Divergent Dog Dialog - NaNoWriMo Writing Assignment

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A Quarantine Writing Assignment for bored authors to exercise their literary muscles.

Divergent Dog Dialogs

 

By Alexander Guinevere Kern

 

(NaNoWriMo Writing Assignment During Quarantine) Just White-out your Text and start writing . . . anything. NOT seeing what you are composing helps free your imagination and your style. In my case, it did not take long for me to return to visible text . . . and the Divergent Dog Dialogs were born.  ALL of these Dogs exist and I am not telling whom they represent!

 

3-25-2020

 

 

~~ “Guinevere, all men are DOGS.”  (My Beloved Son-In-Law Lee)

 

Damn Dear Deer Huntin’ Dog

 

Curled out of his Foreign

 

Dark Dam dark . . . exotic

 

Curly brown dog hair

 

Down to his down there.

 

Sparked into a Tall Dog . . . erotic.

 

Chased deer and Bit their flanks

 

Rolled in deer shit ’til he stank

 

Of Death of our love and overkill.

 

Twice bathed and a new cologne.

 

Just could not keep that dog at home.

 

Sniffing butts and dog beer gut

 

Bitches permitted his bare back humping

 

Better than MY leg! Thinks he’s somethin’.

 

Mad DOG.  Gun dog. Bang-bang dog.

 

Alpha dog ran in dog packs.  Searching for a

 

Runnin’ Lady Snack.  Betcha made more pups

 

He always left behind. Sensitive nose

 

Kept him on the trail. Bad dog!

 

Goll! What a trial HE was - that mutt.

 

Leash got tangled in the wiggling slut

 

His yowling kept the neighbors up

 

Listening to that dumb deer dog in rut.

 

With a bitch I never knew existed.

 

Kept his leash real short and twisted.

 

Mournful eyes, dirty toes, black chest

 

Where he kept his wormy last

 

Memories of his wife and kids

 

Curled lip, snarling up to where she lived

 

Snuffled through her covers ’til

 

She petted him into her warm shed.

 

Left my bed dead. Dead Deer Dear dog.

 

Beatin’ Cheatin’ Eatin’ Excretin’ dog!

 

After the deer death, we hung

 

That deer from the ceiling hook

 

Twisted off his head, shook loose

 

Gutted belly and pail blood splash.

 

Rack Twelve Point, cheering men,

 

Damned dog barked and off again

 

Pursuing Squirrels, Minks, Turkeys, Coons

 

Forever tracking routes to her dark room.

 

Illegal Lights, Valley Run, Full Dark

 

Never ever would they part.

 

Sun up afore the rooster crow

 

Damned Deer Dog got off the ho’

 

Sprinted back to the Coonie camp.

 

Rolled ‘round in shit and still

 

Coonies strank more than ever

 

he did.  Damn putrid

 

Whore lovin’

 

Lyin’ cryin’ denyin’ Dog.

 

**********************************

 

 

 

Divergent Dog # 3

 

 

Down Damn Dog!

 

Doctrine of Dog Fire!

 

Djinn Dog - snarking barking “Tits & Ass”

 

Lolling lips, mean teeth, growling orders

 

Licking his balls and tearing up dirt.

 

Rubbing shit-butt green grass

 

Crappy ass dog.

 

Fire hazard, chewing power cords

 

Chewing his own Dog Bone

 

Whirling around Cur. Nipping and

 

Pulling out his OWN fur.  Bowl

 

Empty, nose sniffing, tossing for meat

 

Indicating meat, howling about meat

 

His needs. His needs! His WANTS!

 

Meat.   MEAT NEEDS!

 

A Pointer, pointing down. Down Dog Down!

 

Pissing on papers, pooping in my shoe

 

‘Cause I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to —

 

Flat back, dreaming rabbit legs

 

Tongue between his teeth

 

Tail drumming about . . . HIS NEEDS!

 

HIS WANTS! HIS NEEDS!

 

HIS TOYS! HIS BALLS!

 

HIS BOWL!  BIG MEAT NEEDS!

 

Despoiling my pillow, grrrrrrrr, bash!

 

Eating his own turds, mud on my chair.

 

I can’t take HIM anywhere!

 

Wimpering near the fire place -

 

Gazing at the wood stack.

 

Propped on the Fire Dogs.

 

Fire Dog!  Lust burning DOG.

