So, I have Superpowers now what?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A fun and honest interview between the narrator and a hero nobody with superpowers living in the real world.

So, I have Superpowers, now what?

 

By

Sharief Hendricks

 

“There you go, all done washing my car at home.”

So, what is so special about that, people wash their cars at home all the time.

"Ok fair enough, but how many of them can wash the undercarriage of their cars?"

The undercarriage?

"Yes, the actual underside of the car, and no, I didn't lay on my back and used a broom."

How did you achieve that?

“Exactly, that’s the question you need to ask, well I simply lifted it with my left hand at the front grill to the height of my extended arm and I stood upright using the hosepipe to clean the bottom of the car.”

“Ok so you probably guessed it by now, I’m strong, like really strong.”

“I can do things that normal people can't, for example, I can jump high, I mean like three stories high. I kind of get a danger-sense when I am in danger, I said kind of, because I have not tested it properly yet, in case it doesn’t actually work you know. I don’t want to put myself in unnecessary danger. Also, not that I am a coward, I just don’t know if I have healing powers like Logan.”

“It happened twice, once when I mis stepped coming down a flight of stairs and once while texting, I crossed Bree Street and didn't watch where I was going, and a Minibus Taxi nearly hit me.”

So how does the danger-sense work, kind of?

“Well I’m not exactly sure what you asking me, but I guess you want to know if I get like a “Spidey-Sense” and I suppose the answer is yes, kind of.”

“Well mine is a bit embarrassing but anyway here goes. I get a tingling sensation first, followed by a sharp pinch in my left testicle.”

“Funny you must think, well not for me. You try pinching your left nut with an eyelash tweezer. Then we will see how funny it is, especially if you do not have superhero balls. So, anyway, when that happens and I get that unmistakable nut cramp sting then I stop dead in my tracks, and that’s how it well, saved my life, kind of. The Minibus taxi mirror did get me on the elbow though, now that is funny, get it, because your elbow is also called a funny bone. I guess it's not funny if you must ask, get it. So here I am, all strong and can jump high with kind of a danger-sense.”

So, what do you call yourself?

“Another good question. You see, having superpowers in the “real world”does not make having a name so important. Let me see, ok there was the time I wanted to call myself Mr Muscle, then I realised that name was already taken and so was Mr Min. There was the time I was sure I found the perfect name. Powerfuller! Wow now that I say it out loud, it sounds even worse than it did six years ago when it all started. I got slight electrocution on my head with the cord of the lawnmower as it had a cut in it that exposed a livewire as I was scratching my head."

Do you have electricity powers?

“Knew that one was coming, Nope I don’t.”

Pity, Livewire would have been a cool name.

"After trying to come up with a cool and unique superhero name for half a decade I just gave up, but I have a new respect for Stan Lee, the old guy just burped out cool superhero names as if he was getting paid for it, wait a minute he was."

What do you do for fun?

Well, at least there I can relate to a superhero, because they are mostly loners, geeks, or nerds with low self-esteem, right. So, I like to play tv games and nap. I nap a lot.

So, what have you done with your superpowers so far to benefit humanity?

"Nothing. But I wanted too for the first five years, but again living in the real world, you do not have a villain or villains to fight, like a nemesis, that you get to test yourself against. Also, I do not live near any banks, or dams, electricity plants or anything major for that matter where if something went wrong, I would be able to get to it in time to save the day. Nope. Maybe if I could fly, I would be able to get to a disaster in time to rescue someone.”

Ok, let me rephrase the question, what are the most common dangerous things that happen in South Africa?

“Easy, car hijackings and cash in transit robberies.”

“Again, if I knew when it was going to occur, I was going to apprehend the robbers and hijackers and save the victims, again, this is the real world. The earliest I hear about it is when it plays on eNCA News and some days I read about it on my non-superhero tablet on News24.”

So basically, you have not done anything with your superpowers at all?

“Yip.”

Did you ever consider causing something, like a fire or accident, so you can use your powers to save the day?

"Yip, didn't work, because u guessed it, I live in a real-world and the real world has this thing called CCTV, clearly I’m not Mr Invisible.”

So, did you ever consider perhaps stalking the seedy dangerous underbelly of Johannesburg at night, where there is bound to be some criminal activity?

“I did.”

Ok, and?

“The truth?”

Yes, please.

“I’m afraid of walking around in Johannesburg at night, always have been.”

So, if you had to describe the life of a superhero in the real world in one word, what would it be?

“Bored”

Costume, surely you must have tried and even made a few?

"Yip doesn't work in the real world. Firstly, I have a day job. Wearing an entire second set of clothes under your work clothes, just not practical. Secondly, I tested it and pretended I chased after a villain and ripped off my work clothes to reveal my super-suit.”

And?

“You guessed it, nope, didn’t work. Quit trying when a video went viral of an idiot in a blue shiny tight suit with underwear lines sticking out and penis bobbing from side to side, running at full tilt, while carrying a yellow Shoprite plastic bag filled with his work clothes.

So, what would you say is the toughest part of having superpowers in the real world?

“Well for me at least, it would be to not forget that I do have, then do something that will attract attention to myself. I forgot to mention I am a bit on the shy side.”

Wow, I never thought in my life interviewing someone with superhuman powers would be such a let-down.

“I never thought in my wildest dreams and I had a few wild ones believe me, that having Superpowers would be so unrewarding and excitement less.”

Maybe you should have been born in the Superhero universe. Having Superpowers does not necessarily make you a Superhero...sadly.

“Maybe.”

“Thank you, narrator, I feel better already. I guess speaking to someone does help.”

So, what is next for you?

“Well as soon as you leave, I’m gonna un-pause my Fortnight game and then probably have a nap.”

 

The End

 


Submitted: June 12, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Sharief Hendricks. All rights reserved.

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hullabaloo22

This was a very entertaining read, especially when it came to discussing the names.

Fri, June 12th, 2020 7:43pm

Author
Reply

Thanx sooooo much Hullabaloo22

I had my fingers crossed on this one...wanted to change things up ...and at same time give a different perspective on the "Superhero"

Thank you for the kind comment...

Fri, June 12th, 2020 1:49pm

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