Bear Poo, not Pooh Bear

I've been giving a great deal of time, lately, to things people say in response to a question.

Why I'm doing so much thinking about things like this is due, primarily, to the fact that I'm retired and have nothing better to do.

I suppose I could go fishing, and I do love the calming effect of the fishing experience, but I hate the after affect of the fish cleaning process. It spoils the whole thing.

Now where was I? --- Oh yes, things people say in response to a question.

One particular saying is about what Bears do in the woods, you may have heard it. But I'll elaborate with an example.

One guy says to another, "Do you like coffee?" And instead of saying Yes, the other guy says, "Do Bears Shit in the woods?"

Well, it was this saying that brought me to the idea of writing this story, so here it goes.

***

One spring's day a large brown-bear was standing in a clearing, very near some trees and berry bushes, and he was munching on something yummy.

Moments later a black-bear came along and asked, "What are you Eating?"

The Brown-bear stated, "It doesn't matter what I was eat-in cause it is all gone now, anyway."

"Oh is that so?" replied the Black-bear, "well for your information I was just trying to make conversation. I already knew what you were eating because there is Poo behind you; Gooey-Poo to be exact! And every bears know that Gooey-Poo means someone was eating Mush-berries, Honey, and Green-Apples.

So here is a new question, "Where did you get the apples to Poop the Gooey-Poo? Apple trees don't grow in the woods."

The Brown-bear laughed a thunderous laugh, and then said, "The Apple Trees is ah secret and they is gonna stay a secret. In other words, I don't gotta tell you nothin. So go away!"

The Black-bear replied, "Did you know that, I don't gotta tell you nothin mean you gotta tell me something, so where's the apple trees?"

The Brown-bear looked puzzled by the reply, as puzzled as a bear can look, then he said, "I don't know what you're talk-in about, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you about my secret trees. You'd just go eat all the apples and I'd have none left for me!"

The Black-bear looked somewhat sad, then confessed by saying, "There are three kinds of Poo that the bear Poop. There is pebble-poo, then there is just plain old Poo, and then there is Gooey-Poo."

The Brown-bear interrupted by saying, "Really, I can't believe we're discussing Poop!"

"I'm just saying," said the Black-bear, "a bear needs a few apples now and then. I know where to get the Honey, and I know where to get the Munch-berries, but I need the Apples to produce the right affect, Gooey-Poo."

Then the Brown-bear growled a terrifying Growl at the Black-bear. --- Meaning, "Go away!"

So the Black-bear wandered off in one direction, and the

Brown-bear went off in another.

***

Two days passed and the Brown-bear woke up feeling very hungry, hungry for Green-Apples. So off he went, heading for his secret stash of Apple Trees.

He soon arrived at the People-house that was at the edge of the Woods, and close by the river. And between the house and the river were some Apple Trees that the People in the house had planted.

Well it didn't take long for the Brown-bear to see the Black-bear, who was looking blissfully happy while standing directly in front of the biggest pile of Gooey-Poo that the Brown-bear had ever seen.

And as the Brown-bear approached, the Black-bear said, "When Gooey-Poo flows, --- it's a heavenly experience."

Then the Brown-bear sniffed the air, saying, "And the fragrance is delightful. --- Are there any Apples left? I feel the need!"

D. Thurmond / JEF

09-22-2020