 

Dervish whining, of his neglect

 

Chained bound dog,

 

Around his neck

 

Concrete block bound

 

Leaking long snout

 

Grunted, yanking,

 

Pulled the whole damn chain out!

 

Down Djinn Dog!

 

Proud of his prowess

 

Snorting, licking his own spit

 

Stumpy body, swollen belly

 

The Pound refused his pork belly.

 

I gave him away to a Butcher Queen.

 

‘Cause she liked his old meat lean

 

Blonde hunter; she was MEAN.

 

And she met his NEEDS.

 

His MEAT! MEAT NEEDS.

 

*****************************************

 

 

Divergent Dog #4

 

 

Way Cool Dog.

 

Inner City Lanky Dawg.

 

Cig Smokin’ & Iron City drinkin’ Dog.

 

Carries a strong set of iron teeth

 

Up Front for snippy little lap yip dogs.

 

Long striding, Long-legged dog.

 

Meetin’ Greetin’ Alpha Man Dog.

 

Curly blond Hound dog. Working dog. Muscle belt dog.

 

Paid labor dog. Up front dog. Fast runnin’ dog.

 

Easy goin’ dog. Hard hat dog.  Fearsome dog

 

When irritated.  Going to get somewhere dog.

 

Knows ins and outs of the Alley Dogs.

 

Born to swing batta batta batta

 

Dog. Chain wearin’ Chain-breaking, Chain carrying

 

Dog.  Blue-eyed . . . dog.

 

Brass knuckle dog.  Big eatin’ dog.

 

Strolls by Hon bitches, they still lookin’ —

 

Brass balls dog. Down on the Low Down

 

Dog.  Hood dog. Good dog.

 

One Cool Dog.  Bowling down

 

Dundalk Dog.  Swearin’ snarlin’ dog.

 

Big. Strong. Cool-ass

 

Dog.  Fast Freddy Dog.

 

 

 

************* Dog # 5

 

 

Foreign mighty compact Dog.

 

First Prize show winner

 

Blue-ribbon royal Dog

 

Fast volley and squash

 

The competition.  Up in the air

 

Nose dog, scent hound, misogynistic dog.

 

Only the best steak. Top choice can meat.

 

Hot DOG.

 

Licking paws, Holla Dog, tail shiver

 

Bitch seeking - neck biting dog.

 

Scar mouth, sneer peer, prancing

 

Poppycock dog.  High Class Hound Dog.

 

Top Dog. Wander God. Sniffing Bitch Slit.

 

Humped up dog.  Half mustache little devil dog.

 

Well trained, Show Dog, trimmed Nails

 

Thinks bitches are all Tasty Treats

 

Set on High End hors d'oeuvre tables

 

For him to Sample.  Bitches float by

 

Maltese, Poodles, Yorkshire Terriers

 

Bichon Frise, Shih Zhu, Lhasa Apso

 

Shaking their Silky Salon Hair.

 

Like the wanna-be Pimp ain’t *even* there.

 

Top-notch, Top-knot Perky girl genes

 

He’s never going to get in *their* jeans.

 

Snob Dog.  Ego Trippin’ Dog.

 

Knows every trick to Con

 

Humans into thinking him Top Best.

 

Aging with the gray temples now

 

Bald spots & worn out ragged sweater

 

Dragged along no matter the weather

 

Smelly old balls and dried up toys

 

Past Tense, Past Prime, Shag dog.

 

Loiters by the fire, head on paws.

 

Hang dog eyes, matted mind.

 

Wonders what happened to the Time,

 

He was Head of his own Parade

 

Of One.  Limp dog. Gimp dog.

 

Sun-setting snot nose Dead dog.

 

 

 

****************

 

Divergent Dog # 6

 

 

My Best Boyfriend Dog

 

 

Prince Barks-a-Lot

 

Norton 750 growl, wheel-chasing dog.

 

Some lovin’ best bud snugglin’

 

He walked me, leash taut -

 

That’s my Sir Barks-A-Lot

 

My ‘rents damn well hated him

 

And the pack of curs he ran in

 

Rolled ecstatic in grimy grease

 

Layin’ in the local asphalt road

 

He powered up, fast forward then

 

Dragging me all the way with him.

