Bear Poo, not Pooh Bear

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Children Stories  |  House: Booksie Classic

Just a silly story about an unpopular subject; well, among adults anyway.

I've been giving a great deal of time, lately, to things people say in response to a question.

Why I'm doing so much thinking about things like this is due, primarily, to the fact that I'm retired and have nothing better to do.

I suppose I could go fishing, and I do love the calming effect of the fishing experience, but I hate the after affect of the fish cleaning process. It spoils the whole thing.

 

Now where was I? --- Oh yes, things people say in response to a question.

One particular saying is about what Bears do in the woods, you may have heard it. But I'll elaborate with an example.

 

One guy says to another, "Do you like coffee?" And instead of saying Yes, the other guy says, "Do Bears Shit in the woods?"

 

Well, it was this saying that brought me to the idea of writing this story, so here it goes.

 

***

 

One spring's day a large brown-bear was standing in a clearing, very near some trees and berry bushes, and he was munching on something yummy.

Moments later a black-bear came along and asked, "What are you Eating?"

The Brown-bear stated, "It doesn't matter what I was eat-in cause it is all gone now, anyway."

"Oh is that so?" replied the Black-bear, "well for your information I was just trying to make conversation. I already knew what you were eating because there is Poo behind you; Gooey-Poo to be exact! And every bears know that Gooey-Poo means someone was eating Mush-berries, Honey, and Green-Apples.

So here is a new question, "Where did you get the apples to Poop the Gooey-Poo? Apple trees don't grow in the woods."

The Brown-bear laughed a thunderous laugh, and then said, "The Apple Trees is ah secret and they is gonna stay a secret. In other words, I don't gotta tell you nothin. So go away!"

The Black-bear replied, "Did you know that, I don't gotta tell you nothin mean you gotta tell me something, so where's the apple trees?"

The Brown-bear looked puzzled by the reply, as puzzled as a bear can look, then he said, "I don't know what you're talk-in about, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you about my secret trees. You'd just go eat all the apples and I'd have none left for me!"

The Black-bear looked somewhat sad, then confessed by saying, "There are three kinds of Poo that the bear Poop. There is pebble-poo, then there is just plain old Poo, and then there is Gooey-Poo."

The Brown-bear interrupted by saying, "Really, I can't believe we're discussing Poop!"

"I'm just saying," said the Black-bear, "a bear needs a few apples now and then. I know where to get the Honey, and I know where to get the Munch-berries, but I need the Apples to produce the right affect, Gooey-Poo."

Then the Brown-bear growled a terrifying Growl at the Black-bear. --- Meaning, "Go away!"

So the Black-bear wandered off in one direction, and the

Brown-bear went off in another.

***

Two days passed and the Brown-bear woke up feeling very hungry, hungry for Green-Apples. So off he went, heading for his secret stash of Apple Trees.

He soon arrived at the People-house that was at the edge of the Woods, and close by the river. And between the house and the river were some Apple Trees that the People in the house had planted.

Well it didn't take long for the Brown-bear to see the Black-bear, who was looking blissfully happy while standing directly in front of the biggest pile of Gooey-Poo that the Brown-bear had ever seen.

And as the Brown-bear approached, the Black-bear said, "When Gooey-Poo flows, --- it's a heavenly experience."

Then the Brown-bear sniffed the air, saying, "And the fragrance is delightful. --- Are there any Apples left? I feel the need!"

 

 

D. Thurmond / JEF

09-22-2020


Submitted: September 22, 2020

© Copyright 2021 D. Thurmond aka JEF. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Vance Currie

This story stinks, DT (but in a humorous way). I know what you mean about retirement. I spend each day trying to find lots of things not to do. And I enjoy flights of fancy like this story.

Tue, September 22nd, 2020 9:55pm

Author
Reply

Happy you liked it, and even happier that you didn't step in it. LOL --- Thanks Joe!

Tue, September 22nd, 2020 5:10pm

Samuel Dickens

A great story, I devoured it all, including the smell! The back and forth conversations between the two bears is humorous, and I could picture them, expressions and all. Well done!

Sun, May 9th, 2021 4:21pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Samuel, and thanks for the comment. I'm very happy you got a laugh out of my little telling.

Sun, May 9th, 2021 1:58pm

ReemaEs

Nice story. I really liked the fish cleaning process it really destroys the whole thing Lol

Wed, May 19th, 2021 10:22pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Reema, it's the only part of fishing that I dislike. So I catch and release, and we both live another day.

Thu, May 20th, 2021 11:57am

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