When Antonia Lost God

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

A short, contemplative piece I wrote for my birthday last month.
Picture credits: Pixabay

Like lightning breaking September’s warm sky, or a ship losing itself to a storm, the moment came when she could not feel His presence.

And as shock turned into denial, she looked for God everywhere she could think of, from the whispering creek to the wings of a firefly and in between the veins of leaves. But she couldn't deny she had a thirst for things that could be felt with all of her being.

The world was infinite, and she was small, and small things were cursed to feel alone. Yet she knew she was not, because out there was a home for her, and nothing made sense if there wasn’t; matters of the heart would crumble and fall apart.

So she continued to wear the shoes that had become ill-fitting, and she remembered the words, but reading the Passion no longer set her heart aflame. That drift came to a halt when the truth she was looking for knocked on her door, or rather, it became painfully clear like the sun shining right above her eyes.

She had spent years looking for a community, a family who could take her in, understand her, and help nurse her wounds, but when it didn’t come from their mouths, she could read it in their eyes and see it on their face: the place she had wanted so badly wanted nothing to do with her.

Antonia had also rejected them from her heart. Who were they to parade the truth and dangle heaven from a stick? If life had taught her anything, it was that no one could save her but herself. She was the poison and antidote.

The sun that had taunted her illuminated a bridge. That bridge led to a path and a truth whose footsteps she could follow. She did not know at that moment, but she was walking to her freedom.

If God wanted her, He knew where to find her. Her life was just beginning, everything before was a pretense. After all, she was only nineteen.


Submitted: May 10, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Christy Writes. All rights reserved.

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Comments

hullabaloo22

So very well written, Christy.

Sun, May 10th, 2020 6:52pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, Hully.

Sun, May 10th, 2020 12:04pm

Melancholic Wisdom

Hm, this is quite the interesting story. I feel like this is describing someone becoming disillusioned with religion and leaving it behind, which is given more weight to me by the final paragraph. Though it also seems like someone feeling as though religion/God is holding them back, and walking that bridge towards freedom means taking back control of your life. Those are the two things that came to mind for me. Really interesting story, Christy, I love it!

Mon, May 11th, 2020 4:54am

Author
Reply

I wrote with while thinking about my disillusionment with the church. Religion used to be, and might still be, a big part of my life, but I've felt disconnected from the community to the point that I don't know if I still want to identify with it. I'm so glad you liked this little story, it means a lot.

Tue, May 12th, 2020 1:02pm

Jeff Bezaire

Such true and wise words: we are the poison and the antidote.
I think this is an elegantly illustrated piece - you express yourself well without getting riled up. You already know my feelings on the subject, and it's hard for me not to get riled up about it. But you capture a maturity and optimism in your words that is beautiful.
I'm curious why you chose the name Antonia?

Mon, May 11th, 2020 7:52pm

Author
Reply

I don't know if I can get riled up. This was more about my disappointment in the church, and that had been on my mind for enough time for me to make peace with it.
The name Antonia was inspired by Saint Anthony of Padua, the patron saint of lost things. :) Thank you for reading, Jeff!

Tue, May 12th, 2020 1:08pm

Sharief Hendricks

Hi Christy...I'm new to Booksie....just wanted to check out your story as I loved the name...but I soon fell in love with your journey...really good little piece...
well done...!!!

Wed, May 20th, 2020 6:14pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Thu, May 21st, 2020 4:32pm

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