 

Down by the old stream dam

 

Lazing in the sun with me

 

Ears pricking at a leaf’s crackle

 

Galloping after ground birds

 

Joyous at the first tackle

 

Ever by my side, loved to

 

Take a car ride. Blue paint

 

From head to tail, when I painted

 

Afresh our small yacht. He would NOT

 

Leave well enough,

 

Swimming happily alone

 

In the deep Forbidden Zone.

 

Hot-headed dog.  Ate stuff

 

Not fit to eat.  Found a friend’s

 

Hash bowl and yeah, you guessed it!

 

Sat Stoned Staring . . . so wrong dog!

 

Never died for all he tried.

 

His weed fur reeked. Tongue hung out.

 

Yipping at insects smashed flat

 

All over the window dash

 

My Personal Dog Star

 

He barked truth to Power -

 

Deep base Bark! My blue-eyed Guard

 

Came without papers, free to adopt.

 

Slacker in Obedience School, my man

 

Never listened nor obeyed commands.

 

Wandered off, tail in the air

 

Roamer ‘round hood -

 

Wagging wi’ his chill pack.

 

Intense l’il joker, always digging holes

 

In my well mowed lawn. Forever my love.

 

My doggerel

 

Does not capture the essence of you,

 

Rebel dog. Best boy Dog.

 

And always always Gentle with me.

 

Met his own Top Dog by an ATV.

 

 

*****************************************

 

 

Dog # 7  (Second Favorite Dog)

 

 

Logger Dog

 

 

Sired by a handsome Passing Rogue

 

Raised by a country Lady Fair

 

Her new Sire fond of him.

 

Petted Dog. Step-dog.

 

Lean and hungry Dog,

 

Ribs showing, raw-boned,

 

Hard-workin’ tree rollin’ Dog.

 

Bright rainwater blue eyes,

 

Short-haired, muscle-armed

 

Guardian Dog. Pacing his home

 

At night, at every window

 

Still, focussed. Sniffing for Strangers

 

Or foolish Intruders. The Sentinel.

 

To the door, to the window

 

To the gate and the back door

 

Ever cautious, at attention

 

Eyes scanning while the

 

Pack slept. He rarely dozed.

 

Held tightly his exuberance.

 

Too excited by Life to rest.

 

 

And he over-loved his Bitch

 

And their pretty puppy Girl

 

He strove to protect with

 

Growl Bark Tear Fight Bite.

 

Loyal, faithful Canine

 

A very dear friend of mine.

 

Loved Dog, Family Dog.

 

Jealous, zealous Speed-Legged

 

Over-protective dog.

 

Drove his Lady crazy

 

Every night

 

Needing the breeding

 

’Til she hid in his crate, waiting

 

Until he left in the morning.

 

By 5 a.m. he was hunting, miles of

 

Tracking, then stalking, then

 

Walking again, the leaf-turning

 

Autumn woods grown spare.

 

Expansion of farmland, his

 

Browned Territory for seeking

 

Sniffing, tracking domestic herds.

 

Deer Ticks took him down

 

For years. Borrelia burgdorferi 

 

Left him listless in the grassy land

 

Slumbering in chairs.

 

Stiff walking, sore body

 

Mange-raw rashes, ear twitches -

 

Trained himself to go on.

 

Real dogs go on.

 

 

 

Hanging around a job site

 

A long and weighty concrete pipe

 

Bashed in his head

 

Broke half his bite

 

Cracked one eye-socket

 

Shattered his jaw bone.

 

In and out of fire pain

 

For years he ate mush.

 

Drifting on Vet meds

 

Snoozing by the Lady

 

Leaving her in peace.

 

 

He’d been a workin’ dog.

 

Climbed chased raced.

 

Sit Fetch Stay? No way!

 

Fell two stories down

 

A porch to the ground.

 

Broke his leg

 

And banged his head.

 

Brain damaged, limping

 

Half-dead.

 

Several years went by

 

’til he was right again.

 

Poor bumbling, humble dog.

 

The Lady led around and fed

 

Patted, stroked him in her bed.

 

Vacant-eyed, he loved her

 

With a great and enduring love.

 

 

 

 

Friend of the cold water

 

Far from shore-line

 

He swam, dog-paddling

 

Too far out in the reservoir

 

Pretty Boy.  Brave Explorer

 

Until his weaker leg failed

 

And Drowning called him

 

Siren dog song, inviting him

 

To her Tempting Dead Domain.

