Why I Wear A Mask At Work

Reads: 314  | Likes: 22  | Shelves: 14  | Comments: 14

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Featured Review on this writing by Byul

“Everyone should just wear a damn mask.”–Senator Marco Rubio (R-Fla)

Lately, wearing masks has been a hotly debated topic.  Epidemiologists say it’s the most effective way to combat the spread of Covid-19.  Others say, “Mask? I don’t need no stinking mask.”  I just chuckle.  I’ve been wearing a mask at work for years.  Doesn’t bother me at all.
 
It started when I became a professional wrestler.  Vince McMahon said, “Serge, WWE is a family oriented show.  I can’t have parents complaining about their children crying every time they see your ugly mug on TV.”
 
So, I got a really cool mask.  Blue, with red flames.  I was Flamethrower Guy.  My homemade flamethrower spit fire into the air, over the heads of the fans, as I made my way to the ring.  I built it out of a barbeque grill and the tailpipe from a 1971 Ford Pinto.
 
Everything was going great, until one Monday night, when Triple H picked me up and threw me over the top rope.  I landed on the announcer’s desk, on top of Jerry “The King” Lawler’s crown.  The fractured vertebrae healed in a few months.  But the doctor told me, “Serge, it’s too dangerous.  I can’t clear you to return to the ring.  No more wrestling for you.”
 
You can’t keep a good man down. Not a chance.  When Serge Wlodarski falls off of his tricycle, he gets right back on.
 
Now, I’m in the financial sector.  I work for myself.  No more bosses.  I’m a cash procurement specialist.  I work when I want, where I want.
 
On work days, I shower, shave, and eat a bowl of Quaker oatmeal for breakfast.  I select a three piece suit from the closet.  I grab the briefcase and check my tie in the mirror.  The knot has to be a perfect triangle.  I don the mask, and head out the apartment door.
 
I take the subway downtown, walk through the office door, up to the first available teller.  I hand them a note that says, “This is a robbery.  I have a gun.  Put all your money in the briefcase.  Leave out the dye packs.”
 
Moments later, I’m on a crowded sidewalk.  These days I blend right in.  I gotta say, robbing banks is super duper easy when everyone is wearing a mask.


Submitted: June 27, 2020

© Copyright 2020 Serge Wlodarski. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

Criss Sole

Having to wear a mask certainly came in handy!
No one would even think twice if someone came into the bank all covered up like that nowadays.
Very creative and funny, got a good chuckle out of me.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 11:38am

Author
Reply

Thanks. I'd leave a longer reply but I gotta run. Need to go to the bank and make a withdrawal.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 4:50am

Derina Penn

Haha! That is handy. We have to wear masks at work too. We gotten learn how to smile with eyes.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 1:00pm

Author
Reply

In real life, I worked as a Registered Nurse for 10 years. So I actually have worn a mask at work. That was back when the AIDS crisis hit. Scary enough, but nothing like what's happening now. Thanks for reading.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 7:53am

88 fingers

It's easier to be on a laptop and break into accounts and with a little tech know how, just shift money through several dummy accounts. You can work from home in your jammies.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 1:01pm

Author
Reply

Great advice! That's why I publish on Booksie, for helpful career hints like that.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 7:45am

Sharief Hendricks

Hahaha...nice one Serge...

That thought of a career change has been on my mind too....

Loved it !!!

Sat, June 27th, 2020 1:34pm

Author
Reply

If you're gonna use my idea I want a commission. How about 10 percent? I think that's reasonable. Let me know... Thanks for reading.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 7:58am

hullabaloo22

'A cash procurement specialist' - a great way of putting it. Nice one, Serge.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 6:42pm

Author
Reply

If that's not a real thing it should be be. Thanks.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 3:40pm

Joe Stuart

Good story, Serge. It had occurred to me that these are times when bad guys can walk the streets in masks and nobody would think twice about it--until one of the bad guys says, 'Gimme yer money,' or words to that effect. I like the description that you gave of the bad guy's profession: a cash procurement specialist.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 9:14pm

Author
Reply

Unfortunately, with the massive unemployment we're seeing, that becomes more likely every day. Thanks for reading.

Sat, June 27th, 2020 3:43pm

tom mcmullen

Funny story Serge, but where I am you're luck to find a bank!

Sun, June 28th, 2020 9:18am

Author
Reply

Yeah, if people keep up with this online banking, I'm gonna have to find a new job. Thanks for reading.

Sun, June 28th, 2020 4:57am

niah

You know Serge I can't tell you what I enjoyed more your story or your answers to the comments both had me laughing out loud.

Mon, June 29th, 2020 6:23am

Author
Reply

The principal always told me sarcasm would get me nowhere before he sent me to the PE coach for another asswhooping. Thankfully I never grew out of it. Thanks for reading.

Mon, June 29th, 2020 2:30am

Leslie P. Garcia

This cracked me up, Serge. Think I could be a cash procurement specialist? I've got a neat getaway vehicle--a four wheeled walker. Continued success with your writing, and thanks for checking out An Unaccepted Ride.

Sun, July 5th, 2020 4:47pm

Author
Reply

Yes! My latest book, How To Become A Cash Procurement Specialist In 21 Days is available on Amazon.

Sun, July 5th, 2020 11:17am

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn

An absolute hilarious reality of the down side of everyone being asked (forced via Police State requirements?) to wear a mask ... Not only does it make it difficult for people (even those who think they know you) to identify you, but it makes it easier for you to be carted off by the authorities (not knocking decent law enforcement here) who are also decorated in identity concealing masks ... There is clearly more to this wear a mask agenda than just a virus being sold as a Pandemic, and those who are able to grasp this all too true reality will endeavor to keep their eyes wide open to any and all potential threats ...

Loved it!

Sat, July 25th, 2020 1:46pm

Author
Reply

America is a treasure trove of story ideas. They almost write themselves.

Sat, July 25th, 2020 10:18am

Byul

Great story! Definitely made me smile! Your creativity is beyond major! I love it!

Sun, August 9th, 2020 1:34pm

Author
Reply

Thanks!

Mon, August 10th, 2020 8:06am

Penetentman

You know, you wanna rob a bank, but there is just no original ideas anymore. One robber wears a mask! Then we all have too! I think ill be the first to robber with a blindfold!

Sun, August 16th, 2020 12:58am

Author
Reply

I'm always on the lookout for new ways to beat the system but sometimes it's best to go old school.

Sun, August 16th, 2020 1:29pm

Craig Davison

That's pretty funny, Serge. Good story.

Tue, October 20th, 2020 9:37pm

Author
Reply

Thanks. Gotta get something out of the current situation.

Wed, October 21st, 2020 4:23am

D. Thurmond aka JEF

LOL! A fun read.

Tue, November 3rd, 2020 10:24pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading.

Tue, November 3rd, 2020 3:07pm

Other Content by Serge Wlodarski

Short Story / Action and Adventure

Short Story / Humor

Short Story / Humor