VODKA before I will EVER admit I love that dog.


God damn dog!



Submitted: May 08, 2020

© Copyright 2021 RexMundi555'.-. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Facebook Comments

More Humor Poems