 

“So, tired, worn out Dog,”

 

She said. "Lie down with me.”

 

 

Still he turned and struggled

 

Shore-wise. Making the sand bar

 

Flopped on the weeds. Dog zhausted -

 

Slept the sleep of the blessed.

 

God-saved Dog.

 

 

I adored that Dog

 

Who often checked

 

On me, to see if I was alive

 

When no one cared.

 

If I needed love or hug.

 

Bruised blue eyes

 

Stitched cheek, scar smile.

 

I heard with pleasure

 

His limping gait

 

Leaning to the left.

 

Up my cracked sidewalk

 

Stumbling up my steps.

 

Curled upon my lonely couch,

 

Listened with his twisted ear

 

Affection in his one good eye.

 

You, Logger Dog

 

So familiar and so dear.

 

 

*** (50 years old today!)  4-30-2020

 

****************************  First try with white text

 

Heart worms kill dogs. Dogs with heart worms need no treatment because they never had a heart to begin with - not even a Higher Heart. They are slow, sneaking up on the dog bowl. Their muscles slacken and their tongue drips and slops. There is no cure, or, it is too expensive. My vet said put HIM down!And I thought about it, because he was one of those greasy, mangy, skin scales flaking dawgs, the sort who follow you around, lick undesirable objects, chew on your poems and leave their skid marks in your dirty laundry. Don’t buy a big bag of food; he’ll die soon enough. Bury him in the poems he chews, because none of them were about him, anyway.

 

Mind you, he was never a Swipe Right dog, He peed on the door mat, and turned me into one.

 

He was always a tardy and lazy ass - and I have walked my share of butt-dragging canines.

 

Just watch their drooling teeth.A bit of old, desiccated kibble in between - eeeeeyahh.

 

Naasteh.

 

< Meh >

 

A long White Dog, a real issue when you want to vacuum all of his grungy, ivory fur off your golden divan and you have to move HIM first.He won’t help you, either.

 

Pushing on his stubborn bum, and shoving his bony backbone - and fear the snarly bite!My red velvet pillows have all been drooled and snarfed and barfed upon, white stuffing torn out by his rotted teeth - gad I hate that dog.

 

All my pretty preciousssss . . . shredded to wet cotton dog-breath bits.

 

Do I love him more than my jewelry stash?

 

Do I love him more than Renaissance painting?

 

Do I love him more than Tirumisu?

 

Do I love him more than literature - especially my own?

 

Do I love him more than poetry?

 

Do I love him more than Southern France?

 

Do I love him more than the Trevi Fountain?

 

Do I love him more than Caravaggio?

 

Do I love him more than designer clothes? Designer shoes?

 

See’s Candies Chocolate?

 

DaFug?

 

Do I love him more than old clocks?

 

Do I love him more than Victorian or Art Deco anything?

 

Do I love him more than GOD?

 

Do I love him more than my Solitude?

 

Do I love him more than my Children or Grandchildren?

 

Do I love him more than my Coin Collection?

 

Do I love him more than my SCHRRRREEEEP?

 

WTAF?

 

Do I love him more than Crab Imperial?

 

Do I love him more than my privacy and blessed Beatitude Solitude?

 

Do I love him more than my statues?My FB Status?

 

Do I love him more than Alexander the Great?

 

Do I love him more than my bibelots?

 

Seriously?

 

God damn dog.

 

He’s eating my slippers!

 

Licking dog drool onto my delicate

 

Chinese silk slippers!

 

He’s shitting on my pity potty!

 

He’s gnawing on my Ego!

 

He’s dripping and shaking water all over my door mat!

 

He’s ripping up my Architectural Digests!

 

He’s eating my leftover vegetarian pizza and my before-evers sirloin tips and rifling through my White Granny Panties underwear drawer, chewing my potpourri sachets and shredding the gasping, cheesy, pseudo-romantic letters my ex-husband’s juvie Tramp lover wrote to him WHILE I was married to THAT dog and that’s ANOTHER dog story all together.

 

This particular dog, the subject of this Tail, has nothing to recommend him, except maybe he can walk ME when I am too ill to walk myself.

 

Don’t count on THAT.

 

It will take a LOT OF VODKA before I will EVER admit I love that dog.

 

God damn dog!

 

 


Submitted: May 08, 2020

© Copyright 2021 RexMundi555'.-. All rights reserved.

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